Shades of Comparison: Unpacking Its Impact

Questioner: Hello sir, my name is Pradeep. I am a third year student from IITHyderabad. So, my question is — In spite of being told that we shouldn't compare ourselves with others, it's told, that everyone is different and they have their own journey, but still, we tend to compare. I have seen my friends, my other colleagues, so people tend to compare themselves with others even with the people who don't even know them personally. So, my question is, how to train our mind not to compare ourselves with others? Hope my question is clear?

Acharya Prashant (AP): Yeah, the question is clear. See, comparing yourself with others might be a secondary problem. Rather, the more fundamental thing is do you really know where you stand and what you must be? That comparison is primal. And if to facilitate that comparison you need to compare yourself with others, there is no harm in comparing yourself to others.

But before any comparison with an external entity, first of all there has to be an internal evaluation. Where do I stand? Where do I stand and am I happy with myself? So, it's a comparison of yourself versus yourself. Let's say, you are sick, and the others are almost dying, does that really satisfy you? Does that heal your sickness? Comparatively you are better, but does that help you? It won't, right?

So, comparisons might serve a purpose but they are rather peripheral. The first thing is to ask yourself — Am I healthy? How do I compare my current state to my potential state of health? That inner comparison must come first. And in the process of that inner comparison sometimes it helps to see a healthy person outside of you. That healthy person reminds you of what you can be, what your own potential is. To that extent comparing yourself with others is not such a big problem.

But first of all, ask yourself, “It doesn't matter where the others are, it doesn't matter what the world is doing, it doesn't matter how the world looks at me, it doesn't matter what kind of ranks I have in a comparative sense, am I all right with myself?” Because much before you live with anybody else, you have to live with yourself, no? You are the person you spend all your time with, don't you?

Questioner: Yeah, it is correct, but one more thing, how do we know that we are at the correct place? So, if I'm at IIT, talking about professionally, how do I know if I'm getting a company and I am happy with that but is it the thing, where should I stop or where should I go more? And also, one more thing if I look at someone at the same age, same college, same thing, but he's doing something more than me in terms of money he is earning more than me or he is physically more fit than me. So that somewhere makes me low confident or maybe question myself, am I doing wrong or right?

Acharya Prashant: See, If you're not thirsty and you find someone gulping down an entire jug of water, does that encourage you to have a glass for yourself?

Questioner: No.

Acharya Prashant: But then thirst is something more easily perceivable, no? If you are thirsty you know you are thirsty. The problem with inner thirst, mental thirst, is that you have to be sensitive enough to experience it. We all remain internally thirsty but do not even know of that, and that's the reason we keep consuming miscellaneous stuff when all we want is water.

Metaphors apart, please understand what I'm trying to say “the other fellow is earning more money, don't you want to ask yourself how much importance does money hold for you?” Let's say, you got a lot of money, what will you do with it? Yes. you will win the comparison, right? The fellow was getting X and you got 1.2X, you won the comparison. Now what? What will you do with all that cash or whatever or stocks? What will you do with it? Has that really given you contentment in the past? And that requires that you spend time with yourself.

You have to ask yourself what is it that my inner self is really thirsty for? Your thirst will not be quenched by looking at all kinds of foods the others are consuming. In fact if you're thirsty, and the other one is biting into cheesy pizza, and you too pick up a piece for yourself, that would only aggravate your thirst. So, comparisons can actually be very harmful, counterproductive. I repeat, you have to live with yourself don't you want to ask yourself what do you want to do with your own life? And are ‘things’ in life more precious than life itself?

Everything that you have in life, is an object in the space of life. So, it's smaller than life itself, right? And you are living with yourself. Our education actually does not teach us to look into ourselves, which is extremely important. I call it the education of the self or life education.

Your inner demand can never be the same, as that of the one ahead of you, or the one behind you, to the left of you, right of you, in that sense you are a unique individual. A unique individual with unique needs. Those needs are crying to be met. But you cannot meet your needs if you don't even know what you need. And our education does not teach us that. There is neither an emphasis on knowing what we need, nor some kind of exposure to the methods through which one can know himself. Getting it?

