Marriage vs Career: What Vedanta Says About Women's Freedom
Questioner: First of all, I want to thank you. You are one of the reasons I'm studying here. So, sir, there is a certain age. Before this, especially for women, even boys have faced it, but especially for women. Before that age, all our achievements are considered good. But after some age, our main achievement is marriage. It's considered as...
Like, I come from a society, or even every society. Like, here I am, this is the same thing. Achievements, academic achievements, are main. But when I go back to that society, which is my Truth, which society I love, now that society ascribes a woman's achievement to marriage. If a woman is doing a job, she's not married, and she does not have a child, she is considered worthless. And someone who...
Acharya Prashant: How many lives do you have? We are talking of rebirth here so many times. How many lives do you have?
Questioner: Like, for me, the one life.
Acharya Prashant: One life. What do you want to care for? That regressive society or your life?
Questioner: Sir, but that society is my Truth. I love that.
Acharya Prashant: That society is not your truth. This life is your Truth. And if that society is your Truth, I must be false.
Questioner: Sir, but I have to live in that. I'm living here now. I have to go back to that society.
Acharya Prashant: No, no. You go back out of your own volition. Why do you choose to go back?
Questioner: Sir, because I love them.
Acharya Prashant: No, no, no. You must love your life first.
Questioner: I do love my life.
Acharya Prashant: You can't have both of them parallelly.
Questioner: But that's my Truth.
Acharya Prashant: No, that's not your Truth. That's your conditioning. That's your past. That's your bondage. That's your chain.
Questioner: I am free of all that.
Acharya Prashant: If you are free of all that, this question wouldn't have arisen.
Questioner: No, sir. I am free of all that, but I'm living in that.
Acharya Prashant: You're not living in that society. You're choosing to go back to it.
Questioner: I have to go back.
Acharya Prashant: No, you don't have to.
Questioner: Sir, where will I go then?
Acharya Prashant: The entire world is open to you.
Questioner: Who will I call my family?
Acharya Prashant: The entire world is open to you. She's your family. He's your family. I am your family. What else did they mean when they said family?
Questioner: Who will take my responsibility?
Acharya Prashant: Why should somebody take your responsibility?
Questioner: No, not responsibility. No one will love me that way that my family does.
Acharya Prashant: You really think, those who want to put you in ancient chains, they love you? Is that your definition of love?
Questioner: But they have stood by me.
Acharya Prashant: Have they stood by you, if you are complaining against them?
Right now they don't count any of your achievements, your intellect, your consciousness. All that they care for is your womb, your birth, your pregnancy, your sexuality. This is all that they care for. Do they really love you?
Questioner:* No, but most of the women...
Acharya Prashant: Why don't you just get me? No, no, forget most of the women. First of all, admit that there is no love.
Questioner: Sir, I cannot say there is no love.
Acharya Prashant: You cannot say this, then you stand by them, you go back. What can I do?
Questioner: Sir but if we see it in a practical way...
Acharya Prashant: No ma’am, it cannot happen this way.
Questioner: If I go to some other society also, the same thing will happen.
Acharya Prashant: No, no. Not the same thing will happen. No. That's a lame excuse.
Questioner: Sir, only if I stay here...
Acharya Prashant: If all societies are the same, then this society must be the same as that. But you said that this is not the same as that, which means societies do differ.
Questioner: Yes, but till where? Till how much can I live here?
Acharya Prashant: So go back to a society even better. From IISC, gates to the entire world open.
Questioner: But when I have my vacation, I will want to go back to my family.
Acharya prashant: When you have your vacations, there is this entire planet and various cultures to go and know and experience and learn from. Why do you think that in your vacations you must go back to some dirty old village and participate in some dirty old ritual? Why must that happen? I'm asking very bluntly because my time is limited.
Questioner: Yes, sir.
Acharya Prashant: No, seriously.
Questioner: Yes, sir. Sir, one more question to this. Even women have a biological clock. Men don't have it. So, is this nature's way of telling that we are inferior because we have to make that choice between career and marriage?
Acharya Prashant: No, no. Euphemism please. What do you mean by the biological clock?
Questioner: Biological clock is, you cannot have a child.
Acharya Prashant: So, have a child, what's the problem with that?
Questioner: But boys can help do anything. They can have a career after that. Why, for us, this limitation?
Acharya Prashant: Don't have a child.
Questioner: No, sir. Then that's a choice. I want to have a career. I can't have this. Boys can have both things. I have no offense to any boy, sorry. But just about nature.
Acharya Prashant: Wait. This is your life, right?
Questioner: Yes, sir.
Acharya Prashant: You have one life. Right?
Questioner: Yes, sir.
Acharya Prashant: And you want to have a career.
Questioner: Yes, sir.
Acharya Prashant: You are saying you also must have a baby. Do these things come from the same center?
Questioner: No, sir.
Acharya Prashant: Wait, wait. Please understand what I'm saying because I know what you are saying. What you are saying is said by millions of girls. But what I am saying might be a little different. So please...
Questioner: I am okay, but there might be a girl who wants to have a child, who wants to have a career.
Acharya Prashant: Wait, wait. Please understand. If she knows, if I know I'm in a jail, Will I reproduce? Am I an animal?
Questioner: No, sir.
Acharya Prashant: Who am I?
Questioner: Human being. Conscious human.
Acharya Prashant: I'm not a pig that, even if I'm in a gutter, I would still breed. Do you get what I'm saying?
Questioner: Yes, sir.
Acharya Prashant: Freedom...
Questioner: Yeah, but okay. The thing is, boys have the freedom to come out of that jail and have that choice. Girls do not have it.
Acharya Prashant: Come out of that jail, no?
Questioner: So that will take time.
