The true Lover wants you free; the false lover wants you dependent || Acharya Prashant (2016)

Question: Sir, if someone wants to do something we don’t agree with, you say let just people do whatever they want. If we don’t agree with what is happening you have to think a lot or just let happen.

AP: No. Before asking what if we do not agree and whether to do and what to do about other’s actions. Is it not firstly important to see what in you agrees or disagrees?

Who is the one agreeing or disagreeing?

You might be the one operating from a centre of fear. So whenever you will see a fearless one you will disagree with his actions. Now, is it important to investigate what he is doing or is it more important to firstly see from where is my own disagreement arising? From which centre is my disagreement arising? Similarly, if you believe in a certain ideology and you find somebody else following that ideology. You will quickly agree. Now, is this agreement important or is it more important to see that I am agreeing only because he is doing the same thing as I do, believing in the same stuff as I do?

So the question firstly must be about ourselves not about others. From where is my agreement coming? From where is my disagreement coming? Do I understand or do I just agree and disagree? Because it is very easy to agree or disagree, understanding is something special.

We agree and disagree without understanding, often. It is like somebody is sitting here who knows no English, only French. And she says I greatly disagree — of course, all of this in French — I greatly disagree with what speaker is saying. That is how we lead our life. We do not know what is going on, but we are like, “I rise in rebellion!”, against what? What are you agreeing with? What are you unhappy with?

Listener 1 : So next time when we agree or disagree with someone we must think from where the feeling of agreement or disagreement is coming within us.

AP: And hints are always there. Experience is the best hint. You disagree with someone and you feel as if your heart is burning. Does that happen? In the middle of an argument, the other fellow is saying something and even as he is saying something you feel a strong urge to cut him, interfere, and impose your views. It is a direct proof that your disagreement is arising from your ego and there are other occasions when you disagree because you love, when you disagree because you are fearless then you will not be agitated. Then you will firmly disagree without being excited. So your experience itself is the biggest indicator of what is happening. Be honest towards your experience, that’s all.

You are saying something and your ears go red, does that happen? Ears go red and the eyes start burning in the middle of your monologue, your haranguing someone. You know what it means to harangue? To torture someone using words. Just using the tongue as an inter-continental missile that would pierce the heart of the listener. Don’t you know what is going on? Your whole stomach is going bad, your cheeks are flushing with blood, you are all red here. Are you not? You are experiencing all this. You are sweating. You are experiencing all this. You very well know that this cannot happen in Truth. This cannot happen in Love. This happens only when the ego is hurt. So even if you are saying great things, right things, virtuous things but if you are saying them and experiencing a headache, it is a proof that your words are coming from the wrong centre.

L2: So, excitement always denotes the wrong centre.

AP: Obviously.

L3: We are in love with someone and we are so excited. Is it not a true Love?

AP: You see if it is your true love, how do ten others come to immediately know that you are in love? Is it not a matter of common observation that if you are in love, the whole world comes to know that you are in love? Please stay with me. Has it not happened that your friend is in love and you can say, ’Aaah! She is in love’ how do you able to say that? You are able to say that because you already know how somebody behaves when she is in love. So, you have an image of love. She too has an image of love and she is displaying all the signs that concur with that image and because these two images match, so now you say she is in love and she agrees.

And even the shopkeeper knows that you are in love and he knows what you do when you are in love. So he has all these items that correspond to love. Wine — please help me in this list, I am not too experienced — wine, chocolates, flowers, an Italian holiday and lot of things.

How does he know what you will do when you are in love?

Because you do only that which you are supposed to do when you are in love. How is it possible that the entire world wants to gift chocolates in love? Why does nobody gifts bananas? No, it is a genuine question. I want to ask you: why don’t you gift your lover a banana? Why must it be chocolates that too dark chocolates? Why don’t you gift your lover a cauliflower? Why must be there roses? Think of it!

Think of it: How does it happen that every man and every woman knows that red roses must be gifted in love? It is because we do not know love, we only know images of love and those images have been talked to us by the movies, by our parents, by what we have seen around us. The moment you see red roses what comes to your mind is love.

Now were you born with this knowledge? No, somebody taught it to you that red roses mean Love. How do you know that holding hands is a sign of love? But if you are in love you must hold hands. I am not saying that you must not hold hands but how do you know that lovers must hold hands? How do you know really? Because that’s what they do in movies, that’s what they do in the serials.

In India, I have never seen lovers kiss publicly. In France that is going on everywhere. How do they know it can be done? How do they know it here? How do they know it in India? The fact is none of them knows. All have been told that they must live in a certain way. People in India have been told that if you do this it is not good. Here people have been told that if you do this it is good. We do not know Love. We only know what to do is in love. So we do all that which is supposed to be done in Love and we convince ourselves that this is Love.

But then, the image of Love cannot provide Love. Image of food cannot provide food. Image of your beloved cannot be slept with. So that’s what we get. Just the image of the food, a video of water, a very vivid video, lively video, every single drop being captured in high definition but will that satisfy your thirst? Will that?

Even the brightest idea that you have of Love will still not be Love.

In fact, you will be deceived. Why?

Because the other fellow knows how to convince you that he loves you.

You very well know that if somebody loves you he must come to you and prostrate on one knee, he should beg you those things. He knows that if he does all those things you will think that this is love. So he will do all those things and you will be deceived. He knows that if he will bring red roses you will think that he loves you. He knows if he opens the gate of the car for you, you will think that he loves you. He knows that if he wishes you on all kinds of the days: mother’s day, father’s day, pigeon day, cat day, puppy day, you will think it is love and he will do that. He knows that if he smiles at your nonsense you will think it is Love. So, he will smile especially at your nonsense and you will think it is Love.

Whereas the real lover will never worry about these things. He will do what is right. He will take you towards Truth. The problem is you will think he does not Love you.

Real Love is so ordinary, so inconspicuous that it does not make its presence felt. You cannot detect it. So, the real lover always gets left behind. The fake one always dominates the scene. In fact, the real lover gets punished. You crucify a Christ. Yeah! He does not love!

Do you see?

True Love is silent; it will not shout.

Fake love knows all the tricks.

All the tricks are there in the books of love. Even teenagers know that!

So it is easy to do those things and trick the mind that is willing to be tricked.

There will be only one mark of the true lover: he helps quieten your mind. His commitment is towards the Truth and he takes you towards the Truth.

There is no other mark.

If you think you are in love just check what does the company of that person do to you. Does it excite you or does it make you peaceful? Does he make himself felt? Or does he empower you to be alone? Real lover will empower you. He will take you closer to your powerful Self. He will say that “You are complete even if I am not there — not that I want to be away — but even if I am not there you are still complete.” The fake lover will say, “You know what! Without me, your life is incomplete so you better remain attached to me.”

Do you see this?

The true lover will have a stake in your well-being. The false lover will have stake in your dependency, he will want that you should remain dependent emotionally, physically, financially, in some way or the other.

The true lover will want you to be totally free of everything including himself.

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