I had been deeply conditioned by society. For me, religion was largely manual. I followed rituals, wore tilak, kanchi mala, Tulsi mala, and particular clothes. I listened to different religious babas, one after another, thinking that perhaps somewhere I would find the answers. But underneath all of this, I was deeply identified with the body and with how I appeared to others. Externally, I wanted to look confident, bold, and strong. But internally, I was timid and fearful. I was afraid of darkness. I was afraid of being alone. There was a lot happening inside me, but I was mostly concerned with how I looked from the outside. So I had many beliefs, many practices, and many things that I was following, but I didn't really have clarity. When I met Acharya Ji, something changed. I started seeing the difference between conditioning and clarity. Earlier, I had accumulated beliefs and practices, but I hadn't really questioned them. I was following what I had been taught. With Acharya Ji, I began to inquire. Instead of simply adding more beliefs to my mind, I started looking at my own conditioning, my fears, my identification, and the way I was living. And that gave me something I had been missing for a long time: clarity instead of confusion. I don't feel that I have reached some final destination. I am still on the journey of understanding, questioning, and seeing things more clearly. But at least now, I know the direction.
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