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Looking for love?
Author Acharya Prashant
Acharya Prashant
6 min
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Questioner (Q): When we go out, then we don’t see any other place in which we find love, maybe some song or some movie but very little, very rare case. And that creates a disappointment, we are always disappointed. But there are only very few places like coming to you, coming to your sessions, so, that’s the only thing I have found that I am in peace, that's the only place I have found that I am at peace. So, how would we tackle when we are going out, how would we tackle that?

Acharya Prashant (AP): First of all, you would feel settled only when you are left with no further need for looking for love outside of you. You said, “When we go out; when we go elsewhere then we find very little love.” As long as you are trying to locate love outside of you in the world, as long as you are trying to find a lovely object somewhere out there, it would remain a reason for disappointment.

Love is not something that you discover in another person, love is something that you carry with yourself, wherever you go.

To whom must you go to, in the world? Go to the one who reduces your need to keep searching for love here and there. Please understand this. Let’s say you go to an object you fancy. Simply put, let’s say you go to, a woman you like and you start calling her ‘the love of your life,’ and that period would be one of bliss. And the woman indeed seems to have brought love to you but she has also brought, and very strongly brought a concept to you, what is that concept? The concept is “An external person can bring love to you”. The woman obviously is giving you a period of bliss, no doubt about it, but she is also indoctrinating you in the concept that an external person can give you love or bliss. No! To whom must you go? Go to the one who helps you get rid of this concept. What is the woman doing? She is further reinforcing the concept that love is to be found in the external world; in places, thoughts, persons, accomplishments, ideas, something.

Go to someone, who would never say, “I am lovely, therefore, you are coming to me.” Go to someone with whom you can be for the reason, that, this togetherness, takes you both, to somewhere beyond, not to each other. Are you getting this? In general, when you like someone in the world, you have gone to that person and that’s what both the parties in this affair, would enjoy a lot. She says, “He comes to me,” and he says “She comes to me.” True love is about finding someone, with whom the two of you together can go to Someone else. That Someone else is the ultimate aim of all spiritual quest. That’s the person to be sought in the world, or if not a person then an avenue, or a book, or anything. Nothing in the world that attracts you to just itself is good for you. You need to find something, that just points you ahead towards something far bigger than itself. These are very different things, you see. There is that tree. That tree could either serve as an attractive object in its own right. Then you would say, then you would go, and surround the tree, and then your eyes would be glued to the tree. The tree has arrested you; do you see this? The tree has arrested you with its charms. And you could have a tree, that is a pointer to some other place far holier than the tree, find such a tree.

Q: Then that experience of the clarity or the love, would that be registered also, will we register that also that we experienced that kind of clarity?

AP: The experiences that you normally have will subside and that’s what is to be registered. Answering the previous question, we said that if you have unrest, the experience of unrest would subside. So, that’s what you will come to know by way of experience. “I had a terrible headache, I was experiencing it and now the experience of that headache has subsided,” that’s what you will come to experience. So, it would rather be a loss of experience. I was experiencing the headache, and on a scale of intensity, let’s say my experience-rated 10, and now my headache can be rated barely 4. So, something has happened but what has happened is not an additional experience. What has happened is…

Q: Intensity has decreased.

AP: …a reduction in the intensity of your usual experiences. Usually, if somebody comes and abuses you, you experience an upsurge of anger and resistance, and violence. You know that the spiritual process has succeeded when the usual experiences stop happening. Somebody has come and said a few nasty things and yet, the usual reaction is not arising, even you are surprised, “How am I not feeling angry?” Or even if the reaction is arising, it is feebler, it arises, it does not have power and after a while, it just fades away. Then you know that the process is succeeding for you, the usual experiences are, all going away.

Don’t search for new experiences, spirituality will not offer you new experiences, and that’s a great myth and also a great trap. The myth is, spirituality means exotic experiences. The trap is, searching for exotic experiences, you can land in very very dangerous places. If you strongly hold that spirituality means exotic experiences, then exotic experiences can be sold to you in the name of spirituality; jingle bells jingle bells, stars, and Saturns and their rings, holy sounds, stuff rising from within.

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