How to know what is good for me? || Acharya Prashant (2014)

Acharya Prashant

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How to know what is good for me? || Acharya Prashant (2014)

Question: Is it necessary that I need be good in something that I like doing? Sometimes it may happen that I like something, but I can’t be good at it. So, what is best for me?

Speaker: There are two things you are talking of. One- liking something. Second- being good at it.

These are the two things on which your question rests. Right? “I like something”, that is the first one query. “Whether I am good at it”, that is the second. Right? Examine both of these.

What do you like? What does one like? See you are giving importance to both of these. Right? You are taking as ‘important’, something that you like. Right? “I like something and hence it is important for me.” This is the first important thing. Second important thing is- being good at what I like. “It is not sufficient to just like what I like. I must also excel in it. I should prove my performance. I should be able to act on what I like.” Right? It should be considered good, as per the standards of performance, considered acceptable by others and by me.

Listener 1: Especially by me.

Speaker: By me. Alright! So, these are two things. One- what I like is important for me. Second- doing what I like, to a particular performance level, is important for me.

Now what do we ‘like’? What do we like?

Listener 1: We like the end result.

Speaker: Yes, that is right. But, result of what? What kind of endeavor do we like? What do we like?

Listener 1: Anything that pleases us.

Speaker: You were cooking some Chinese food yesterday and when your friend took a blade of spring onion to the rabbits playing around, what happened?

Listener 2: They didn’t like eating the spring onions.

Speaker: They didn’t like it. Now those rabbits are so small. They are not even two months old. Why didn’t they like eating that spring onion? Is it because of some cultural influence, some religious taboo, any particular time of the day? Were they fasting? Was it because of the taste? Did they even taste? They didn’t even taste. So, why didn’t the rabbits like the spring onion? We are exploring the question of ‘like’. What does one like? Why didn’t the rabbit like the spring onion?

Listener 3: Because they are not supposed to eat them, it is not a part of their diet.

Speaker: Why are the rabbits not supposed to eat the spring onion?

Listener 4: It is because of their physical conditioning .

Speaker: The physical conditioning. Stop here! And those rabbits are very fond of carrots. Now why do they like carrots?

Listeners: Physical conditioning!

Speaker: Physical conditioning. Stop again! Alright!

(Addressing an audience of Indians) A Cricket match is about to start between India and Australia. Whom would you like to win?

Listeners: India.

Speaker: And whom would an Australian like to win?

Listeners: Australian.

Speaker: Why?

Listener 2: Social conditioning.

Speaker: Which conditioning? Social conditioning. Is there anything that you like that does not come from either physical conditioning or social conditioning? By giving respect to your likes and dislikes, what are you actually giving respect to?

Listeners: Conditioning.

Speakers: Conditioning! So what do you like?

Listeners: Conditioning!

Speaker: Explore! That is one thing to which we want to give all our energy and time. What? Pursuing our likes! Is that not so? Is that not so? We can even die for the pursuit of our likes. “I like it. I like it!” And we consider it our birthright. Right? “Pursuing my interests, pursuing my inclinations, pursuing my likes is my birthright.” And if we are not allowed to do that, or if somebody obstructs, or if the situations are not favorable, then we feel very bad about it. Don’t we?

What do we feel bad for, when we are not allowed to act in a conditioned way? We are the biggest supporters of our conditioning! When you are conditioned, you are told many things. ‘N’ things you are told, and then you are told an ‘N+1th’ thing also. What is that ‘N+1th’ thing? “Please maintain all the ‘N’ things. These are good for you! Do not try to break them! And if somebody tries to break them, resist him! Without this ‘N+1th’ commandment, the ‘N’ commandments would fall apart. The ‘N+1’ is what protects the ‘N’ commandments. Do you understand this?

When you are conditioned, you are told many things. All kinds of beliefs and thoughts are given to you. And then you are given one final thought. What is that final thought? That all these previous thoughts that have been given to you are sacred, very sacred. Don’t attack them!

It’s like this. I tell you many a things to do, and then I tell you one final thing. What is that? That if you don’t do all of these, then I’ll shoot you. So, I have told you nineteen things and then I have told a twentieth thing. That if you don’t do any of the above, then you will be shot. What sustains the nineteen commandments? The twentieth. And, this twentieth is the most dangerous! This twentieth is the most dangerous! The twentieth says, “Don’t challenge them!”

It is a part of our conditioning to be conditioned, to sustain our conditioning.

