Why are You so Angry Over Yourself?
Acharya Prashant: Latha is saying, why does she get angry so often even over small matters? Especially with some people, she is unable to control anger and she says she tried to change her attitude but hasn’t been quite successful. She is saying, now, how to change myself. Because anger causes health issues. So, you already know that you are not angry over the people you express your anger on. You are not too concerned about the things that you are making an issue of. Look at your statement. “ I get angry over small things. “ So you know that those things are small. You know that those things are not worth getting angry over. So, obviously your anger has to do with something else.
You know what? There is one big fat bully in the adjacent room, Latha! And when I was coming to this side, he caught me and held me by the neck and abused me and punched me. And I couldn’t do anything. He was 6 feet six inches and 120 kilograms, twice as broad as me. And I think he also had a gun. What could I do? Nothing. So even as I was bullied, I just stayed silent. I kept on feeling humiliated and small and vengeful. But said nothing because saying anything meant danger. So I somehow escaped from there and came into this room. And now, I have you all.
And now what do I do?
(Addressing the listeners)
You, Latha! How dare you wear pink. Pink is a privated colour. Have you no common sense? Wearing pink. Shouldn’t I just throw this water on your face? Don’t ever wear pink again.
You Parameshwari! You are asking such long questions. Who do you think you are? Always asking questions. You never get any answers.
You! You are unnecessarily showing that you are bothered and sick. What’s wrong with you? You are fit and fine. You want to make a fool of me? I'll slap you hard!
And you! Dirty fellow. Have you not had a bath? Why do you stink so much? I could feel the stink from the airport.
And you, fat man! Hiding behind somebody so slim and trim.
And this one! Anoushka. I'll pull her by the hair and bang her against the wall!
This camera! Such an old camera Dirty piece of equipment. Let’s just smash it.
This fan is making too much noise. Let’s all hang by this fan.
There is the bedsheet.
And who is in the next room? Latha, who is there in the adjacent room? The big, fat, 6’ 6” bully with the gun. Who is he? Huh?
This is the lowest kind of reaction. To be angry at someone and not even having the guts to know who you are really angry on.
So what do you do?
You keep expressing anger ? All and sundry. And everybody keeps thinking that you are a total crackpot. If the tea is too hot, you are angry that the tea is too hot. And if it is a little cold, you are angry that it is cold.
In short, nothing is ever alright. You always find some reason to get angry. And in this imperfect universe, nothing is ever going to be perfect. So you always have a genuine reason to be angry. This is the lowest kind of reaction. Higher than this is to identify the bully and face him straight away. I could advise you to do that. I won’t.
Surprise!
You are probably thinking that I will say why are you targeting these innocent people. Why not face the real culprit? No, I won’t advise you that. Facing the violent bully is better than getting irritated, frustrated over seemingly, relatively innocuous people and matters. But there is an even better solution available. You know, the pretense is that one is angry over the little people in this room. The fact is that one is angry over?
Questioner: The person next room.
Acharya Prashant: The bully in the next room. The reality is that one is angry over herself. That’s what I want you to understand. If you belong to the lowest level of comprehension, then you will say I am angry over the people in this room. And you can keep pretending that these people are actually the mischief-makers and you will find some way to justify your assertion. Better than that is to say that I am really angry over the...
Questioner: The person in the next room.
Acharya Prashant: And the best is to realize that one is angry over herself. You know why you are angry? You know why anybody is ever angry? Because we allow ourselves to get hurt. Someone within us knows that we are so very immense and invincible that it is not our nature to get hurt. There is something within us that is not so vulnerable. That cannot be broken or dented. That cannot be blemished. You cannot get hurt and yet you allow yourselves to get hurt. And that is why you are angry with yourself. So the non-culprits are the various people you vent your anger on. The factual culprit is the man next door. And the real culprit is...
Questioner: Yourself.
Acharya Prashant: You are the real culprit because you live and behave and believe as if you are small and vulnerable and weak and meek. Why do you consider anybody so big that he appropriates the authority to hurt you. I have repeated a million times that you cannot be hurt without your consent. But you believe in the same value system that the bully believes in. Please understand. The bully bullies you based on certain fundamental assumptions. For example, his assumption is that the gun is power. The gun is...
Questioner: Power.
Acharya Prashant: There are other things that can be held as a proxy to power. For example, money or knowledge. So he believes that guns or money or knowledge are power. And he believes that power makes him big. You too believe that guns and money and knowledge are...
Questioner: Power.
Acharya Prashant: And because you do not have the gun and because you do not have the money and because you do not have the power, so you are powerless. So, in a sense you and the bully belong to the same school of thought. Don’t you?
