Self-Respect Is Giving Yourself the Highest
Questioner: So Acharya Ji, I'm a PhD student here in the US and you have taken my questions before also. From inside we are sorrowful, and because of that sorrow we always try to seek experiences for happiness. The more sorrow we have inside, the more intensity we chase happiness. And the way we realize sadness is the state, not the center.
But while I was looking towards myself, I could see that throughout my life I have chased experiences so that the sadness can be overcome through these experiences towards my life. If I experience sadness, I pursue or go towards consumption of products which are not even needed, or events, or products to make me feel happy.
So the question which comes to my mind is: even if I'm listening to the Gita for some time or some wisdom literature from your end, why does this thing keep on returning again and again? Why, in the state of sadness, do I sometimes look outside to seek happiness in the outer world instead of realizing that joy is the main state, not the sadness? We have to go towards the state of joy and not emphasize sadness.
Acharya Prashant: That's the human condition. I mean, your vehicle gets a dent and some scratches and things. And you go to the authorized agency, they say, "This thing needs to be totally replaced." Let's say a panel piece or a bumper, but the whole replacement will cost you rupees one lakh. And then you go to some shady vendor, a random denting-painting saloon, and they say, "I can do the job, a cheap kind of fix, only for Rs. 15,000." You go for the cheap fix, don't you? That's what.
The real thing is expensive.
The real thing is expensive, and we want to save money for all the unreal things.
The real thing is not expensive if you have love for reality. But we have love for all the petty stuff, so we want to steal resources from the real thing so that they can be spent on all the nonsense.
When you say, "I don't have the budget for such a thing," it's the budget that you don't have, not the money. You have the money, but not the budget. Why? Because your budget is dedicated to some nonsense. I'm talking of the inner budget, not the thing in the pocket. The inner resources, the inner dedication, the mind space, if you may. That is reserved for some nonsense, so that cannot be given to the real thing.
If you are in a melancholy state and happiness can be cheaply obtained by just watching a TV show or having a samosa or something, there is all the temptation to go for this option. One says, "Fine, what's bothering me is the state, not the center. So if I can somehow fix my state, I'm done." And the state can be fixed using some cheap means. We opt for that. After a while, we discover that nothing has been fixed. The state was an imposter. The state was just a false front. The real problem is deeper, and the real problem has not been addressed at all. Are you getting it?
You must have self-love, which is equivalent to having love for the highest. You cannot have self-love or self-respect if you do not have love and respect for the highest.
If you say you're a self-respecting person but you do not respect the highest, then you're not respecting yourself. You're just respecting some little and lowly part of yourself, which is not self-respect at all then. Right? It's like saying, "I respect the rubbish of my palm because this is the self." Is this the self?
When you have real self-respect, then you give yourself the highest, don't you? You won't give yourself some cheap thing. "I'm depressed for existential reasons, so I go for bhelpuri." What kind of solution is this? "I am being pushed to marry, so I decided to take a bath. It feels great to be under the shower. Problem solved. And after the bath, I feel sleepy, so I'll snore for three hours. Problem totally solved." What kind of solutions are these? Somebody was saying, "When depressed, brush your teeth. Special toothpaste with anti-depressants."
Love yourself enough to give yourself the highest. Don't settle for anything lower or lesser. But you can easily settle for anything. That's the issue with the human condition. You are entitled to make all the lowly decisions. Please don't do that.
Questioner: Acharya Ji, sometimes the resistance comes from within, like, "No, this is not right. What I have learned is not the same as what I'm experiencing." But that resistance is only for a while. Then, when there is so much sadness engrossed, sometimes once in a while I try to seek, like, "Okay, should I not consume this thing? I should go buy this thing." But over time, after listening to you, that has reduced a bit. I could see this within myself.
But what is that point where I can see, "Okay, I do not need the outer things to satisfy or make me happy?" So, how could I judge or analyze when that state would come, or whether I am progressing towards that state? So there is some kind of juggle within me.
Acharya Prashant: Please understand, all things are outer. It's not that one does not need outer things. All things are outer. So, there is no harm in things as such. The harm lies in approaching things indiscreetly.
So you are not feeling all right. There is, per se, nothing wrong with approaching the world. That's fine, because the world is everywhere. Even that which you call "within" is the world.
This way or that way, you will have to go to the world, because the world is all that there is when it comes to sensual experience. The thing is — from which center are you approaching the world? You are not feeling all right. You can go to a bar, you can go to the gym, or you can go to the Gita. All kinds of options are available, and all of these three are outside. All these three are outside. Everything is outside.
But in the domain of the external, the right choices have to be made from the right center. It's all right to go to a person if you are feeling down. Which person? It's all right to go to an object. Which object? It's all right to go to a place. Which place?
It's not that if you are spiritual then you will always turn within. There's nothing called within. What do you mean by turning within? All these are empty metaphors. It's all right to go somewhere. But where? That's the question. And that's the entire point of discretion and right company — vivek and satsangati.
Pay the price for being with the right people, right books, being at the right places. All that requires a price to be paid.
When you are with them, then they'll be available when the time comes. Then you can go to them. Have a great collection of songs or lectures or something. When you need that, it's handy. You just need to switch the thing on. It's available. But for that to happen, in your sane hours you need to first make the collection. You need to pay the price. Are you getting it?
Questioner: Yes.
Acharya Prashant: It has to be an entire life dedicated to highness. "I'll make my life a collection of everything worthwhile possible to me. Have I subscribed to the right publications? Do I have the right books in my personal library?” In the virtual age, now the AI age, not only is stuff available all the time, even advice is available. You can ask language models questions and they can give you reasonably good advice. But for that you need to have the right practice, the right investments, the subscriptions, even the habit. It has to be a way of life, right?
Questioner: Acharya Ji, can I ask or share my experience if you allow me? I joined the Gita community in February. Since then, as you mentioned, life is a constant struggle, like Arjun only received Gita when he was in a battlefield. So I constantly see that life is a battlefield for me and my husband. We try to live the way you try to say in your videos or in the Gita sessions.
First of all, as you say, from which center you are coming and what things you are listening to, matters. I can see just a reflection. I have started going to the gym instead of going to restaurants or other places. Once in a while, we definitely do go to those places. But then, what to hear, what to listen to? Earlier, I used to listen to YouTube and all the random stuff, the podcasts and such. But now these days I have a playlist from the Gita community and whatever I have not listened to before, because I was not there earlier, my choices I can see are changing. Whenever I come back home and want to watch TV, it is like you, your podcast or some good stuff.
Isn't that the change which is coming? Or is it like I am saying this because I want my ego to feel like, "Okay, yeah, I am listening to Acharya Ji?"
Acharya Prashant: If you are in a company of worthy arts, worthy people, worthy books, you can go wrong, they won't go wrong. One can be a fool, but they are foolproof. Right? So I can be foolish in my moments. We all have those moments. But if I have the right things with me, they will assure that my foolishness is addressed. It's almost like being in the company of a good person. You can have your whims and fits, but that fellow will be a stabilizing influence, a centering influence.
So you cannot go wrong with the right books, right audios, right people, right places. You cannot go wrong. However, you can resist them no end. They will be available and they will do the utmost they can to help, because that's their fundamental nature, swabhav. That's the reason they exist. So they will do what they can do, but you can resist. That's what you should avoid. They won't go wrong, but you can offer a lot of resistance. So that's what you have to guard against.
But for sure, having the right collection around you, being in a sacred vicinity, is something you are never going to regret.
Questioner: Yes.
Acharya Prashant: Anything more?
Questioner: No, thank you so much.
