You have to get into your own life, thoughts, feelings, actions, decisions, and see what holds you back. And freedom from what holds you back is the most important. That is what is most important. And then you can accept whatever price you have to pay for that most important thing. So it all starts from you. what is really important is a subjective thing. It depends on you. Nobody else can tell it.
You were one person when, let’s say, the relationship started, and now you are another person, and this change must reflect in the nature of the relationship. You cannot say, “Because I used to behave in this way with this person five years back, I’ll continue to hold the same practice, the same mood, the same ritual, the same identity, the same mask,” even after you have graduated to being somebody else. There’s no need to do that. If you have evolved, improved, let that show in the relationship.
Relationships are everywhere – with partners, family, friends, and even ourselves. As long as we're alive, we're constantly relating to someone or something. You have a choice: continue struggling with the same relationship patterns, or gain real understanding through Acharya Prashant’s Books on Relationships that reveal the deeper truths about love and human connection.
The lust inside us seems to be never-ending. So the reason should be something else. And the fact is that humans are the only animals who are actually spiritually thirsty. But then, there is a lack of knowledge as well. Now, the thirst is spiritual, but we do not know what this thirst is for. Because of the lack of knowledge, they don’t know. Then what do we do? We try to quench that thirst by finding anything to bring from anywhere.
It's all situational. You never know why it is happening. Indian philosophy calls it mere sanyog. All kinds of sanyog—it is not knowable. Prakriti is an endless network of cause and effect. You look at an effect—you can never pinpoint what the cause is. Because the causes themselves are infinite. And it is not a straight chain of causes. It is at least a two-dimensional network of causes. Not a straight chain—this causes that. Everything is affecting something else.
Questioner 1: Why can’t we forgive some people, even though I know that thinking about them, I’ll hurt only myself? How to forgive and forget them, so that it will bring me peace?
Acharya Prashant: Had you been completely broken from the inside then there would have been nobody left inside to experience the hurt. What you call as the inside is just the ego inside and the ego is a very magical thing. It becomes stronger when it gets hurt. It is
Acharya Prashant: Do not think that all the care that one takes to appease his body, all the lust, and all the bodily vanity is for nothing. It is a very, very calculated thing. Lust is needed so that you never get liberated. One requires one episode after the other
Acharya Prashant: I was six years old. My sister Pragya was three and my younger brother was being born, mother was in the maternity ward. So, we two kids were having good fun. We had been relieved from school for a month because mother had gone to another city to
Acharya Prashant: You see that you got into a relationship, and you go into a relationship with a person. The person is big, apparent, obvious, six feet. “I got into a relationship, it didn't work out, I'm hurt”. Right? But then why is it that we get into relationships, often
Time is already short, and you cannot waste something you already are short on. And Duryodhana lost out on it. And it's the most regrettable thing when you observe a life gone waste, that too a life like Duryodhana's. Duryodhana is a very dark example of that wasted opportunity, and he realizes that. He was not ‘Duryodhana’ from the beginning, he was named as Suyodhana- someone who would be glorious in war-someone who could win the internal war.
Acharya Prashant: You may argue that in spite of being needy, we still see many well-structured, well-oiled, well-ordered societies. A lot of forceful alignment takes place there. To fulfill the superficial needs, deeper needs are often curbed. To fulfill the needs of a few, the needs of others are compromised.
Human beings spend five years, seven years in courtship, knowing fully well that the objective is just one, but neither the man nor the woman—assuming it’s a man-woman relationship—would dare confess it to the other. Especially not in India. Read more....
We keep carrying the unexamined burden of the past all our life. That’s a great problem that we have. If you want to carry something from the past, if you want to remain related to it even today, then you have to ask: how does it benefit you? Because it’s an expensive decision to make. The purpose of life is to unburden yourself. Relate to something or somebody in a way that will help you clear away a lot of useless relationships.
Women, the way they are brought up in our country, anyway do not have much to lose. If I do not have much in life, and then there arrives a person who is attractive, earns well, is strong, then why, as a woman, will I not go for him? Your body is impelling you to take a particular decision, and you don't even know that it's coming from the body. The only solution is understanding, real, deep, honest observation of life. And this you could also call spirituality.