So, my advice would be, spend time with yourself. You are in your third year of B.Tech studies, and because you are going to approach your placements, you are with this question. So, this is the time to isolate yourself a little from your environment. Because if you remain with that environment that will carry you with itself. You'll have no individuality. You would just be flowing with the stream. Not even flowing you are being carried away like a dead object. That's what happens with almost everybody on campus.

Nobody really knows why he is appearing for a particular interview or applying to a particular company. You do it because everybody else does and that's no way to live life. Rather, that's a very miserable way to live life. So, this is the time, because once you get into a job, the job itself is like a heavy stream, the job takes you into a certain industry, and then that becomes your career, and then you find that because of one period of unconsciousness in the campus, even twenty years later, you are in the same industry doing the same kind of things, and all these things are so very random, coincidental and yet they become our destiny. That's quite a helpless thing to say. We should not let that happen.

So, this is the opportunity. Before that thing becomes your random destiny, isolate yourself, be with yourself. Don't get into the discussions among peers too much because probably they all will be talking about the same thing and in the same language.

Ask yourself what kind of life must I really have? And what would help in this process? It’s that if you expose yourself to stuff that does not come from the IIT environment? Read the biographies or the autobiographies of the great people of the world. See how they made their decisions. You'll be exposed to other dimensions, you'll realize these placements and such things are not really as big as they appear in the campus environment. And this is the time actually to be very well read.

I understand you cannot read a hundred books in the coming three months. How soon are you sitting for your placements?

Questioner: Mostly within 12-14 months.

Acharya Prashant: So, you have time, thankfully you have time. Read a lot, read a lot and you now have YouTube, so watch a lot of interviews from people who really have lived remarkable lives, and pay special attention to how they were in their youth. How they made decisions as students and as young professionals.

Do not just keep listening to the batchmates and the hostel mates and all the gossip in the mess. That's an echo chamber, there is nothing new in it, that takes you nowhere, everyone is saying the same thing endlessly, the same concerns, the same worries, the same tensions, the same hopes, the same names, the same companies, the same faces. That does not tell you of anything new or fresh, there is no improvement by remaining in those circles. You already have probably had enough of them.

So, get into something fresh, you have a year, make the most of it. Read, read, read as much as you can, and from there a new kind of insight emerges. Also talk to people, talk to people who are not usually accessible within the campus. See how you can approach them. Have more discussions like the one you are having right now.

And then in a very unpredictable way and in an unfathomable direction something new opens up. You cannot plan it out in advance, it is not something you can see or forecast as you sit here right now.

All you can do is, you can give yourself the environment in which insight and clarity emerge on their own. That environment is everything. So, you have had enough of gossiping and frolicking, maybe it's the time to confine yourself a little, give yourself a bit of isolation.

I'm not saying that you need to totally quarantine yourself from everybody else. What I'm saying is, “you need to give ample time to yourself.” Obviously because you would be in your classes, probably in the hostel also, if you're a hosteller. So, you would be interacting with the general environment and that's okay.

But give many, many, hours to yourself, and to the great people of the world. Great people from all walks of life, from sports, politics, science, technology everything, even religion, spirituality, see how they were in their youth. Read their autobiographies, that really helps. Read the letters that they wrote, read their conversations. And if you can get a few recordings, nothing like that. Though when it comes to you know, the ones who are not exactly recent, recordings are impossible to get, but still.

Don't let the drift carry you away. That's my very strong advice. I have seen batches after batches just get into the same kind of careers, and same kinds of life, and just totally losing it. Your life is the one opportunity that you have. There's nothing before it or after it. It's not to be squandered away.

Cracking the JEE is one thing, and making good decisions for yourself after that is a totally different thing. It is quite possible that you enter the campus as JEE-1, and still make terrible decisions for yourself. In fact, it is not only possible, it is most probable. So be careful.

Questioner: Thanks a lot sir for answering.

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