What Do You Mean by Loyalty?
Questioner: Sir, Is expecting loyalty in a relationship, in any kind of relationship, is that dependency?
Acharya Prashant: What do you mean by loyalty?
Questioner: You just said that women, you know, get jealous when their man is looking at somebody else or when they are going to someone else. So is expecting loyalty dependence? Because that is basic, a person should not be doing that when they are in a relationship.
Acharya Prashant: You see, what do you mean by loyalty? That’s my question first of all. Most relationships are founded on physicality, right? When it’s a man-to-woman thing, let’s accept the bare fact, it’s a physical thing. Later on, you may say this is love and emotions and feelings and whatever, but it’s a hormonal thing first of all. You don’t fall in love when you are 6 years old, do you? But when you are 16, you say, “I have fallen in love.” It’s a hormonal thing. So it is about the body. “I’ll have your body. I’ll control your body.” And that’s how you define loyalty.
That fellow is the worst culprit in the world when it comes to any other matter. He is disloyal to the truth. He is disloyal to the country. He is disloyal to all kinds of virtues and highnesses possible. You won’t call him disloyal as long as he doesn’t go somewhere and have sex, right? He cheats in the office. He accepts bribes. He doesn't work. He's a climate offender. He is the worst kind of human being possible. But you will not accuse him of disloyalty or infidelity or cheating. You'll not accuse him because he still reserved his body for you. And you say, "As long as his body is reserved for me, I won't accuse him of cheating." Right?
He's going out there and hacking the forests, destroying the environment. He is disloyal even to the highest truth that you may call as God or whatever. He is disloyal to every possible thing in the world. But you will have very little problem. But the day he goes out and sleeps with someone else, you will say he's cheating. What kind of definition of loyalty is this? This simply tells that the relationship is founded on the body. Why? Because the woman has been trained to consider herself the body. Because the woman considers herself the body, therefore she becomes extremely sensitive about the man's body. Much the same applies to the man also, we know. Because the man has also been trained to see himself as the body.
But why don't we broaden our definition of loyalty? Please ask. Why don't you tell the man, "You couldn't be loyal to any kind of virtue. How will you ever be loyal to me? You aren't loyal even to the gods. How can you be loyal to me?"
But you usually don't have a problem. In fact, you feel good. You know, he is disloyal to everybody for my sake. So, it's a superlative kind of loyalty now.
Now, why does he cheat in the office? Cheat in the sense of taking bribes. Why is he such a corrupt person? Because he wants to have more money to offer me gifts and to take me to Dubai. That's why, you know, he takes so much. For me, he kills animals. For me, he destroys forests. That shows that he is even more loyal to me. What kind of loyalty is this? What kind of body-centric approach is this?
You know what the honest reply would be? But sir, as we have become, we have very little apart from the body to demand loyalty to. All that we have is the body. Knowledge we didn’t gain. Professional experience or expertise we didn’t gain. Skills we didn’t gain. Freedom we didn’t gain. Courage we didn’t gain. All that we have is this body. So I demand that he remain loyal to this body. I’m helpless. What else can I demand?
But then, if you demand him to be loyal to your body, your body is much the same as anybody else's body. Show me what is unique in anybody’s body. And then how is it surprising that relationships founded on the body inevitably fracture? If he came to you for your body, or if you went to him for his body, then there are bodies abound and galore. Only the faces are somewhat different. You can hide the face; the rest of the body is the same. You won’t even notice the difference, especially when it comes to sexual matters. What difference is there?
There must be something within you worth offering loyalty to. Am I demanding too much? What do I have, first of all, that somebody, anybody, can be loyal to? I must have the right content to speak before I demand you to listen. Right? Justified, fair enough, right?
I am spewing trash at you, continuously talking nonsense, and still I demand you should be loyal to this speaker. Am I justified? Please tell me. Now, as a man or a woman, all that I bring to the relationship is the body, because that is what is biologically given. Other things have to be earned, and I never cared, never strived to earn anything else. All I have is the default biological body that has grown up to become that of an adult and sexually active man or woman. This is the body that I have, and I’m bringing this body to the table and asking him or her, "Please be loyal to this body."
How fair does this sound?
If I want you to listen to me, I must first be careful that I bring value to you. What value does the body bring to a relationship?
The body does bring value to a relationship, I understand sexual gratification. But that value can be substituted. There are so many other bodies that will bring the same value to the table. Therefore, what right do you have to complain?
Conversely, if as a woman, as a human being, you bring great value to the relationship and the other is still an idiot to go and scavenge somewhere else, let him go. isme uska ghatta tera kuch nhi jata. You are bringing diamonds to the relationship and the fellow is still going out into the muck and collecting dirt and dust. Let him do that. Drop him. The fellow has no discretion, no value system, no respect for greatness. Better let him go.
He's doing a few things clandestinely. He hides. Tell him, "Do it in the open. You’re totally free. Now go." But remember first thing, ask yourself, what value do I bring to the relationship? And if the value that you bring to the relationship is only physical, only hormonal, it won't last.
Questioner: Hello sir, my name is Veda Desai, and I'm a political science student. One thing which I noticed is that people now are not afraid to commit crimes. They are not afraid of the punishment. And India’s belief in reformative theory has been proved wrong. And the day isn’t far when the victim will take justice in their own hands. So my question is: Indian laws need to be made strict?
Acharya Prashant: I'm not really qualified to comment on that. But you see, a person who is not even afraid of punishment now, and as you said the reformative theory has collapsed, so the person has kind of crossed the point of no return. You are saying he has become incorrigible and can't be reformed.
We cannot allow such a person of lower consciousness to harm a person of elevated consciousness. And if that requires this fellow to be quarantined, so be it. In extreme cases, it may require that this fellow be eliminated. Politically, they call it neutralization. Right? Yes, capital punishment. Let him be neutralized. What can be done? But for that, first of all, you need to be sure that the fellow is now just not practically available to be corrected or reformed.