"As long as you are giving me pleasure and satisfying my needs, there will be peace. The day you stop, there will be war.” This is the usual social contract in which we exchange pleasures and dependencies. This is why there is a lot of violence. But there can be another way of relating to the other, where you are existentially complete within. There can now be beautiful, loving, compassionate relationships because you are not looking to be a parasite or a commander.
The fellow is the worst kind of human being possible. But you will not accuse him of disloyalty, infidelity, or cheating, because he still reserved his body for you. This simply tells that the relationship is founded on the body. The woman has been trained to consider herself the body, and so has the man. Why don't we broaden our definition of loyalty? Please ask, “You couldn’t be loyal to any kind of virtue. How will you ever be loyal to me?”
Excerpts from Articles
The Secret to True Victory
Victory is not decided by the trophy you hold but by the battle you choose to fight. Real strength lies in making the right decisions, staying true to your deepest values, and refusing to be ruled by fear or circumstances. When your actions arise from clarity rather than ambition, the outcome loses its power over you. The moment you choose the right path, you have already won.
Climate change is more than an environmental crisis—it is a crisis of human choices. Our patterns of consumption, consumerism and endless pursuit of more are putting increasing pressure on the planet. But meaningful change does not necessarily begin with new technology or stricter policies. It begins with a deeper question: what are we willing to change within ourselves?
You Don't Understand the Bhagvad Gita, But You Still Claim That You Love Krishna?
The Bhagavad Gita deserves reverence not because of inherited beliefs about its author, but because of its power to dissolve falsehood and reveal Truth. Real devotion is not ritual or blind faith—it is understanding, inquiry, and living the wisdom of the Gita. Through sincere study, one discovers the true meaning of Krishna, making the Gita the most authentic path to knowing and worshipping Him.
ज्योतिष कितना सच है? कुंडली, ग्रह-नक्षत्र: इनका क्या अर्थ है?
वेदांत को केवल इसलिए सही या श्रेष्ठ नहीं माना जा सकता कि वह किसी विशेष परंपरा से आता है। विज्ञान जहाँ भौतिक जगत की वस्तुनिष्ठ जाँच करता है, वहीं अद्वैत वेदांत सीधे मनुष्य के ‘मैं’, उसके दुख, बंधन और मुक्ति की पड़ताल करता है। इसकी कसौटी वैज्ञानिक प्रमाण नहीं, बल्कि अपने जीवन में इसकी सच्चाई को देख पाना है। किसी दर्शन को मान लेना नहीं, बल्कि उससे स्वयं को मुक्त करना ही उसका वास्तविक उद्देश्य है।
कई तरह के डर—अकेले पड़ने, छवि खोने या छोटा समझे जाने—की जड़ अक्सर अतीत में बनी पहचान और कहानियों में होती है। शरीर की हाइट जैसी चीज़ों को समस्या मानकर उनसे जूझने के बजाय उनकी अप्रासंगिकता को समझकर आगे बढ़ना चाहिए। अतीत को दबाने से मुक्ति नहीं मिलती; उसके करीब जाकर अपनी स्मृतियों, धारणाओं और पुराने पैटर्न को निष्पक्षता से देखना ज़रूरी है।
Animal cruelty: Who deserves mercy, and who doesn’t?
Violence begins long before the knife or the slaughterhouse—it begins with the ego, the one that draws boundaries, seeks justification, and decides who deserves compassion. Laws and reforms may reduce suffering, but they cannot end violence while the ego remains intact. When the ego dissolves, exploitation ends naturally, and compassion no longer depends on regulation or moral boundaries.
Struggling to choose between a secure job and the path you actually feel drawn to? This isn't really a question about careers. It's about why other people's opinions have so much power over you in the first place. Real clarity doesn't come from finding the 'right' choice. It comes from honestly looking at your own fear, again and again, until it stops running the decision for you.
We are limited beings and limitation means boundaries. Any successful marriage will have boundaries. Spend quality time with each other and then leave each other free, both physically and psychologically. Get rid of the romantic notion that the two of us have now dissolved into each other and therefore there are no boundaries. Good fences make good neighbors. You must know where to stop. You must know that.
Just because we don't hear gunshots doesn't mean that things are peaceful between partners or between parents and kids — especially daughters. Not at all. There are clear boundaries and those boundaries have been mined. As long as you remain within the boundaries, you will entertain the illusion that you are free and loved. Try to step out, and you'll be blown to pieces. So, the violence was always cooking but you didn't see it because you were blinded by your emotions, need for security, and conditioning.
