How to Raise a Daughter?

Questioner: We have two daughters; one is in class 12, the other in class 3. With the elder one we are strict, but with the younger one we are a lot more allowing. We say, “Do whatever you have to do, just don’t trouble us.” So, she is always just playing and all that, and she is coming up really well.

But sometimes I feel it is our responsibility to tell her that life is there and you have to work hard and all that. But in that moment emotions take over and we say something which we repent later. We feel that it is our responsibility to let her know all this and push her a little, but we don’t know how to proceed.

Acharya Prashant: You see, first of all, it has to be seen that the parents and the daughter are together in this situation. It is not the daughter alone who is facing a particular situation; it is the parents and the daughter together—together in the sense that if the parents let her be totally free, or even abandon her, the situation would not remain the same for her. If she feels the pressure of examinations or future, it is because the parents are there and are contributing to it.

So, just as she must clear an exam, the parents too have to clear an exam. It is as much of a challenge for the parents as it is for the daughter. What does that imply? That implies that parents must, firstly, stop seeing themselves as guides. All three of them—the father, the mother, and the daughter—have to look at each other as co-travelers in a journey, a movement in which nobody really is in a position to lead the other two. But yes, all three are in a position to hold hands; nobody can walk in front of the other two, but all three can walk holding hands, in togetherness.