Fight Hard, Forget About Victory
Questioner: Namaste sir. So, there were two questions that came to me. First was that, when you talked about the fact that there are people who find an invincible position, though they are in a stupid position. So, I have come across such situations, but what should one do? What is the appropriate — is it that one should not even try to haggle along or fight along? Or, what is the way? What should one do in such situations?
Acharya Prashant: What do you do when somebody closes the door on — you, and it's a thick iron door? Do you fight the door or lovelessness?
Questioner: Lovelessness.
Acharya Prashant: Right? You cannot fight the door. The door is the solid, impenetrable argument that the person has. So, you would be very stupid if you fight the door and start arguing. You have to understand where the door is coming from, where the argument is coming from. That argument is coming from a perceived lack of love. Address that, and the door would be opened.
Otherwise, you can just keep beating at the door or trying to blast open the door, and you will not succeed. Even if you succeed, that would be a lot of violence and would be very meaningless. Arguments in general can convince someone only if, first of all, that person is prepared to be convinced. Are you getting it?
An argument could be in the form of a narration of your position — "This is what I think. This is what I feel. This is where I'm coming from." And that's the argument. Or an argument could be in the form of an offensive weapon — "I'm not exposing my position."
Questioner: I'm there to fight.
Acharya Prashant: I'm defending my position. I'm not here to expose my position and change it. I am here to fortify my position and fight to defend it. So, in general, arguing with someone who's not in front of you for change does not help. First of all, it's difficult to beat someone purely by way of argument.
Secondly, even if you defeat someone's argument, there is no way you have defeated his tendency or resolve. Just that the resolve will now get silent. Just that he will no more even — speak to you. All that is no good.
Argumentation helps only when there is right intent on both sides.
It was very beautifully put by Saint Kabir— like — “Jab tak prem nahi, kahe ka samvad,” and the second one was — “Bin prem ke matr vaad vivad.” This is obviously not exact. Someone can search and let me know.
Prem bina nahu bhes kuch,nahak ka samvaad Prem bhaav jab lag nahi, tab lag vaad vivaad
But that's what he meant. The prerequisite is love, and love is an openness. Love is a vulnerability. Without that, all you will have is dry and meaningless and violent argumentation that yields nothing. The one that you are talking to — is he even willing to listen? Instead of arguing, try to awaken his listening. And usually, that deficiency in listening is just a deficiency in love.
Questioner: The next question is more of a derivative. As you said, the desire — one desire that grips you — is basically possessed by the power of every desire that you can have, a thousand watt. So, I just wanted to ask that, in many cases — that I have found factually that the grip of desires has — lessened, so that means that the grip of the mind in general has lessened over the thing? Or is it that I am deriving it wrong?
As in, the power— the total power, the total sum of power — is if it is in one desire, and that desire seems to have less grip than before, so that means that the grip has loosened of the mind as a whole?
Acharya Prashant: You have to keep examining what's going on. Examination helps you know whether the grip has loosened, and examination also loosens the grip. So, there is nothing except examination. Keep observing.