Truth is the first thing. If you don't have love for the first thing, how can you have love for all the others you are related to? You don't need to ask — are you in love? Do you love me? All these are needless questions. The only question to be asked is: do you love the Truth? If the person loves the Truth, everything is fine.
A relationship remains sustainable when there is beauty in it for you every moment. Beauty that is inexhaustible. Beauty that is not available for consumption. Beauty that time cannot erode. If there is beauty of the kind that you can happily eat away, then the beauty will be eaten away. Full stop
Do not perpetually keep waiting for human company. You can never be very sure that you will have very high-quality people in your life because the right kind of people are not too many. There are tremendous ways to add value to life. It's one of the big fortunes of life to be able to have work that one can immerse oneself in. Travel, read, challenge yourself — these are equally effective ways to have company and not feel lonely.
You may say that you are in love; but do you love that man, or do you love what you get through that man? When you are needy and lonely, then your relationships are like band-aids: they are there to take care of your wounds. But if you live your life from a point of aloneness — which is totally different from loneliness — your relationships will take on a different colour. Then you will really be free and not a slave.
Traditionally, women have been trained to be at home, while men have been conditioned to be breadwinners. The forces of conditioning cut both ways. Both are merely playing pre-scripted roles, shaped by their bodies and society. You are not you; you are manufactured by your body and trained by society. And so is she. So just as you resist from asking her to pay, she resists offering to pay — and it’s a bad game.
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The relationship can be very strong, but the strength of the relationship may not necessarily be an auspicious thing. You can have a very, very strong relationship with the external, and yet it could be from a very wrong center. And what do we mean by wrong? The center of inner ignorance.
Don’t wear masks. Have that self-respect. That’s what is dignity. This is who I am, and I’ll not exchange my truth for your sake. If you are all right with who I really am, let’s be together. But don’t ask me to drop my authenticity. Most of your existing relationships will fail this test because they are relationships between masks. You wear a mask, and you expect the other to wear a mask. And you know, there is no fun. You do not even know the other’s face. There is actually no relationship at all.
When it comes to real happiness, there is no rule that a single woman would be happier than a married woman, or vice versa. Even sharing dinner or being friends with someone means you're not truly single. We must have the sense to relate properly. If you can connect with someone who brings beauty and understanding to your life, nothing like it. But that alone should be the objective of the relationship.
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I’m already bad, and through the thought process, I make a choice that makes my condition worse. I will always choose a woman who does me no good. And if a woman exists, coincidentally, who can be of real help to me, the job of thought will be to push that woman aside. Ditto for the other combination. As a woman, you don’t want a man who will challenge your most fundamental beliefs.
Does the person you are with encourage you to read? You have to ask, “What does he bring for me, roses or books?”
Be very cautious of those who bring roses for you, especially red roses. Books are what we all need, and books are dangerous. Books are dangerous because…
All your relationships are deeply your attempts to fill an inner void. Whether you relate sexually to one person or many — will sex give you what you truly want? The body is a shallow means to attain that which your consciousness craves. There are beautiful ways of relating to men and women; relate to them in higher ways.
Marriage founded on the body alone is bound to suffer from cheating, as one body can never satisfy anyone. Your association with the other person should be based on love, friendship, and inner fulfillment, not the body. If you are physical and bodily, no loyalty is possible. Loyalty is fundamentally spiritual.
There is not much difference between a live-in relationship and marriage. When you are living with somebody, that person gains enormous power to affect your life in all kinds of ways, and you too gain that power. You cannot do justice to that responsibility if you are not a spiritually evolved person. Be very, very conscious of your personal space. It is sacred; not everybody must be allowed to enter it.
Whenever disagreement arises, don’t see it as something unwanted. A conflict of opinions can help broaden one’s perspective, provided the intention is to reach the fact. Most often, however, the intention is to defend one’s position, which is driven by ego. Talk and don’t take it personally. If you don’t know how to interact—even with the best of people—you won’t grow. You must know what to take and what to totally ignore.
There are only two kinds of relationships that are right in this world. If you connect with someone at a higher level of consciousness, hold their hand so they can uplift you. If you connect with someone at a lower level of consciousness, hold their hand to uplift them. Any other kind of relationship is junk.
Relationships get spoiled when people cling to each other. If you truly want heart-to-heart contact, give each other adequate space. At times, disappear from each other’s lives—go on a vacation alone. Then, when you vacation with your partner, it will be delightful. We all need space, and only a free mind has the right and the capacity to love.
