Live-in Relationships: When Parents Get a Shock! |
Questioner: Acharya Ji, I have come here from Dehradun, and people have sent their greetings. By the way, my question is related to today's young generation. My mind is a little confused right now. It's about today's generation's pre-wedding shoots and live-in relationships.
I'm not too much acquainted with this topic, but I heard that youngsters are into it nowadays, and I have so many thoughts in my mind about where this generation is heading towards and at what level. It seems that spirituality is not strong enough to stop these things, so I would like you to guide us in this matter.
Acharya Prashant: They would not do all of this if their spirituality was weak.
Questioner: I mean, the children are deprived of it.
Acharya Prashant: Please understand—whatever they have been doing, even that is directed towards achieving their own spiritual goals.
What you are talking about right now, is about the mutual relationship between a boy and a girl—whether it is a live-in or a pre-wedding shoot. When a boy and a girl get attracted to each other blindly, behind that, there is an underlying motive to achieve their own spiritual goals. Just that the chosen path is wrong, and that's why they won't achieve their goal.
In human beings—men, women, a boy, and a girl—they run after each other with so much lust. Have you seen this in any other species? That means this lust is not at all natural. We need to understand this.
There are so many multiple varieties of species around you. You can see cows, you can see dogs—all of them are found in the city along with so many other birds. There are so many animals in the forest; we know about them as well.
Take any animal, any bird, or any species—have you ever seen the kind of sexual perversion in them that you see in human beings in any other species?
Have you ever seen it?
They have their own periods; they have a specific mating time. That is when intercourse takes place, and that's it. And once that happens, they hardly get attracted to each other. They become a bit indifferent.
There is a particular, specific time for them, and even during that specific time, you will find a specific particular level of intensity in them. They stay within that—they will not go beyond or below that. Everything in them is limited as well as periodic in nature.
"Periodic" means it has a fixed duration, and "limited" means the amount of the sexual act performed during that time, even that act has a specific limit. This is an act that is provided by nature, which is periodic and limited as well. This is the amount of lust that nature grants you—not more than that.
We might think that if we remove all the restrictions, then we will become natural again. He will be busy with sexual activities all throughout the year. No, it's not like that. No animal does that. Even humans won’t do that despite being completely natural.
Then where does this intense lust come from? Definitely not from nature. Had this intensity come from nature, it would have been limited. This is the product of your mind. Your mind seeks spiritual peace, which it is not getting. And where is it looking for peace? It is looking for it in the opposite sex. A girl feels that she will find peace in the company of a boy, and a boy feels that he will find peace in the company of a girl. And it’s not that they are aware about this.
There may be a boy who is very excited and is running madly behind those girls. Now, if you try and tell him that he is chasing those girls for peace, the boy will tell you, "I know what I want," or the boy will ask you, "Who is this girl, Shanti?"
It’s not that he is aware about it. But we do have the proof. If the sexual urge in human beings was completely natural, then it would have been limited—as it is limited in all other species. But ours is unlimited.
The lust inside us seems to be never-ending. So the reason should be something else. And the fact is that humans are the only animals who are actually spiritually thirsty. But then, there is a lack of knowledge as well. Now, the thirst is spiritual, but we do not know what this thirst is for. Because of the lack of knowledge, they don’t know. Then what do we do? We try to quench that thirst by finding anything to bring from anywhere.
Do you remember kerosene? What?
You are thirsty, but since you don’t know why you are thirsty, you are drinking kerosene. A girl drinks kerosene in the form of a boy, and a boy drinks kerosene in the form of a girl. And they are drinking non-stop. And the more you drink kerosene, the more you feel thirsty—that is its property. After drinking some, you will feel like you need more because you feel even thirstier. And you are totally unaware that instead of reducing the thirst, it is actually increasing it.
You will never find that girl that you always keep on desiring. Keep chasing it throughout your life. Now, you are asking for a live-in, but I totally refuse it.
You are a cultured person—go and get married. Will even that quench your thirst? You may say that a boy is fooling around with five girls, or a girl is fooling around with five boys. And then you say, "No, not five, only two," or "Not two, only one." But will even that quench your thirst?
People loudly talk about increasing homosexuality, and I advise them against homosexuality. You can even try heterosexuality—but can even that quench your thirst? It’s not about putting any restrictions or control on sex or prohibiting certain things.
Do you really think that's the solution? That is never going to be a solution. Like having cultural sex is not a solution. No, it won't solve your problems. First, you need to understand who you are and what exactly you want. Who are you, and what do you want?
It's not that only this current generation has this problem. Those who lacked knowledge always had this perversion—I mean our ancestors too, and even their parents. The only difference is, whatever the current generation is doing, they're doing openly, but parents lacked courage, so they did it secretly.
