To Overcome Fear of Rejection, Be Spiritual and Not a Social Slave

Question: A simple rejection from anybody affects me completely. How to overcome this and what causes this disappointment?

Acharya Prashant: Rejection might be simple, but do you keep it simple? Do you allow it to remain simple? Do you know what ‘simple’ means? Simple means, direct. Simple means, it is what it is. I do not add anything to it, I do not distort it, I do not take away anything from it. Rejection is rejection. But for you is it merely rejection?

You make it a part of your self-assessment. It all pertains to the question, ‘Who am I?’ When there is no clarity on that question, then that question clamours to be answered. And it gets answered in very confused ways, in very distorted ways. ‘Who am I?’ The one, who will be accepted by others. ‘Who am I?’ One, among the others. Are you getting it?

Whenever your own self-worth will be dependent on others and hence limited, you will be constantly eager to get approval. When you want approval and you get rejection, it has a bearing on your very sense of being. ‘Others have rejected me and caused me to diminish’. In some sense it is a fear of disappearance, because all that I am depends so much on others’ approval, so a point will come, when they may even cause me to disappear because, ‘Who am I?’, the one who exists as per the others, the one who lives well approved by others. ‘I exist, when others approve me’. So what will happen to me if approval changes into rejection? ‘I will cease to exist. I am gone! Where am I?’

And remember it is not about having a low or high self-esteem and it’s not about having a small or a large self-worth. Small or large are merely numbers. Low or high are again merely numbers. Every number has a limit. What you call as small, it may be large for somebody else. Every number is fundamentally the same. What is it? A limit. Every number is fundamentally just a limit. Whenever you will quantify yourself, whenever you will make yourself prone to measurement, the result will be this. Are you getting this?

Anybody who is not deeply spiritual will always be a social slave , that is his punishment.

People often ask you that what do you get by reading all this? Why do you go to attend Clarity Sessions? What is the point? This is the point. ‘Freedom is my nature, I do not want to live and die a slave’ . Do you understand slavery? Imagine that you are standing somewhere and someone comes and says, ‘Wow, Kalika, you are looking good’, and three inches get added to your height. Another one comes and says, ‘Wonderful, you have done it! Beautiful, and two kilograms get added to your weight’. And then comes someone else and says, ‘Eh! This one. The scum of the earth, rubbish of existence, dirt, filth’. And even as he is saying this you are withering down, like bark that falls down from the trees. So as he is saying this, you are collapsing, like a sand castle. And this is inevitable if you are not deeply spiritual.

You see, a loaf of bread may cost ten rupees in India and it may cost two-hundred fifty rupees in some other country. So it is ten in India and two hundred fifty in some other country, it is twenty-five times. Does it matter? Both are mere numbers. Both are mere measurements, limits. So you may have high self-esteem or you may have a low self-esteem, high and low are just quantities, numbers. In front of infinity, are ten and ten million different?

Audience: No.

Acharya Prashant: So the infinite has to be there, whatever is finite will be diminished. Whatever is finite will be prone to ups and downs, whims and fancies, vicissitudes of time. Time will inflate it, time will deflate it. Unless the infinite is there, even the biggest cannot help you. The biggest in your world, the biggest, would just be a number. Remember, no number means anything in front of infinity. No number! Because every number, howsoever large it is, can ultimately be contained in the mind. A tea-cup,that is the worth of the biggest number that you can think of. How big is the biggest number that you can think of? Smaller than the tea-cup! That is the biggest number that you can think of. And then there is the swelling ocean in front of you. Can there be a comparison? Can there be a comparison? Your biggest number is smaller than the tea-cup. And here you have the waving ocean.

Unless you are connected to the ocean, and so deeply connected that you are that ocean, there can be no respite for you. You will keep suffering. Put it the other way.

Anybody who is suffering is bound to be not spiritual.

You find a man suffering, and it is for certain that he is not connected to the ocean. That is why somebody has said that suffering is sin. Because suffering implies that you are some kind of a heretic. God is absent from your life. Otherwise how can you suffer?

Audience: Sir, how can this bondage be removed?

Acharya Prashant: You will have to start with just mentally remembering what you are not. All our thoughts about ourselves are thoughts of limits, are thoughts of our smallness. What we call as very dear to ourselves is exactly what keeps us small and chained. Till the time my welfare depends on my efforts, my welfare would always be prone to disturbances, because efforts are limited. And my welfare depends on? My efforts. So you will be under tension, the mind would always be under a cloud. Why? Because ‘my’ welfare depends on ‘me’. And I am limited. So how can I relax? How can I relax?’ But that is our identity, that is our training. That my well-being depends on me. And who am I? Problem.

