Why Are You Desperate After That? || AP Neem Candies
Acharya Prashant: You see that you got into a relationship, and you go into a relationship with a person. The person is big, apparent, obvious, six feet. “I got into a relationship, it didn't work out, I'm hurt”. Right? But then why is it that we get into relationships, often into a series of relationships? Is it because those persons are extremely important or attractive? Or is it more because we have a tendency to get related? Is it about them or is it about us?
And if we have a tendency to quickly get attached or associated with somebody, then we will find some object from somewhere irrespective of the worth of the object, is that not so? Does it not happen that if you are very hungry, often you end up eating whatsoever is available?
So, the tendency is there – “I need, I need, I need. I must have somebody. There must be somebody to walk by my side…” all those things. And I said, in the case of a person, the result of that tendency is very obvious, very gross, you can see. The result is physical. You know that it is there. The proof is big and also the impact is big.
Why not take care of the tendency in small matters so that you do not have to face big disappointments? I will explain.
The one who gets attracted and attached to a man is probably also the one who has several other small teeny-weeny attachments and identifications in her life. But because they are small, they do not get noticed and because they are small, their consequences also remain comparatively small. So, those things keep flying under the radar without being spotted. Because they do not get spotted, we remain vulnerable to larger mistakes.
If you cannot live without, let’s say, a particular dress; you start feeling jittery and nervous and angry. If you cannot get that one particular dress that you so deeply desire, how will you live without a man? But when you cannot find a dress, then it appears all right to go after the dress. “You know, it's just a dress that I'm seeking”. The same tendency exhibits itself in our relationships as well. When I say relationships, I mean relationships with persons. Therefore, I said to begin with, that we need to experiment with our dependencies.
If you are dependent even on one small thing, rest assured that the tendency to be dependent will make you dependent upon much larger things and many other things.
Some of those things could be men. Be cautious. If you are cautious in these small matters, you will not have to suffer in the so-called “big matters”.
Before you crave for something or in the middle of that craving, ask yourself – “Is the thing really so important?” This question is miraculous.
The moment you ask this question, you discover that actually nothing is as important as we allow it to be. In other words, everything is only as important as we allow it to be.
No importance, no object, no thing, no person has any absolute value of its own. The value that you see in that thing is something that is proceeding from your own sense of incompleteness.
The more value you allot to something, the more you are reinforcing your own belief that you need that thing. Value is not absolute, not only is value relative. The more valuable something outside of you becomes to you, the more you have declared yourself to be desperately poor.
“Oh, I cannot live without that”. Whatsoever ‘that’ may be, if you cannot live without that, that only means that inside there is a big hollow. “I need that thing or that person, that man, that woman so much” – that only proves how denied and how unrich we are within.
Catch these things when they exhibit themselves in small matters. Do not be particular about this or that. Do not say, “I wear only red on Fridays”. It's silly but, the example, I mean. If you say, “I do only this on that day”, it is not a matter of discipline, it is probably more a matter of dependence, please see. “I cannot eat until I get that particular kind of sauce on my bread”. If you cannot eat without mustard sauce, probably you will also not sleep without some man. It's far-fetched, but hope you get the drift.
Full article link: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/articles/searching-for-ones-missing-part-1_6d83c4c
