How to Control One’s Anger? Best Ways Explained By Acharya Prashant
Questioner: My question is about anger. A few days back I got angry over the behaviour of another woman on the road and bashed out on her, without thinking anything. I then got this feeling that it should not have been done. I don’t know what I was doing. Inside I was feeling like, “How could I do that?” At the same time what was happening was intolerable.
Acharya Prashant: If it was really not tolerable, why do you blame yourself for getting angry?
Questioner: No, I am not blaming the anger but this doesn’t usually happen.
Acharya Prashant: Why is the incident still sitting in your mind? Surely there is guilt. Surely you are blaming yourself. Do you remember everything that has happened over the last five days? Then why do you remember this one in particular? Because you do not like that you got angry. It violates the image that your teachers and parents and all the nice books provided you. “The nice lady does not get angry”. Why does the nice lady not get angry?
Everything has its place in existence. Why must you not get angry? Why?
Questioner: Maybe it is morality which makes me think that I should be nice-nice to others.
Acharya Prashant: When we do not know the essence of something, then the subtle is crudely modified into the gross. And the gross is taken as the Truth. So, a Great One comes and he talks of non-violence. We do not really understand violence. So, what do we do? We take the apparent characteristics of non-violence and label all of them as the essential, because it is easy to follow that kind of behaviour.
Do not ask, “Why did I get angry?” Ask, “Why does guilt arise? Why this divided mind? Why can’t my anger be complete?” And if there is completeness, would not the anger be transformed? Does not resistance to anger give fuel to the anger? In trying to control yourself, are you not giving yourself energy to act in the same way?
That’s the basic principle of duality. What you try to control you give energy to that.
“I do not want to get angry. I do not want to get angry. I do not want to get angry.” And you are constantly, thus thinking of anger. That’s quite a nice and cunning way of thinking of anger. Anger is attractive. “But I have been told by my moral values teacher that anger is bad. But anger is seductive. Anger attracts. So, now I think of anger through the other route. I think of anger by telling myself not to be angry.”
So, there is the lustful man. He thinks of women by saying all the time, “Women are wonderful. Women are nice, attractive, good to have.” And then there is the moral man who has read a few scriptures. He thinks of women in the other way. What is the other way? “Women are bad.” It is a nice way of remaining involved with women. “Look at her. Look at her. See how bad she looks! Look at her. See, how she is walking! Look at her hips. No, no, please, look at her hips. She has no dignity at all. See, look closely. Pay attention. See, how shameless she is!” And you can even go close to her and say, “Madam, do you see how you are dressed? I condemn this shamelessness. These kinds of clothes are not appropriate at all. So, I command that you get rid of them right now.”
(Everyone laughs)
“And here are my five scriptures. They are clearly saying that lust is bad. That is why I don’t want you to wear these clothes. Please get rid of them. And if you do not want to get rid of them, you can have my coat. When can I come to your home to take my coat back? Or, would you come over to my place to deliver it?” That’s a basic premise of morality. When somebody gives you something, you ought to return it.
