NEET Was the Answer. Nobody Asked Her the Question

Questioner: Sir, everyone of us are travelers, and we are traveling. Even before we started traveling, the ideas are implanted inside us, and most of the implanted ideas are depending on power. Like, if you started going to become this person in future, then you will be holding power, and then whatever you will decide, society will help you to do that.

I wanted to put it in a different way. For example, I am a student, and I don't want to do medical, but I want to do something in the NGO. But society considers a medical student more powerful. It means if you are a doctor, they will give you more power or more respect because the society is getting more benefit from that than from NGOs. Then they will help you.

If you don't want to get married, okay, don't get married. Otherwise, it is difficult. But if a girl wanted to have biceps, or if I wanted to play tennis, if I wanted to become a badminton player and wanted to represent India as a gymnast, or in any game for foreign countries, then only if I hit the community standard, then only they will let me go out. Otherwise, if I am an average student, and if I am not up to society's remark, then they will not let me do the things which add colors to my life or my experiences.

Acharya Prashant: How do they stop you? You must be 5'5", 50-60 kg, something, right? Twenty-five, plus-minus something, probably earning as well or about to earn. How exactly? That's what baffles me. Does somebody succeed in stopping you? You tell me that first.

Questioner: Sir, the point is they are telling me, "Okay, if you are becoming a doctor, society will respect you."

Acharya Prashant: I got that. That's not the answer. That's what they are telling you. I'm asking you, how are they stopping you?

Questioner: They are stopping me because they are paying for the tennis court fees.

Acharya Prashant: Ah! That's what. So why do you have to depend on others for basic things like these? You are in this city where the per capita income is much more than, in fact, twice that of any other metropolitan area, including Mumbai and Delhi NCR. This area is flush with opportunities and possibilities, and for a simple thing like paying your court or coach fee, you have to depend on somebody. Isn't that a self-goal? Isn't that a self-inflicted handicap?

Questioner: Yes, sir.

Acharya Prashant: So, are the others dominating you, or are you presenting yourself to be dominated?

Questioner: No sir. Actually, from 11th and 12th, I started taking tuitions while studying. But still they wanted me to take something which is approved by them.

Acharya Prashant: That's what they wanted.

Questioner: And then they will respect me, and they will let me. "Okay, you want it..."

Acharya Prashant: That's what they wanted. That's the respect they would give. How does that stop you? There is a difference between the external happening and the internal impact. The external happening, I understand. They are saying, "We respect you only if such and such condition is met." Right? That's what they are doing, or saying, or offering. But how is it that you are being stopped? Do you see that these two can be independent of each other?

Questioner: Yes, sir.

Acharya Prashant: Can you see that?

Questioner: Yes, sir.

Acharya Prashant: Ask me to put the mic down. Tell me. Please.

Questioner: Sir, please put the mic down.

Acharya Prashant: No. Order me. Not "please, put the mic down.” Order me.

Questioner: Put the mic down.

Acharya Prashant: I won't.

Put that racket down.

And you obey. That's the problem.

Somebody tells you to put the racket down. Why do you put the racket down? If you really know, and if you really love, the racket has to stay this way. In fact, the racket can be used for other purposes also.

Questioner: But in a negative way, they will start demolishing my character, and they will like, "You are not..."

Acharya Prashant: Show me your character. Show me. What is it? A thing, a garment, a molecule, a book, what is it? What do you mean by character? What exactly is it? And if it is not something material, how can somebody demolish it? What kind of bulldozer can bring down something that is not even material? What do you mean by character demolition? And if it is your character, how did they get access to it? Where did you leave it?

Questioner: Means, “Raat raat ko ghum ghum kar pta nahi kanha khel kar…”

Acharya Prashant: That's what they have said. How does that stop you?

Questioner: They stop me by shutting the door and saying, "Okay, get out. If you are not obeying me, just get out of my house."

Acharya Prashant: So they are entitled to do that because that's indeed their house. And how old are you?

Questioner: I'm 25.

Acharya Prashant: That's a lot. Why do you still have to stay in somebody's house?

