Ego thrives on appreciation and criticism || Acharya Prashant, with youth (2013)
Listener: I was given a leaflet in which it was written that when one appreciates you, then ego is born and if nobody appreciates you then also ego is born. Yesterday I appreciated one of my friends that she has a good voice but she replied very calmly and I didn’t find any ego in this.
Speaker: There are so many of you who will not get up and ask questions. They will wait till the crowd gets clear and I am alone here. Then they will come and ask the questions. Why would they do that?
Listener: Out of shyness in front of audience.
Speaker: They are afraid that the others may say that their question is stupid. Are you getting it? The fear of public speaking is considered as big a phobia as that of being caught in a burning room. Why? Because all your sense of what you are is coming from others. I come to you and tell you that you are wonderful and you start believing that you are wonderful. So, you are deeply afraid in asking a question as I may say to you that it is completely a stupid question. You will have to believe that as well. When I tell you that you are so smart and you believe it then you also have to believe that you are stupid. So people are afraid to come and speak.
Why must I depend on somebody else’s appreciation? I must have my own eyes to see myself. If I become happy when someone appreciates me then I will also have to become sad when someone criticizes me. Do you see this? You know we all feel nice and we find it perfectly normal when somebody says a good thing about us. If you have given somebody the right to make you feel good then you have simultaneously given him the right to make you feel bad. When you have given the right to somebody to come and appreciate you then you have also given him the right to insult you.
In the morning he comes to you and tells you that you are gorgeous and you feel good and in the evening he comes to you and says that you are looking devastated and you will feel bad. These two events are interlinked. You won’t have felt bad, had you not felt good in the morning. If I feel happy when you clap for me then I have to equally feel bad when you don’t clap for me. That is what is meant by this: ego thrives on both appreciation and criticism.
Ego is essentially my sense of the self coming from others . We all have a few things to tell about ourselves but have we really discovered them by ourselves.
I am a good leader. Why? Because all my friends say this. The same friends who tell you that you are a good leader, tomorrow they can tell you that you are a poor leader and then you will be devastated. If today you have to believe them, then you have to believe them tomorrow as well. The only option is to look at yourself through your own eyes.
To be bothered at all with whether you are appreciating me or criticizing me; both are ego. I will hear what you are saying, I will take it as an information but I will not let it become self–esteem. I will not let it become my self-image. I will take it as my feedback, that’s alright. You have something to say about me, I will take it,as a feedback.
Excerpted from a ‘Shabd-Yog’ session. Edited for clarity.