Are you getting this? It is a part of conditioning to be conditioned, to sustain the conditioning. Otherwise, conditioning won’t hold! Have you ever wondered why a conditioned man continues to be conditioned? Why does the conditioning sustain? Why does he hold the conditioning ? Why does the conditioning not dissolve with time? Everything dissolves with time. Why doesn’t the conditioning dissolve with time? Because it is in its nature to hold itself.

Do you want to take your likes seriously? Can you stand at some distance from your likes and just ask, “‘Am I really nothing without them? Where did they come from? Would I really be damaged if I am not attached to them? Would I be reduced if I don’t carry these likes and dislikes?” Can you ask this question? And should you not ask this question considering the overwhelming proportion of your limited time and your limited energy that you devote to just running towards your likes, and just running away from your dislikes?

That is the first part about likes. Second part is about the performance standards, that can I be good at what I like. For example, “It is not sufficient to just like cricket. I must also be good at cricket! Only then I can say that I have a fulfilling life.” First, I like cricket. And second, I play cricket so well that I can earn appreciation of others. Now, where are these standards coming from? Who is deciding what is good enough? Who is deciding what is talent? Who is deciding all this?

See, now what I am going to say would sound a little strange, but consider this. I toss a ball in the air and you are able to catch it five out of five times. What do you do? You catch the ball five out of five times, and you say, “I am talented.” To another man I throw the same ball five times and he is able to catch it only once. He cannot say that he is talented. Why can’t he say that this is his talent, to catch it only once out of five times? Who decided that ‘five out of five’ is the definition of talent? Are you getting it? Who decided that this is performance?

Listener 1: Someone who gets it five out of five times.

Speaker: Or someone who out of his conditioning likes the fact that ‘I am able to catch’. If there is somebody who likes the fact that I am not able to catch, for him talent lies elsewhere. See, if you are a cook, to me you are a talented cook only if you cook without spices and chili. To another one you are not talented at all if you cook without spices and chili.

Let me give another example. If you are able to hit a moving ball with a piece of wood, you will be called very talented in India. The same so-called talent will have very little weight-age in Germany or Argentina. They will say that what is so great about this. Here you will become an icon, a talented cricketer, if you are able to hit a moving ball with a piece of wood. Why? Because you are born in a society that values that sport. The German society may also value hitting a ball with a piece of wood, but then that is another way, another sport called ‘hockey’. So there the ball has to be hit in different ways.

So, who decides what is talent? When western classical music first came to India, the Indian musicians greatly resented it. They said, “What is this noise? What are these instruments?” In west you are being called the most talented musician, and in India that same music is being called ‘noise’. Who is setting the benchmark?

These are nothing but the random decisions of the conditioned human mind. How can you measure yourself according to them?Today you make airplanes out of paper and keep throwing them here and there. Right? And tomorrow the same activity catches the trend and this air-planing becomes an Olympics sport. Now you will be called, ‘a very talented sportsperson’. Today you are being called, ‘the scum-of-the-earth, the most useless man’. “What does he do? He makes paper planes and keeps throwing them all around.” Talent!

Remember that what is considered talent by one society, at one time, will not be considered as talent at another time. You watch all these reality shows and comedy shows that come on television. Today’s top comedians would be considered obnoxious just twenty to thirty years hence in the same country. In fact, they might be even jailed for what they are saying and doing. And even if they are not jailed, at least nobody is going to find anything amusing about their words. And today you say, “Oh! what a talented man.”

Little girls, three years old, six years old, they are dancing to these item numbers. And what do you say? “The girl is talented.” Now, who has decided that this is talent? But, then you say that what a talented girl. Who decided that this is talent? Now, there is another girl who cannot dance like that. She will feel inferior and guilty, that you know I am not good at anything. “I am not talented enough.” But, who decided at the first place, that this is talent? Tell me.

There is a person who speaks only rubbish, only rubbish. His specialty lies in the fact that he can speak rubbish without inhibition. The same stupid person is considered a great radio jockey, or a great comedian by you today. Who decided that speaking rubbish nonstop without inhibition is talent? Who decided it first of all?

Why should you feel that you too need to be talented? Think of these parents who take these four year or six year old kids to dancing classes. Think of these parents, observe the mind of that parent. He is taking the four year old kid to the dancing class, and there the kid is being made to dance to the tune of these movie songs. What is there in the mind of the parent? Get into the mind of the parent. What does he want? What is he thinking? What is his mind dominated by? Who told the parent that this is excellence ? Who told the parent that this is what is called as ‘excellence’ and this is what is called as ‘performance’?

And, now suppose the child cannot perform well in dancing, it may happen, not every child can dance well. Suppose the child is not able to perform, now what the child be left saying, “I am not able to perform. I am not good at it.” That was your question. Right? Being good at it. What would the child say? “I am not good at it, or I am not talented enough.”

