Girl, keep Career Ahead of Emotions
Questioner: Hello, Acharya Ji. My name is Gauri. I'm doing M.Tech from NIT Silchar. So, my question to you is: how can I keep my career ahead of my emotions? Like, I'm a very emotional person. I get disturbed with little things — which means whenever I'm having an argument with my loved ones, I just get disturbed, and I keep on thinking about those things only. I can't study, and it hampers my study a lot. So, how can I keep my career ahead of all these feelings?
Acharya Prashant: It's not that we have loved ones — we love to be disturbed. Would our loved ones mean anything to us if they don't disturb us and we don't disturb them? Think of this: if our loved ones stop disturbing us, the relationship would probably disappear. Is the relationship itself not founded on the premise of giving each other the right to invade the personal space of the other?
If you want, for example, the other's time, and the other is saying, "You know, right now I'm occupied with something important," maybe you will exempt him or her a couple of times. But after that, you will enjoy disturbing — otherwise, you'll feel you mean nothing to that person. Similarly, the other person wants to have the right to freely move about and litter in your inner space. That is what you call disturbance.
Emotions — we are born with. And especially being a woman, in the biological scheme of things, emotions are powerful. The thing is: what do these emotions want to do to you? Where are these emotions coming from?
This same body that is the source of all emotions — what does it really want? Is your nose really very interested in having a career? The emotion is coming from the nose. The emotion is coming from the eyes, the ears, the skin — all parts of the body. And I'm not even naming the brain right now. The entire body gives rise to emotions.
What does the body want? You have a woman's body. What does it want? And we share our bodies with animals, what do bodies want? Do the bodies want the woman to have a career? Do the bodies want the woman to have knowledge and wisdom? Is your nose annoyed if you do not study? Do your eyebrows feel offended if you do not clear an exam?
Nothing happens.
The skin continues to glow even if you are an extremely ignorant person — in fact, it has been seen that the skin of ignorant persons glows much more brightly than those who are a little less ignorant — does the skin care for knowledge, career, consciousness?
Questioner: No.
Acharya Prashant: Now, the relationships — are our relationships coming from wisdom and consciousness, or are the relationships themselves coming from the body? Don't be in a hurry to answer. I just want you to consider it.
So, the body manifests itself in relationships. How do we choose friends? We choose the kind of friends that support our mental patterns. We choose friends whose company allows a rush of dopamine to the brain. So, you are not choosing friends — it's the body, the brain that is choosing friends.
How do we choose partners? We choose partners based on their intellectual depth and spiritual wisdom. We may claim so. It sounds honorable. But the fact is that the body has its own ways. And the first proof is that a woman likes to choose a man and a man likes to choose a woman. If we were looking only for intellect and depth, why would gender be a concern? But gender is the first thing.
So, the relationship itself is founded on the body. Now see where we are coming. The relationship is the body — and what you want is wisdom and consciousness. Now, why will these two go together? Why will your relationships be conducive to your career or to your real growth?
You have an exam tomorrow. You know that you have an exam tomorrow. Does the body still not want to fall asleep? Have you not experienced this — that even if you know that something very important is to be done, yet the body starts acting lazy and sleepy? Have you not experienced this?
Questioner: Yeah, I have experienced this.
Acharya Prashant: Right? So, the body has no respect for the real things in life. The body has respect only for its biological construction. And the body is biologically constructed just to have fun of all kinds in life — eat, sleep, be merry, repeat. You could say: food, sex, sleep, repeat. That's all that is there to this body.
If our relationships are coming from the body, then know very well that your relationships will not be aligned with your intellectual pursuits, including your career choices.
Do you feel I'm beating around the bush? Probably I am. Or am I coming to a point?
Questioner: No, you're coming to a point.
Acharya Prashant: All right. All this disturbance that you experience — heavy emotionality, quick to cry — all these things happen, and they happen a little more with women. They are just the conspiracies of this body against your real purpose in life. So, be very, very watchful.
You are not born just to be a servant to your body. And emotions are just bodily. Do not give too much respect to your emotions. Wisdom and discretion is one thing, and emotionality is a totally different thing.
If you start living your life founded on emotions, you won't go very far. You would go only in the direction of your bodily constitution. That's where your biological life wants to take you. And the places where your biological life intends to take you are not very glorious or dignified places. Do not let those things happen to you.
Emotions will continue, because your body will continue. So, what can you do?
Do not patronize your emotions. Do not energize your emotions. When emotions rise, do not say, "These are my emotions." Say, "These are the body's emotions."
Fight against these emotions. Whenever these emotional disturbances arise, do not say, "Oh, what can I do? This has happened, that has happened, now I'm feeling disturbed. Somebody has come and disturbed me.” Say, I know where the disturbance is coming from, and I do not want to side with it. Let the disturbance be there. I'll still continue to do what is right. Are you getting it?
Questioner: Ignoring our emotions — it's a very difficult thing.
Acharya Prashant: Yes, it is difficult. But it's worth it. Because if you do not ignore them, they will be all over you. And always remember: the emotions are not yours. The emotions belong to the body. And the body is not a very glorious thing. You are a conscious human being.
Your purpose in life is to gain heights of consciousness, of wisdom, of freedom. And the body wants no wisdom, no freedom.
And I’m saying, especially in the case of the woman, the body can militate very strongly against the purposes of consciousness. So you have to be even more alert and if you can be alert, the results are worth it.
Questioner: Does this happen with women only?
Acharya Prashant: No, no, it happens with everybody. But the thing is that — you look at our societal structure. You look at the way everything is designed to affect a girl child in a way that makes her more body-centric. And you look at how Prakriti —physical nature — has chosen the woman as her preferred equipment for her continuation.
When you look at the reproductive cycle, it affects the woman far more deeply and for a much longer duration than it affects the man. So in that sense, the woman has to be more cautious. Both the man and the woman are offsprings of Prakriti. Therefore, they both are vulnerable to the chains of Prakriti. But the woman has some additional forces acting against her, right? And therefore, she has to be extra cautious.
But that also means that her victory tastes sweeter. That also means that when she succeeds, the success means even more. And it's not very important to ask: who is at a greater risk? The more relevant question to ask is: would you be all right if you do not achieve your real nature?
Maybe the odds are a little more against you. But the inner urge to be liberated is the same in all human beings, irrespective of their gender. So, will you be at peace if you remain a hostage to your body? Tell me.
So that’s the question to ask. Do not ask: how easy or difficult is it for me compared to a man? Because the thing is not relative. The thing is not comparative. Maybe it’s a bit more difficult for a woman. So what?
It’s worth it.
Questioner: Yeah.
Acharya Prashant: If it’s worth it, then we will fight it out. See, you are thirsty. The other one too is thirsty. Would you look at the other's thirst and say, “Well, you know, he’s more thirsty than me, so I feel satisfied?” Will that help you?
Questioner: No.
Acharya Prashant: You have to quench your own thirst. You have to fight your own battles. And the battles deserve to be fought — and are possible to be won. That’s what matters.