A healthy relationship is possible only when you are healthy. A healthy being is not restless, not continuously suffering, and not wandering in tension. When you are settled within, this sureness, power, peace, and completeness reflect in your relationships. What I have within me shines through all my relationships. The relationship of a healthy being is called Love.
You decide with whom to spend your time. You choose your boyfriend or your girlfriend, right? So, all of this, at least most of this, is happening as a result of my own decisions, my own choices. If I do not like my choices, then de-facto what is it that I dislike? The one who is making the choice.
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Questioner: Thank you for meeting with me again, Acharya Ji! I have a question.
Every time I see an attractive woman, I’m gonna feel the impulse to drop everything and look at her.
Men’s headspace is occupied with conquering women. Can I train myself out of it?
But I have…
The movies tell us that unless there is a special person in your life, you are really missing out on something big and you are seized by FOMO. What is FOMO? Fear of missing out. "Oh my god! Everybody has that. I am the only one left behind. I must also have a partner, a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a husband, a wife, something. Hey, go grab somebody." So you go out and grab some Johnny next door. He was busy washing his sandals, and you went up to him and threw your most seductive smile and then he too was infected by FOMO. He said, "Now that I have the opportunity, why shouldn't I capitalize?" And thus, came about the relationship. And you call it a holy bond made in heaven. Why do we do that?
Acharya Prashant: You see, you’ve checked into a hotel, the experience there is not good enough, right?…
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Questioner: I was in a relationship with a person from the last eight years. Last three years while being with me, he was also seeing and dating other women. I have always been honest and loyal to him. After knowing that he is so mean, so dishonest, why am I…
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Questioner: Acharya Ji, Pranaam. Currently, there is a lot of pressure on me to get married. I am completely confused about this decision, I am not mentally prepared for it right now. I feel incompleteness in my life, and I want to settle things in my life.
There is a…
People come and go; nobody is more important than your peace. You do not want a person so that he may cause disturbance. When you want someone, you actually seek peace and contentment through them. Contentment is more valuable than any relationship. Elevate yourself. Transform yourself. And then see who comes to you, then you will know what love really is.
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Who has taught you to put up with daily abuse and humiliation? We are forcefully made to believe that the purpose of life is to chase a man or a woman. The only thing that you should never compromise on, is the central purpose of life, and that is liberation. All else is dispensable.
Acharya Prashant: The question is from Sonali, “I got married after six years of relationship and five years of married life now. Due to contrasting personalities, my husband and I fight a lot. In April, we had a very big conflict and the police got involved. Now we are living…
Be very, very alert about cohabitation. Just don’t start living with anybody. Be very, very conscious of your personal space. It is sacred; not everybody must be allowed to enter it. I am not merely talking of the body; the mind is much, much more sacred than the body. The purity and such things of the body probably do not matter so much, but the mind must be kept virgin. Be very cautious.
Don’t unnecessarily hassle your spouse. He or she is probably as clueless as you are. He needs your support. She needs your light. Take care of yourself, and then you will be able to take care of everybody.
Companionship is not the final thing. The final thing is something else. The companion has to be a medium towards that thing, otherwise the companion is toxic.
When you say love is essential, then you get into love of the totally wrong kind because you have taken love as the final thing. Then attraction, sensuousness and attachment become the names of love. So, love is not essential. What is essential is being attracted to someone who elevates you. If your love is of that kind, wonderful.
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People come, take the Upanishads from here and then feel depressed, their parents or spouses are not heeding to the Upanishads. So, I ask them, “Why must your spouse or your parents be the first ones to gain this knowledge from you?” If they’re not listening to you, go and teach this to your neighbour, or to some random person on the street, no? There are so many eligible and willing people, they’ll be very happy to receive this knowledge from you. Read more...
Love is serious, hard work. And love is not really fun. You need to learn to have fun in hard work. And that’s love. In love, you start loving the hard work and the hardship that comes your way. Read more....
Life circumstances, whatever, they may be are one's own choice. Abusing and complaining while being dependent is nothing but dishonesty. True change requires taking responsibility for one’s choices. Break free from dependency, express gratitude to people whom you are dependent upon. "Till the day you are eating out of others' plate, keep saying ‘thank you’. There is nothing else that you can say.
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