Questioner: If I started taking whatever I'm earning and started renting some house outside and doing everything absolutely by my own. Then the girls, like my cousins and all, will be set with an example, “Dekho, tumhari behen ko bheja tha; itna padh-likh kar poore khandaan ka naam kharab kar rahi hai.”

Acharya Prashant: That's what they will tell your cousins. Why must your cousins listen to that? Second thing, even if your cousins do listen to that, why must that stop you?

Questioner: Because I'm craving for that, Good, good.

Acharya Prashant: Yes. So the real problem is not the one you stated. The real problem is that you are psychologically dependent. And that is not something that they have enforced on you. That is your own choice. And only you can reverse that choice.

Questioner: Yes, sir.

Acharya Prashant: Right? Do that.

Listener: Sometimes, if you talk to them nicely, they may also agree and change their mind.

Questioner: Yes, sir. I tried a lot. I wanted to explore a lot of things. I wanted to learn Bharatanatyam, although I am a badminton player, and I fought a lot with my parents just to allow me to have proper coaching and all. But after that, okay, I fought, and I'm paying the fees by giving tuition to my juniors. But even after that, they are not allowing me to do Bharatanatyam. They are telling me, "Okay, you are a medical student. You have to prepare for NEET PG. Why are you wasting your time in the NEET PG preparation? If you are not giving 100% to your present and are giving your time to all these things, then you won't succeed."

Listener: Well, he (pointing towards Acharya Prashant) already said you are allowing them to declare.

Acharya Prashant: You are allowing them. And see, the thing is, even if what they say indeed has a point, even if there is some substance in what they are ordering you, or how they are advising you, it's your own clarity that must be the final judge, your own discretion. Getting it?

So, the other one, be it your parents, or sir, or this person, they must have a Lakshman Rekha. This is what somebody else can tell you, and that's fine. You must seek the company of wise people, as sir said, and that's all very fine. But ultimately, ultimately, it's between you and you, and only your eyes, your clarity, has to be the final arbiter, the final judge. And that power you should never hand over to anybody.

Questioner: Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Questioner: Hello. So, at the end of the student career, there is a period where you're supposed to do deep reflection and maybe assume that you found your values, you found maybe even your inner calling. But some of these things can be conflicting. Like, maybe what your career calling would be somewhere, but then you also value being close to your family, taking care of your elders, of your loved ones.

So these things need to be like they can find an equilibrium, they can conciliate themselves, but at the same time there's some stuff that's out of your control. So, for instance, the potential jobs that you're offered, or just the things that you can do after you end your student career.

So my question is: How do you conciliate that? Because there's, of course, a lot of confusion. Do you just surrender to the confusion and wait for the inspiration to act in an aligned way, or do you rather continue to delve into the reflection at the risk of going into overthinking?

Acharya Prashant: You see, the answer will may not present any dramatic insights, but then life is not even supposed to be dramatic or even necessarily heroic. No?

Once you are certain that what you have for your family members is love, not obligation, and what you have for your job is deep attention, not greed, then you can allow the situations to dictate the action.

It sounds very un-vedantic. We will allow the situations to dictate the action. But aren't we supposed to be always in control? No.

Your job is to not allow the wrong thing to be in control. And after that, there is the flow of life simple and ordinary.

But that's easier said than done because the conflict that you're talking of, let me pick that one up. There is this particular job. I'm fabricating it because that's a usual kind of dilemma. I have a great job, but that job requires me to relocate to Europe, whereas I have my aging parents in Bangalore or Mumbai. And I do have an offer that would place me in Bangalore or Mumbai. On the other hand, there is a much better, better in the conventional sense, a better offer that places me in London.

So what do I choose? This is a false dilemma. Because we are stating it as if it is between London and Mumbai. Whereas the fact is, what draws me to London is not love for the work but greed for the money. At the same time, that does not make Mumbai victorious. It is equally possible that what draws me to Mumbai is not love but tradition and obligation, or even fear of society. What will they say? "He neglected his old parents and fled to London."