Questioner: Yes.
Acharya Prashant: He too believes that the gun is power and you too equally believe that gun is power. Now, the gun is power and who has the gun?
Questioner: The bully.
Acharya Prashant: So who will dominate the other? He will dominate you. Both of you believe in the same thing that money is power. And who has the money? He has the money. And he will dominate you. Obviously. And both of you share the conviction that knowledge is power. And who has knowledge? He has knowledge. So obviously he will manhandle you. Totally control you. Lord over you. Is it his fault? It is your life. And your life is being spent on fear and domination, then fundamentally whose fault is it? Whose responsibility? It’s yours right? Why do you believe that money is authority? Why do you believe that power is authority? But you will continue to believe in all that till the time you come to the real authority. You will have no option but to believe in the power of the gun and the power of money and knowledge and prestige and so many other things of the world, you know? Till you come to the one with actual power. Then you will be left believing in the power of money and you won’t be believing in the power of money, right? That would be the situation. Now the situation is a little asymmetric. He is standing in front of you and he is holding a gun to your chest. And he is waving money at you. And he is proudly displaying all his knowledge. But you are saying that none of this is power. So why should I accord you the status of an authority? Why should I think that you are big? Yes, you do have a gun. But the gun is not power. Yes, you do have money. You are waving currency notes at me. But money is not power. Yes, you do have knowledge and contacts and wealth and prestige, and whatnot? But none of that is power. Now, can he harm you, hurt you, dominate you? Can he? No. Because he is now powerless in front of you. With all his money and power and knowledge, he is...
Questioner: Powerless.
Acharya Prashant: So actually who accorded him the power? You did. It’s not the gun that dominated you. It’s the meaning that you invested in the gun that dominated you. It’s not his money that dominated you. It’s the meaning you accord to the money that dominated you. Otherwise, somebody can keep showing his millions to you. You will say, yes. Very much there. But they don’t mean anything to me. And if they don’t mean anything to you, then?
Questioner: They can’t dominate.
Acharya Prashant: He cannot dominate you. Latha, who is that person who finds a lot of meaning in money? What is that person called? Greedy. So what is then the cause of fear? Greed. Now first of all you are greedy. And then you are shouting and abusing others. Who is greedy? ....Who is greedy?...And on top of that she gets angry on small people over small matters. Does she get angry over the big bully? That rarely happens. But she can get angry at the carpenter and the gardener and the driver and the shopkeeper. How dare you give me a yellow manual?.... Anger can go all the way to the rice grower also. Where is that damn farmer? Useless fellow. ... Let’s beat him up.
But Latha, before you can say that money is not power, you have to go a little deep. Into the very root of power. You know what power is? The ability to make things happen. The ability to make things move. The ability to bring about real change is power. The ability to bring about...
Questioner: Real Change.
Acharya Prashant: The ego can never bring about real change. Ego only transforms. Trans – forms. Transforms means?
Questioner: Changes forms.
Acharya Prashant: And transformation is no real change. Transformation is not Sublimation. Which means any action happening from the ego cannot be a powerful action. Real power belongs to the one who dissolves the ego. Some have called him the truth. Others have called him the lover. The beloved. Some prefer to just say silence. The old fashioned ones say God. He is the one who brings about real change. What is the real change? The sublimation, the very dissolution of the one who kept hankering after cosmetic change. Then you become immune to cosmetic change and therefore, cosmetic power. Then the world cannot hurt you or scare you. Are you getting it? Now you know that whatever the world is trying to do anyway doesn’t mean much because the world cannot change anything. Here only the shapes and appearances keep melting and merging into each other like waves in an ocean. Waves keep rising and falling. Does anything really change? The ocean remains as it is. And the waves are doing all that they can. Millions of waves. Forming. Falling. Merging. Does anything new ever happen there? Real change always leads you into the new. If nothing absolutely new is descending, then rest assured no real change is happening. That is why those who have known have told that change is a delusion.
Man keeps running after change. And he has been doing so since he has been a man. So has anything changed? Yes, the names of the particular persons involved in the running have changed. Two hundred years back, it was A. Two thousand years back it was M. Two lakh years back it was.... Those names have been changing. But the thirst for change has not changed. Be with the one who has real power. Be with the one who brings about a total rejuvenation of your being. Be with the one who gives you what can only be described as the rebirth. Then you will know what real power means. Be with the one whose company will enable you to stand intrepid in front of a loaded gun. What is real power? To point a loaded gun at someone? Or to stand fearlessly in front of the loaded gun. Tell me. What is the real power?
