Stay Unperturbed by Others
Questioner: Pranaam Acharya Ji. Why do I get nervous in situations where I have to express myself or when I have to talk to people?
Acharya Prashant: What do you talk to people about?
Questioner: Public speaking.
Acharya Prashant: What do you speak about?
Questioner: Anything related to school work, I guess.
Acharya Prashant: Now say something on school work, to me.
Questioner: Project about, like what we’re reading in school, like books about non-fiction or fantasy.
Acharya Prashant: So, say something about that. What do you read in school?
Questioner: Right now, unhealthy fast-foods.
Acharya Prashant: Unhealthy fast-food, right? Tell me of a few unhealthy fast-foods?
Questioner: McDonald’s Big Mac.
Acharya Prashant: Ah! Tell me about that.
Questioner: Well, McDonald’s, any McDonald food.
Acharya Prashant: How does it look?
Questioner: Like a burger.
Acharya Prashant: Big and fat, big, fat and greasy.
Questioner: Yeah.
Acharya Prashant: Now how nervous are you when saying these things to me?
Questioner: A little
Acharya Prashant: Now let’s say, you have to say these same things to a mirror or to a wall. To a wall you have to talk about the Big Mac, with nobody else watching you. How nervous would you be?
Questioner: I wouldn’t be nervous.
Acharya Prashant: Why? You are talking about the same thing. You are talking about exactly the same thing and expressing the same content, why wouldn’t you be nervous if you were speaking to a wall or a mirror?
Questioner: Because no one is watching.
Acharya Prashant: So, the nervousness is not about speaking, nervousness is related to public in public speaking.
Questioner: Yes.
Acharya Prashant: Which means that you can get nervous in front of the public, even when you are not speaking because it actually has to do with the public rather than speaking, right?
Questioner: Yes.
Acharya Prashant: In certain conditions even if you are not speaking, you have the public watching you, even that can make you nervous because it’s got to do with the public rather than the speaking or anything else. Now, what is it about the public that makes you nervous?
Questioner: Maybe their comments.
Acharya Prashant: And why do their comments matter and mean so much?
Questioner: They tell me whether I am good or not.
Acharya Prashant: They tell you whether you are good or not. Right? How do you know that they know you right? Who is closer to you? Who knows you better, you or that other fellow?
Questioner: Me.
Acharya Prashant: So who is it who is in a better position to say whether you are good or not?
Questioner: Me.
Acharya Prashant: Then why do you trust the other person? Mama told you? You can tell me. Who told you to trust others more than yourself, even when it comes to your own life, your own being?
Questioner: No one.
Acharya Prashant: No one, but you have learnt it surely from somewhere, right? Wherever it has come from, it needs to be dropped, right?
Questioner: Right.
Acharya Prashant: There are certain matters in which others must not be allowed to have any say. When you go to a doctor, he is a subject matter expert, so he deserves to be listened to. When an electrician comes to your house, he too is a subject matter expert, he deserves to be listened to.
Listen to all these experts but there is one matter in which only you are the expert, which is your being. And the being itself is the expert about itself. You will probably understand it a few years down the line. The ones who have known this being, they have said that it is the all-knowing one and there is nothing except it, and it knows nothing else but itself. Too complicated for you, I know, but leave it.
Please understand that your reality is not something that anybody else can know. All the things that are little external to you, like your health, like your knowledge, in all these things others can be contributors or even assessors but when it comes to your deep, deep value, nobody else should ever be judging you.
Only you can be your own judge and be your own good judge, strict judge, right? Do not allow others to interfere in matters where they should not be coming. So, if somebody tells you, “Your speech today was not good enough.” All right! They can say that because they are commenting on your speech and speech is an external thing. But if somebody says, “You are not good enough.” Then, don’t listen to them because now they are not commenting on your speech, they are commenting on your being and being is not an external thing.
Probably a listener has the right to tell you whether or not your speech is good enough, we are talking of public speaking, right? Your listener holds the right to comment on the quality of your speech, but no listener holds the right to comment on the quality of your being.
Invite all feedback, learn from various sources, but even as you learn from everybody, never allow anybody to make you feel small or big. People are entitled to comment on your speech, on your looks, on your clothes, on your marks, because all these are things external to you. Let them tell you your marks are not good, all right, but if they tell you, “You are not good”, don’t listen to them.
They may tell you that a painting you made is not worthy enough and that is all right. They may tell you that a painting you made is not worthy enough and that is okay, but let them not tell you that you are not worthy enough. Will you be able to make this decision? Do not be so dependent on others to know who you are or to know how you are doing, right? And then you will not be nervous, when you are facing them, correct?
All nervousness is because of dependency. The more you are dependent on others for your own self-worth, the more you will be afraid of others, right? So don’t be dependent for your self-worth on others, you are good enough, you are already good enough. Your actions, your actions might sometimes not be up to the mark but that does not mean that you are not up to the mark. Right?
Actions can be improved, but the day you start taking the self as something that needs improvement, you will find that you have unnecessarily cultivated a lot of inferiority, there is no need for any of that, right?
So, next time they applaud your speech, do not take that applause very seriously. And the next time they criticize your speech, do not take that very seriously. Just accept the bare facts, if they say, “Oh! you are not loud enough.” “All right, I heard that, I was not loud enough.” Just take all criticism or appreciation as objective feedback, nothing more than that. Don’t be too serious about it, all right?
