How do I really know somebody? || Acharya Prashant, with youth (2013)
Question : How do we know anybody? How do we really know anybody?
Speaker : Let us first see that how do we presently work, what is our way of knowing and relating to other people. How do we look at anybody? Pay attention to this.
How do we look at anybody? Do we look at people as they are? No. Our eyes are covered with a lot of filters, filters of identity, beliefs, of our own prejudices, of the opinions that we are already carrying about others, and with these eyes we look at others.
Can looking be really possible if you already have an opinion about the other?
Is it possible to really know the other person or the other situation or whatever when your mind is already carrying an opinion about the other? It is impossible, because if you strongly believe that you already know then you can no more know, that is the way we operate.
We never really look at anything. We always look at people, situations, places with some kind of a belief, and that belief is a great barrier to really knowing. With that belief you can never know anything, never. So, it is no wonder that we are deceived.
It is not surprising at all that we are deceived, but nobody else is responsible for this deception. Nobody else is responsible if life makes a fool of us. We ourselves are responsible. We never bother to look at life honestly and directly. We look at life with these filters, and these filters are the enemy of truth . They will never let you know.
Then you would ask, ‘Is it possible to be without these filters? From where do these filters come? From where do these obstructions to truth arise?’ They come from your own identities. You said that you want to know the truth of an individual. Right? Let us try to understand.
Let there be some building which a Hindu calls as a ‘temple’. That same building, that single building when one individual looks at it, a great feeling of devotion arises in his heart. And when another fellow looks at it, nothing happens, nothing happens at all. In fact, he may feel a repulsion, because he has belonged himself to some other religion. Now, how can you know the truth of anything? It is just a mere building, a structure of brick and mortar. But you are approaching it with a mind set. You are approaching it with an opinion, an identity.
We need to understand that behind an opinion lies an identity.
My identity is that I am a Hindu, so my opinion is that this building is sacred. Conversely, my identity is that of a Muslim, so my opinion is that this building is immaterial, it does not matter. Obviously, none of them, neither of these two individuals are looking at the reality, both of them have been blinded by their identities. Are you getting it? Because we all carry identities wherever we go, from these identities come our opinions and these opinions never allow us to look at the truth, never.
Do we know of ourselves as anything except the identities that have been given to us?
We have no understanding of who we are. All our self-knowledge is limited to these identities that have been handed over to us by environment, by others, by parents, by society, by education. It is a very funny situation, if you look at it. Somebody else gives you an identity, based on this identity you form an opinion, that opinion prevents you from seeing the truth, and then you wonder why am I unable to know the truth. You are unable to know the truth, the reality because you are determined to not to know the reality. Your mind is full of beliefs .
An intelligent mind is one which can turn inwards look at these beliefs and asks itself, ‘Where did these beliefs come from and what are these beliefs doing to me?’
We already believe that we know what education is, what is meaning of career, what is money all about. We believe we know what is meant by a good life. When we believe all this, there is no way of really exploring what is freedom, what is a good life, what is love, what is joy, what this world is all about.There is no way we can know that because others have already implanted beliefs in our mind.
The mind finds it very simple. When ready-made beliefs are available, why find out on your own, why make all the effort ? There are others and they are always ready to provide us with second-hand, ready-made identities, beliefs, ideas. Just take those ideas, just borrow those ideas, and carry on with life. Why find out? And when you would not find out, you will be deceived.
Whenever you will approach a situation, a person or life, with a pre-existing notion, you will find that life is making a fool of you. You will find that you are failing again and again and you will not understand the reason. You will keep on wondering that why does this happen with me. The reason is simple: You are responsible for it. You have never bothered to go into your own mind. Right?
So, next time you come across somebody, or a situation, or something, try to look at it very directly, very honestly. Try to look at it as if you are looking at it for the very first time, with no baggage of past or beliefs or identities, and then you will find yourself closer to the truth. Right?
– Excerpts from a Samvaad session. Edited for clarity.