So I have to be clear on these counts. And once I discount the possibility of fear, greed, obligation, and ignorance being present, then let life decide it for me. And I don't need to be necessarily heroic. Fine, if this job, I have taken; some other time, that job I'll take. My task is not to determine the right job, the right action.

You see, we are very little beings. We are like drops in the ocean. So the whole will command this little fragment. And that is definitely going to happen. We don't decide our age, our gender, our placement. We don't decide the diseases we'll get. We don't decide our genetic makeup. We don't decide practically any macro thing about ourselves. So it's all right to be tossed around in life. It's all right to be, not at the mercy of life, but in the lap of life. Let life do it for you.

Your job is not to necessarily be in command or control. Your job is to ensure that the wicked one inside is not active.

Are you getting it? Your job is not to determine the right action but to ensure that whatever action there is, is not coming from a false and very random and ugly kind of center. After that, anything is possible.

Most of the times when we present, I repeat, when we present a problem, the real problem is that the problem presented is not the real problem. The real problem is that, to hide the real problem, we present a false problem.

You know, these are the mechanisms of the ego. It will say, "The choice is between A and B." Whereas the fact is that A and B might both be representations of the same kind of ignorance. So choose A or choose B, you still remain equally ignorant. The real problem is somewhere else. Therefore, a false problem is often just constructed to distract, to distract.

Take care of the real problem. Take care of the inner entanglement. And then, let life do it for you. Let life be a flow. I might miss the flight tonight. That's fine. I can't always be in control. There is so much happening inside our bodies. If we all get ourselves thoroughly checked, sir, this moment itself, I'm pretty sure at least a couple of us will be in for a rude shock. Some disease might be brewing inside the body. That's life. That's the whole deciding it for you.

You can't do anything. The AQI is just so bad. You haven't done that, but that will have an impact on this body. That's fine. You are a part of the whole. If the whole is acting and your decisions are coming in relation to your environment, that's not necessarily bad. The problem is when your actions are arising from a distorted center within, from a deception within. Just ensure that is not happening, and then leave the rest.

Questioner: So this is when there's already a choice. So, London or Bangalore. But what about the preceding stage? So, when there are no offers, there's just confusion. So, you have the values, you have the callings, but you need to start acting to get to the choices. At the same time, you kind of want to go with the flow. So, how do you balance?

Acharya Prashant: This is a situation I've been through. This is a situation I have discussed, experienced. It is never that one does not have any offers graduating from a place like IIM Bangalore. It's just that one doesn't have the offers one likes. We set certain cutoffs and say, "If I don't get anything above that cutoff, then I'll say I don't have anything."

The fact is, the conditions have been imposed by you on life. Why are you imposing those conditions? You are educated. You are energetic. Right? You are young. You are healthy. You know the world. How is it possible that the world holds no possibilities, no positions for you? Is it possible? Please tell me.

But then we restrict the area of our action. We say, "Unless I get an offer that places me in a metro, unless I get an offer that gives me a designation beyond a certain level, unless I am paid something beyond a self-determined threshold, I will say I don't have an offer."

Is it real? Do I really not have an offer?

Well, there are so many deserving organizations in severe want of qualified manpower. How is it that there is a vacancy there, a crying vacancy there, and here we have a qualified person saying, "I don't have an offer"? Do you see? I mean, this doesn't quite add up.

It simply means that positions do exist, opportunities do exist, but we have prevented ourselves from accepting them because we have a certain image of the right kind of job. And unless the job available fits into the peg that we have created, the hole that we have created, we will say, "I don't have anything." Now, the hole that you have created might have a very peculiar shape, but you are insisting that the job must carry an equally peculiar shape, and only then you will call yourself lucky or benefited.

Now, that's too harsh, too strict a condition. Don't impose so many conditions on life. The only conditions that you must impose must be on yourself. Life cannot be controlled by anybody. The only control that we can have is on our own center, and after that, let life flow.

Don't care so much about what will happen next. That's the Nishkama Karma of the Gita. And that's the essential output of any serious philosophy. You cannot control life. It is much bigger than you. The part cannot control the whole.

Questioner: Thank you.

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