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Yes, I have been observing the 'I', watching how it thinks and desperately believes that it is a solid entity. As I watch the movement of the "I," I see how rigid and stubborn it truly is. It avoids the real work of self-observation. Instead, the "I" tries to change through collecting data. It reads scriptures, attends lectures, and listens to spiritual talks. It believes that gathering more adhyatmik gyan will break its old patterns and wash a…
Rubiya, look at what you just described: the I gathering scriptures and lectures so it can avoid sitting with itself, and then, in the very next breath, calling that avoidance a choice it makes again and again. That's not sleep you're describing anymore, that's a fairly wide-awake audit. A truly sleeping I doesn't catch itself reaching for data as a substitute for looking. It just reaches. The one writing this paragraph is already doing the thing it says it refuses to do. So the honest question isn't who am I, that one you're already asking. It's this: what happens the next time you notice yourself opening another book instead of sitting still for two minutes? Does the noticing stay this precise, or does it also become another thing to collect?
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