Questioner: Stand fearlessly
Acharya Prashant: Now that, you cannot do it all by yourself. The ego is so afraid. In front of the loaded gun, if you stand alone, you will shiver. So you require company. That company is called aloneness. Oh! So bad. We thought aloneness meant only me. No! Aloneness means you are with only Him. That is aloneness. (Laughs).
Now the bully will have to face a surprise. The gun is loaded. And he has fired a shot in the air. The smoking gun. Hot and smoking! And he is pointing the gun right at your forehead. But how are you standing? Okay. How cool! Nice gun, man! Quite nice! And he is saying I will blast those brains out of you. .... Too bad for the brains. Too bad for the brains. Not at all bad for me. Before the brains I was with the beloved. And after the brains have been smashed out of my skull from the bullet, I would still be with my beloved. Yes, of course, your bullet has power. But your bullet has power only over the brain. Not over me. You see I am with the handsome one. And he won’t let any harm come to me. If you think 6’6” is quite tall, then raise your head and look at the sky. That’s how tall my new date is. (Laughs)
So it has all boiled down to this. You need to flirt along a little. And find somebody exquisitely majestic for yourself. A cowherd by the name Krishna. Or if you have simpler tastes, then a young man with no riches and no possessions. A deformed body called Ashtavakra. Set a date and be with them. Like they have in the movies, you know? You are with your darling. And the bad one comes. And what is he trying to do?.... He is trying to point a gun at you. But then your savior is..... He gets up. Rather pounces. And with one full blow of the fist, the bully has disappeared forever. Without that cowherd, you will be at the mercy of the world. We all need his company. So be alone with him. That’s the meaning of aloneness. Be alone with him. Nice, cozy and romantic. That’s what aloneness is. And then there will be no need to be angry. Then the poor mangoes and the rice can be spared. You are on your fantastic date. And the rice is half cooked. Will you spoil the date by fuming over the rice? Would you? Who cares about the rice? Even if the rice is bad, you will say “ fantastic rice”. Who wants to spoil the mood of the two of you? If the world dominates you and makes you angry, it means you are not with God. Full stop. Nothing else.
This happened just a few hours ago. Before I came to speak to you, I was watching these langurs. And there was this baby langur. Just this big.And her tail was this big. And then there was the bigger langur. Maybe the mama langur. And the baby langur went some distance away from the mama langur. And they both were atop a wall. And a dog barked at the little langur. And what did it do? It quickly went to that mama langur. And holding the mama, langur looked at the dog and roared.....Now what can the dog do? See, prakriti is offering you all the hints. You are the baby langur. Both small and langur. And the dogs are barking. The moment they find the baby langur, they try to have fun. Bark. Bark. Bark.
The solution is simple. Return to the mama. Read the Upanishads. Read the Bhagavad Gita. Go to Kabir Sahab. Be with Patanjali. And when you are with them, who can harass you? You will not feel like wasting your energy in anger. You will say if I still have spare energy, why not read a little? Why not dance a little? Why not just sit under the sky and look at the stars? Why should I waste a couple of hours just barking like the dog that barked at me? You will have no spare time. You'll have no space in the mind to give to undeserving people. How will you then get angry or hurt? But for that you'll have to give yourself fully to the mama. When you have given yourself fully, how much of yourself do you have left? Nothing. So how will you have space left for the rascals? They will come and the first thing they will demand from you is space. They will say give some space. And you will say all my time and all my space belong to the one. I have no space. I have no time. Then how will I give my time to you? When you can’t give your space and time to them, then they can’t use your space and time to offend you. Neglect it. This is also called indifference. I am so much in the service of the real one, that I have no space left for the petty ones. This is called indifference. To be indifferent to the little one, you have to parallely be in the service of the great one. Otherwise indifference is not possible.
Isn’t it common sense? To fight an ox, you need an elephant. To fight a big one, you need the biggest one. What can the ox do to you if you are sitting on the elephant? But of you are all by yourself in front of the bull or the ox, then? Keep getting angry. Are you just nodding? Or Appreciating.......
Questioner: I try to say I got it......
Acharya Prashant: Got it? Sure?Let me see how angry you get tonight? Who is staying with you? Please sanitize the room. No rods. Or firearms. Pointed metallic objects should be there. ....... Anger is a characteristic of the weak one. Remember this. If you are not weak, then you have no dependence on anyone. Anger is just frustrated energy. Energy that just didn’t dare to go onto the right channel. Energy that didn’t dare to flow into the right channel. Then erupts as anger. Be strong. How? By being with the strong one. There is no other way.