(Silence)

To daughters, I say that till the time you keep thinking that you are a daughter of your father, there will be a problem, because the father is limited, the family is limited, the resources of the family are limited. And their ability to help you is limited. So till the time you are your father’s daughter, there is a problem. You must be the daughter of existence! You want to call it God, call it that. It was not without a reason that Kabir and other saints would refer to themselves as the beloved of the supreme. They would say that their lover is nobody but God. In fact, they were categorical and said that there can be no other lover. Because if I am the wife of a man, then I am inviting suffering. Because the man is?

Audience: Limited.

Acharya Prashant: And if the man is the one who is going to be responsible for my well-being, for my security, then there is a problem, because the man himself is not secure. The man cannot take care of himself, how will he take care of you? That is the reason that I have to be the wife of God. Nobody other than God can suffice. And that is the reason why we suffer. Because we have related ourselves to all the dwarfs and pygmies around us. You are in a building, and the building is constantly under attack. The guard, the watchman that you have appointed is a two hundred fifty years old, half-dead man who uses his gun like a walking stick. Now how relaxed can you be? How relaxed will you feel? That is our situation! ‘Dear husband will take care of me’. Now husband dear cannot walk on his two legs, he requires a third one, that is his situation. The third leg is the walking stick. With this kind of a three-legged animal, how will you feel secure?

(Silence)

Lets God be your sentry, only then, only then, but there is a deep problem then. How can I be the daughter of God? Because if I am the daughter of God, then the entire world has to be?

Audience: My family!

Acharya Prashant: My family. This now is a problem. How can I share my bread with the neighbour? How can I share bread with the cats and dogs? How can I feel one with them? No, they are enemies. Do you see the problem? With God as the father, existence has to be the family, and godliness has to be the religion. But you have to be a Hindu, so godliness cannot be your religion. So, this is a problem.

If God is the husband, then I cannot have only two kids, then all the kids in the world are my kids. Now, that is immense responsibility! Who wants to take that? Let me enjoy the comfort of having just Chunnu and Munnu. So long as you are simply the mother of Chunnu and Munnu, you are inviting suffering for yourself, and for Chunnu and Munnu as well. All the Chunnus and Munnus are suffering because their mothers are not the wives of God.

Anything less than the infinite will not suffice, and the infinite is not a part of your worldliness. The infinite is another dimension, you may call it ‘spiritual’. Unless there is a spiritual core to your living, you will continue to suffer.

(Silence)

It was not without reason that Jesus said that I am son of God. It is not without reason that the Vedas will tell you that you are the son of the immortal. It was not without reason that Ramakrishna would call Kali as his mother. Unless Kali is your mother, unless you are the son of God, it is impossible for you to relax.

But you know, one cannot have two fathers, so there is a choice involved. Till the time you are holding on to miscellaneous husbands and fathers, you will not reach that ONE father. You cannot have a primary father and a secondary father. The devotion has to be complete. No miscellaneous entities are allowed.

I have quoted this earlier as well,

*Kabira rekha sindoor ki kaajal kiya na jaye, Tan man mein pritam basa* , dooja kahaan samaay

There is no room for a second husband. How can I be infidel to Him. With one husband, how can I look at the other one? There is no space for you. Get out!

Dooja kahaan samaay ? *Tan man mein pritam basa* , dooja kahaan samaay

There is no space for second one, and there is no comparison.

Look at Him and look at you. A wonderful garage is made for the finest cars and you are trying to park your rusty old bicycle in it. Can that be allowed? How would that be? A wonderful throne has been made for the king, and some third class swindler, thug is trying to sit on that throne. Can that be allowed?

The throne has to be reserved only for the ‘king’, the ‘father’, the ‘husband’. Nobody else must be allowed to go there, and then you can be in peace. The empire is in safe hands! Great empire, great throne, but who is sitting on the throne? That debauched male that you call as ‘husband’. Now, what will happen to the empire?

(Silence)

The empire is the universe. No wonder it is in shambles.

(Silence)

(Singing) mere to girdhar gopal (Only God is mine).

Audience: (Singing) doosro na koi (None other than God is mine).

Acharya Prashant: doosro na koi (None other than God is mine).

You have to come to this. Nobody else, but HIM. And then who can diminish you? Then who can make you feel small? Mrs. God. Can you beat that?

(Laughter)

– Excerpts from a Clarity Session held at Advait Sthal. Edited for clarity.

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