There was a guy whom I came across who was abusing everybody openly, and I asked him, "Have your parents taught you this?" He said, "Yes, my parents only have taught me this." He said, "My parents abuse each other at home only, but not outside their home because people outside consider them cultured ones. But at home, his father abuses his mother in the worst possible way, and the mother reciprocates his father by abusing his father. Abusing is normal at my home—that's where I learned it from."
So this is not limited to the current generation. The basic design of a human being is such that he is born corrupt. Humans are the most unfortunate among all the species on the earth. The amount of struggles that we go through within—no bird, no duck, no fish, or any other animal never goes through that struggle, all of them live with a lot of peace. Just try and observe a cow once. After she has tended to her needs, you will find that she enjoys the moment peacefully. You will never find a human being like this.
Okay, leave these animals aside and consider some deadly wild animals like cheetahs, lions, or tigers. Even in their case, they'll be resting peacefully after mating. Even if you cross them from a distance, possibly, they won't even get up. They don't care about anything—absolutely carefree. Mentally, they are always at ease, unlike humans.
We are anointed, and that is the reason why we are born as humans. This is a curse, and this is the very curse which is exhibited when two opposite genders belonging to this species chase each other all the time. The man is after the woman, the woman is after the man—this is the effect of that curse. You have been cursed that you will take birth in the form of a human, and you will keep chasing the opposite gender throughout your life like this—absolutely nonstop—and despite that, you will actually achieve nothing. Yes, you may be able to give birth to children, but even those children will do the chasing.
Are you getting my point? It's okay. What can you say now? What will a couple achieve by living together without getting married? Even they will keep banging their heads against each other. What's so special about it? Actually the married ones envy the people who are in a live-in relationship. (laughter.)
In my opinion, they don't need to be envious like this. The people who are in live-in relationships are also undergoing the same struggle, confrontation, and destruction. This too is de-facto. They become a couple, and the court has also endorsed it. Now the court has also openly said that if a couple is living together, and that too from a long period of time, then they must be considered a couple legally, regardless of whether they are married or not, because their behavior is exactly like husband and a wife.
There's no difference. They also keep a watch on each other. A couple means nothing but torturing each other. Yes, they do.
Both of them are at par with it. Now that you're torturing each other so much, you're already couples, what’s the big deal?
Jokes apart, but why do you chase each other? Actually, you were looking for something else in that woman. Whatever you may call it—either a goddess or a supreme god—you needed utmost peace. The ultimate, The superior that you are hunting for in that particular female—you would never get it over there.
You will get frustrated because you wouldn't get it over there, and you would become wild because you had something on your mind when you brought her home, but that woman will not fulfill your desire ever. And the woman too goes through the same.
She also thinks that she will get the Supreme, the Almighty, for attain the utmost peace in the form of a partner or husband. Now, the man was outright stupid—wouldn't be able to offer anything to that female. That idiot! You're calling him the Supreme?
And once you realize—after a few months or a year—you feel cheated. He's an idiot! Now, what will you do? Where will you take out your frustration? A frustrated woman! She will torture her husband and will keep doing it all her life.
Now, this torture is there because of her lack of knowledge, and in such cases, the other person or the partner is at no fault whom you may not like them at all. In this, your partner is not at fault. He never claimed that he would be your god, did he? You only started dreaming about it. Am I making myself clear?
Another example is this pre-wedding shoot. The films have taught you that by doing all these things, you will become happy. So, you simply do it. Who knows, it might bring happiness! Let's try this option also. Since you people are from Dehradun, you must have seen a lot of such activities. The most ancient thirst of the human being is simply being exhibited in distorted forms. These are deformities.
All of us just want that param, which is the ultimate. Everybody wants it. But then, because there is a lack of knowledge, we look for that particular thing in pre-wedding photo shoots or some other activities, or in the marriage celebrations, or maybe by celebrating the honeymoon in Siberia. Honeymoons are best enjoyed in the cold, right? That's how it works. Are you getting my point?
But it is very difficult to explain. Let alone the young ones—even the adults. Let alone the adults—even an old man who is about to die. It is difficult to explain to him too that you will not get that thing that you're seeking in that woman. And even that woman is in the same state. It is even more difficult to explain to her that she wouldn't get it from him. But she feels that he is the Supreme. He's not. He's not! But the woman will never believe it. She thinks that it is hidden somewhere inside him.
A woman came to me and asked, "If God exists in everybody, then why not in my husband? Why is he repeatedly saying that God is not inside him? God exists everywhere—why not in my husband?"
I said, "He exists, all the best. I have nothing to do with it."
They have such a massive collection of all the gods at our home only.
Your wife is the goddess, and the husband is the super god. And we consider parents as gods anyway. Then why do you need spirituality now? Now, when the entire family of gods is available at your place, what is the use of spirituality? Reading Bhagavad Gita? The Upanishads? Tell me, why? Your home has all of this.
