Questioner (Q): Namaste. I have done things in the past which I am not so proud of. Mingling with some girls in sexual way and regretting it later. Such things canтАЩt be taken back. And living with it, knowing that the sexual energy has affected me in subtle ways which I can very much feel. I donтАЩt know how to remove this sexual memory from my body. I tried searching online, how to get rid of this memory. And my mind is occupied with it and so is my body, I believe. I want to get rid of this essence that I have picked up. IтАЩm aware of the changes in my body and all I want to do is get rid of it.
Acharya Prashant (AP): Yes, but what is sexual memory? What do you mean by that?
Q: Like fragrances and like subtle changes that I feel that I have changed ever since that.
AP: Okay. See, it requires you to be occupied in the same kind of patterns as before. Right? If you live the same life as you were living hitherto, if you visit the same places, if you eat at the same places, then obviously all those things will return as nostalgia to you. You cannot be living the same kind of life and yet hope to not notice a missing part of that life.
Sexual activity, relationships are not something that happen in vacuum. So, you had a set of friends, you also had particular sartorial preferences, you also were spending time doing something like watching football, watching movies, visiting this place, doing this particular thing. And in the middle of all this and arising from all this and intermeshed with all this was the sexual aspect of life. Right? Now that sexual aspect might have proven to bring sorrow to you, so you want to get rid of it. Something happens, you know, in these things there is a degree of fragility always present. So, you now want to put it away but you want to keep everything else intact. ThatтАЩs not going to happen. If everything else remains the same way it was, then this part of life too will cry to remain the same as it was. You cannot say, тАЬIтАЩm still a lover of pizza but I donтАЩt like cheese anymore.тАЭ Every time they will serve you the pizza, youтАЩll be reminded of cheese. Fine, cheese might still be dispensable, but you cannot say, тАЬI am a lover of pizza, I continue to be a lover of pizza but I donтАЩt want the bread anymore.тАЭ Every time theyтАЩll serve you pizza sans bread, you will clamor for bread.