But, first of all who decided that this is called ‘being good’? Are you getting it? Who decided that there is anything good about ‘being good’? How do you know that this ‘good’ is actually good? You are unnecessarily punishing yourself and pushing yourself into guilt. And surely it must be happening. Right? The little girl returns from the dance class and Mumma says, “Aunt has come, now show what you have learnt?” And the little girl can’t show anything. After all she is a kid. So, she forgets everything and fumbles and stutters. And the more she falters, the more Mumma feels ashamed of her. She can see it in Mumma’s eyes. “Mumma is ashamed of me. I can’t do my steps right.” And then feeling of shame gets absorbed by the girl. “I am not worthy enough, there is something wrong with me.”

And then the girl grows and goes to an engineering college. Nothing changes. She still wants to perform, she still wants to be good enough. Who told you that this is good? How do you know? From where are these definitions coming? Do you really think like that? Take that example, the mind is the same. I am taking that example because that is the most obvious and crude case. Do you really think there is anything good about performing on that song? Shaking your hips and shaking your torso, the way these women shake! But, they are called performers, and the entire world wants to dance like them. And if you can’t, then you say, “I like it but I can’t do it.” God has been graceful that you can’t do it.

“All of them are running so fast, I can’t run as fast as them.” Do you want to die? Are you your own enemy? They are running towards hell. Do you want to compete? And man, whenever he has run, he has always run towards hell. All running is always towards hell. You don’t have any other destination. If somebody is running, it is rest assured that he is running towards hell. But you want to compete. And if you can’t compete, then you say, “I am left behind.” But, see how all these things have become a part of our common wisdom.

So, your well-wishers and the so-called grown up people will come to you and say, “Son, first of all you must choose a field. And then you must excel in that field.” Now, somebody must ask them that from where will the choice of the field come. That is the first thing. Second- what do you mean by excellence? And if you ask these questions, they will say, “You talk too much! You are going beyond the mandate of our discussion.” Have you not heard it many times? “Son! It is your time to choose a field, and then excel in that field.” Now, first of all choosing is rubbish! And then the standards of excellence themselves are random.

There is another thing. A totally different dimension, Allowing things to happen. “I am not choosing, I am just allowing.” There is a fear of insecurity in this. One doesn’t like this. Allowing is something that we don’t like. We want to choose. Choosing gives us a feeling of power that, ‘I did it’. Allowing means, ‘It is alright’. “I will not choose the field, the field will choose me. I am what I am, the field will present itself. Being what I am, I will be found in the right place. Where else can I be found? Being what I am there is no possibility of me appearing anywhere else.” We just talked of flies. Right? Flies are not found in clean rooms. “Being what I am, I will be found where I should be. So, let me not worry at all about where I would be, or where I should be. I will only look at what I am, and then the events of my life will fold according to my being, not according to my desire or choice.” Do you understand this?

“Being what I am, I will be found where I must be. Where else can I be?” Nobody is a misfit! In existence everything is exactly where it must be. So you too are exactly where you must be. As long as you are you, you will be only where you are. So, don’t ever complain about your location or situation. You are only where you deserve to be. Your location, situation, happening and life are not separate from what you are. They are all a reflection of your mind.

“As is my mind , so is my life!”

So, why should I need to choose or decide? Can we just look at the mother of all happening? “My mind! From here everything arises. I will only look at it, and that’s it. Everything else will take care of itself on its own. I don’t need to worry. I don’t need to choose a field. I also don’t need to decide the standards of performance. I don’t need to adhere to any standards. After all, even if I decide that I need to pursue certain standards, ultimately I will have only that standard which corresponds to my being.”

Have you not heard somebody say that we all ultimately rise to our own standard of incompetence? We all ultimately rise to our own standards of incompetence. So, you may pretend to be this or that, but ultimately your performance will be what you are! Why chase this or that standard? Look at what you are, and your performance will correspond to that. But for that you will have to have courage to disregard a few things.

You need to disregard all those wise ones who come to you and say, “Fix a goal, then set your eyes upon that goal, and then forget everything except that goal!” Have you not heard all this? Just have a little mercy on these people, they are anyway suffering. We should not complain against idiots! If you can help them, then just help them. Otherwise, just ignore them! They are anyway suffering! Just don’t become a victim of their propaganda.

– Excerpts from a Clarity session. Edited for clarity.

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This article has been created by volunteers of the PrashantAdvait Foundation from transcriptions of sessions by Acharya Prashant
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