Is Early Marriage Compulsory?
Questioner: Actually, there is a compulsion of early marriage. So you were talking about the holiness of marriage, and in one of the interviews a very famous Indian entrepreneurial personality who actually hailed from your academic institution, he was judged in one of the reality shows.
He was saying the virtues of early marriage: that he completed his post-graduation and graduation at one go and immediately got married, and then he figured out what to do in life. And that way he was justifying that you get a clear mind, that you get to figure out what to do in life.
And we often see that many sports persons like footballers get a huge contract from a club and at the age of 21 they get married and often have three or four children thereafter before 30. That there is this compulsion of early marriage or marriage at all, and we often get stuck with a wrong person or maybe with a person at all.
Acharya Prashant: There is no compulsion, it's either a slavery you buy into or just an expensive luxury that the rich afford. Yes, you are saying that footballers and all get married at 21 and then have kids. What you're not saying is that they also get divorced at 23. It's just fun, a good pastime.
How many of them stick to one partner? Because they have money, there must be something to do, so go get married; what else to do with the money? Go buy the sexiest woman possible; what else to do with the money? So that's what it is.
As for the said gentleman, I do not know who you're referring to. But all that he is saying is founded on the assumption that right now he has figured out what to do in life. The argument runs like this: complete B.Tech and MBA in one go without a gap, then get married early, get kids early, and now you are successful. So the entire argument rests on the belief, the assumption, that right now you are successful. You have made it. It's a self-declared success of no avail. We have stories, dime a dozen, of successful ones who unravel very quickly.
See, the thing is, please understand, all this that we are doing: success, marriage, fidelity, money, prestige, whatever, all these are founded on self-ignorance. That is the problem. You have just no idea.
Please understand. See, there is this universe; there is this tiny planet. What the hell are you doing on this little ball? Please tell me. There is this little spherical speck of dust, and you're sitting on it. Who are you? Have you ever engaged in this question? Have you? You just take birth and start sleepwalking, and then you say, “You know, my aunt whispered in my ears that you must have this degree and you must move to the States and earn in dollars and get a green card, and then you are successful,” and such things.
So, you obey the script. You never ask: where is the script coming from? Who finalized my character there? Why should I call that fellow respectable? Why should I call that one successful? You never ask these questions. These are very basic questions. How do you even move an inch without asking these questions?
Yes, the answers might not be straightforward, but the questions are very valuable and they must remain. Somebody tells you, “Go get married, bear kids.” What do you know? You don't know your own birth, and you are giving birth. Can one be more stupid? You don't know what birth means, right? You don't know what life means. And you are saying, “Now this little thing, I’ve given him birth or her, whatever.” And then you are successful. That's another thing in the success CV, right? How many kids do you have now? It's like a weight off your mind; another box ticked: “Yes, now I have kids. Done.”
How do you know? Who told you? Where are these commandments coming from? Instead of jumping into the bandwagon of popular opinion, hold your horses. Ask yourself what's really going on. Don't let them mean too much to you, else they have the pygmies: they might measure up at max to your knee, but they have a way of catching your collar. Don't let them mean too much to you. First of all, go for the most important questions and pursuits in life.
No point playing blind. Before you start walking, start opening your eyes.
Another story I would recommend you to read: The Country of the Blind by H. G. Wells. And that story has both the ingredients you are so curious about: blindness and romantic love.
There is a scene in the story. So this man can see but accidentally he has strayed into the country of the blind, where everybody has been blind for generations; so blind that they have now become accustomed to blindness, and they have forgotten that they are blind. All their ways, customs, cultures, structures have now adapted to blindness.
So this striking scene: this man with vision, with two healthy eyes, has been caught and is being dragged by two blind men, one holding each arm of his. Do you see how powerful the imagery is? Two blind men; one on this side, one on that side; they're holding this one by the arm and they are leading him, dragging him.
And I was teaching this to young students like 20 years back. They were not even college kids; this one was with school students actually, class 11th or 12th, something. I asked them, “Who are these two people, you know?” Nobody responded; everybody laughed, and they kept laughing. These were kids. And I asked, “Who are these two people who know nothing, are totally blind, but are dragging this one and telling him: ‘You don't know a thing, we’ll show you the way’ who are these two people?” They didn’t utter a word, they just kept laughing. School students just kept laughing.
That's the tragedy of life: as you grow up, you stop laughing at stupidity. As you grow up, you start obeying stupidity. Remain that kid who can laugh at stupidity in its face without fear.
Questioner: Thank you, sir.
