Why Do Expectations Cause Disappointment?
Questioner: Acharya Ji, how to cope with stress? I get disappointed easily. Why is it so?
Acharya Prashant: Is there disappointment without a specific expectation?
Questioner: No.
Acharya Prashant: And when you expect, then obviously you never expect bad things for yourself. Or do you?
Questioner: No.
Acharya Prashant: So, when you expect, you expect good things to happen to you – “Good things will happen to me.” Now, just think of the good things that really happen to you or have happened to you; the really good things, not the small ones. I repeat, the really good ones. Have they happened to you because of your expectation and imagination?
Alright, let’s look at those good things. The first thing you probably like about yourself is – that you are, your being, the fact that you exist. Did that happen out of your expectation?
Questioner: No.
Acharya Prashant: It didn’t, right? Now, these essentials that you need for living, do they come to you because you expect them to come? And could you ever have expected them to come?
Questioner: Some things in my life come when I expect them to come, and some things come when I don’t.
Acharya Prashant: Whatever you expect to come, you expect it to come because you have some idea of it. For example, you plant a flower, and then you expect it to blossom because you have seen it blossom earlier. But do plants blossom because you expect them to blossom? They don’t, right?
And the world is full of such beauties.
The Sun rises every day and nice air has been provided to you. And the air has a particular composition that is perfect to be inhaled. These things are not happening to you because of your expectations. Even right now as you are listening to me, it is obvious on your face that you can connect, and you can understand. Did you really expect this to happen? Do you even have the time to expect, as we are talking? It is just happening. It is just happening on its own.
So, some really nice things are happening to you without your expectation.
Now you also consider what all people expect and want. Look at all that which people are wanting, desiring all the time. Look at all that. That’s what they expect, right? Look at the world around you, see what people are expecting. What is it that people expect? And whatever they expect, is it not deeply violent? Consider for a while that the expectations of this world come true. What kind of world do you see then? What kind of world do you see? Consider this room, if the expectations of all people in this room come true, what do you see will happen?
Deep chaos!
In fact, expectations of the people of this room may actually never come true, because their expectations are in conflict. Two men want the same woman, now how can everybody’s expectation come true? Somebody wants a 24-hour day and somebody wants a 24-hour night, how can their expectations come true parallelly, simultaneously?
It would be a very dangerous world where our expectations are coming true.
If you do not believe this, then just write down all that you desire in the course of the day. In the 24 hours, see what you desire, and also see what people desire, and also see what all they would desire if they know that their desires have this power.
So, if the world is somehow running, it is because our expectations do not really come true. And that which is really good for the world comes true even without your expectations.
We started off by saying that when you expect, you intend good for yourself. Nobody expects bad things. Now, where does your good lie – in your expectations, or in the blessings that you receive? Your expectations are not good for you.
You feel bad when your expectations are not fulfilled, because you are assuming that your expectations are good for you. The fact is not this. The fact is: Your expectations are bad for you. So, some wise man has said, “If I want to curse you, I will say, ‘May all your desires come true’.” That is the worst way of cursing somebody – “May all your desires come true. Now live with them, now bear the consequences.” That’s a curse.
So, this is always to be kept in mind – “I do not know my own good.” Can you remember this?
“I do not know my own good, so I cannot desire my own good.” “Existence knows what is good for me, so it sends me the Sun, it has given me the capacity to Love and Understand.” “There is a bigger power, a Totality that knows what is best for me, and let that bigger power, let that totality decide what is good for me.” “I should not look after myself, because I cannot look after myself. And if I try to look after myself I will only do myself harm. If I do not want to harm myself, then I should not have this stupid belief in my expectations.”
Are you getting it?
Now you will not be feeling bad and disappointed when your expectations are defeated. You will say, “Good that what I expected didn’t happen. Now something else will happen, and that will be better for me. It is great that what I desired didn’t happen. Surely something better is going to happen now.”
Questioner: I used to pray to get all my desires fulfilled. And earlier, they were getting fulfilled. But since few days, my desires are not getting fulfilled.
Acharya Prashant: So that means that your prayers are being answered now.
(Laughter)
When God answers your prayers then He rejects your desires. That is how He answers your prayers. In fact, that is the only prayer that you can do: “May my desires be defeated. May your desires prevail.”