Acharya Prashant: Let that take time.
Questioner: So then the biological…
Acharya Prashant: You have a lot of time. How old are you?
Questioner: So, but doctors don't say that, no? A man can have his career till 40.
Acharya Prashant: The same biological impulse that makes you care so much for a baby lies at the root of all primitive bondages that come to a woman and also to a man.
Please understand. There are certain chemicals. They make you want to have a baby. There are certain chemicals that make a man lust after a woman. There are certain chemicals that make you be territorial and say, "This piece of land is mine, and I'll kill the neighbor." There are certain chemicals that make you value taste more than nutrition.
All that is physical. And why do you want to fall prey to it? Who told you that? Please think of it. Please think of it neutrally. A baby pops out of your body. What's so great about it?
Questioner: Sir, it's not about that. It's about, we are limited to make that choice.
Acharya Prashant: Are baba, options must have some value.
Questioner: We should have the option.
Acharya Prashant: Option is there, but if an option is valueless, would you still choose it?
Yes, the option is there. The option that there is this baby coming from your womb is there. Why do you want it?
Questioner: Sir, many people want it.
Acharya prashant: You are not many people. Why do you want it?
Questioner: Sir, I am not saying, I'm just saying that that option is not there.
Acharya Prashant: That option is there. One can get pregnant right now. That option is there.
Questioner: No, no. I want my career first.
Acharya Prashant: Abhi option ki baat ho rahi hai choice ki nahi, option maane ye bhi hai, yeh bhi hai, yeh bhi hai.
Should I value this physical thing more than this interaction? Something is popping out of my body also. Should I? Then why must women? Don't you see its centuries of conditioning? Centuries of conditioning make you feel as if the entire purpose of your life is contained in the womb. It's not.
See, I'm not insulting or humiliating women who choose to have kids. I'm just asking them. I'm inviting them to inquire where the impulse to have a baby comes from. And if you don't have freedom in your life, what will you do with that baby?
Questioner: So, I'm just saying, at my age a boy has a choice. I don't have it. Why is nature distinguishing between us?
Acharya prashant: Let the boy ask his own question, sing his own song. We throw him away right now. Right? We are talking about our life, right? I, to me, exist as an individual. I am n years old and I have a life to live.
The question is: To what extent can I allow social conditioning, in the form of the society I come from, and physical conditioning, in the form of the female body that I hold? To what extent can I allow these to dominate me? That's the question.
I'm asking you again. If you were imprisoned, let's say with a few male prisoners, would you think of breeding? You're still imprisoned. Why don't you see that? Break out first.
Questioner: Sir, I have broken out, but I'm just asking why nature has done this thing.
Acharya prashant: Nature has not done anything.
Questioner: Like, we are different, no?
Acharya prashant: Who is different?
Questioner: Like, I'm different…
Acharya Prashant: No, you're not different. You have a different body. You're not different. I am conscious, so are you. You are not different. And mind you, if you declare yourself different, differences will very soon turn into hierarchy. If you say you are different, then the difference would also mean domination. Man, woman, because they are different. So, this is up, this is down. And that is what has resulted in centuries of exploitation.
So, don't say you are different. Yes, you have a particular kind of body having a particular kind of chemicals. That is fine. But you are as conscious as any of these present here. That's your primary identity, and embrace that. Otherwise, if you are different, then there should be different courses for women at IISc. There should be different departments. Even the mic should be pink.
You're different. Black is like these guys. Right? You're different, so a pink mic. Two mics. Why not? It used to happen, actually. They used to say, "Go back to the same old society," and they would say, "Mardana, janana," and all the women would sit this side because they are different.
Don't say that. That's a very dangerous thing to say: "We are different. Ham to auratein hain na, hamein to aise to..." don’t. That's exactly what patriarchy wants to hear, that you are different. And that's the same argument they will throw at you. “Dekh, tu apne bhaiyon jaise mat kar.” You are different. You are a girl, so behave differently, live differently, choose differently." And that difference is hierarchy. That difference is exploitation. Don't let that happen.
You are, first of all, consciousness. Consciousness with this asset called the body. Now, as a conscious person without any sex or gender, consciousness has no gender. Now, as asexual consciousness, not a sexual.
Now, as consciousness free of gender, look at yourself and say, "Okay, this is the body that I have. How do I use it? What do I do with it?" And it has its own rhythm. To what extent do I want to interfere? To what extent is it necessary to interfere? And I have my own purpose. The body has its own rhythm. I want to be a researcher. The body wants to be a mother. Who comes first?
When it comes to an animal, the question doesn't even arise. Right? The animal would say, "Yes, I want to be a mother." The animal becomes a mother.
When it comes to a madman, think of it. Even madmen can have kids. The question doesn't even arise. They will say, "If the body is saying something, it must be done. If the body is saying something, it must be done."
Animals don't care for consciousness. Right? Mad people don't care for consciousness, and they still reproduce.
Reproduction is not your primary function. Your primary function is liberation. Liberation over reproduction. There has to be a clear priority. Consciousness over body.
Right?
That doesn't mean that we are kicking the body apart. That simply means that we know that we are not to be dictated by the instincts and the imperatives of the body. Yes, we will listen to the body. Yes, I know what the body is saying. Yes, I'm not trying to be cruel to the body.
But that doesn't mean... Right now, as I stand in front of you, maybe I have a pain here. Maybe. Is that not likely? Please tell me. It's possible there's something wrong with my throat. Should I listen to that? Should I? Should I listen? I actually have something in my throat. Should I listen to that? I won't. Right? And the throat and the womb are much the same in the sense that they are both parts of the body. Why should I listen to my throat? I know what to use it for, and I'll use it.
