Fake Depression Is Worse Than Actual Depression

Questioner: Pranam Acharya ji. I am Ritu Tiwari. I am an alumnus of this college. My question is related to defamation of mental health problems. I’ll give you three examples – first comes from a recent murder case that happened in the capital of our country where a man named Aftab, killed his live-in partner and chopped her body into 35 pieces and spread them all over in the forest.

There were some people that I saw on Instagram. A few of them were psychologists and psychiatrists and they were supporting his deeds under the name that he was mentally ill, he did not do that deliberately, so that was one thing.

Then secondly, there are people I have met and they do not have a genuine problem, they are just lazy about the things that they have to do. They procrastinate a lot or maybe they just don’t want to do it but then they will color all of this with the paint of depression or some other names like ADHD, OCD and all other diseases disorders. And what they do is they search like I have fatigue, I have anxiety and what do I need to do about this and Google will give them a result that you have this-this disorder and they will make sure to tell it to everybody that I have this disorder though they do not want to come out of that situation.

And third scenario happens with people who have actually went through some trauma in their childhood or in their teenage and because of that they suffer from depression or some other disorders, mental disorders and they aren’t hurt. They are not given the treatment that should be given to them medically as well as on therapy and spiritual level.

I was one of them and through ads and other things I came in touch with you and Prashant Advait Foundation since 1.5 years, and I have seen what transition has been there. But then due to this defamation of tarnishing of the word ‘depression’ or ‘mental health’ or ‘mental illnesses’ by so many people at so many levels, like you are covering crime of a criminal, a heinous crime under the name that he was just mentally ill, which is not at even not at all justified. This I think shouldn’t be done. And my question to you is how can we just make a normal definition of mental health and mental illnesses and help can reach the people who actually need it and it is not misused? That’s all, thank you.

Acharya Prashant: Ritu, see it’s just not about mental disease. People have been exploiting all kinds of diseases since long, right? Because when you declare yourself as diseased, you become eligible for certain privileges.

If you are hale and hearty, you will be asked to do your quota of household work, right? Go to the market and fetch some goods and behave in the responsible way, a healthy individual must. But the moment you are declared sick, first of all you gain privileges that give comforts, secondly you are absolved of all responsibility. Oh, she is sick, how can she make tea? So, the younger brother has to now do your part of the work and, does that not happen even in normal households? So that’s good old ego for you.

It does not take its situation as something it should very quickly get rid of. It takes its diseased situation that it should make use of — not get rid of but make use of. “I have a headache. So, you know, I can’t speak, I am getting up and leaving. Guys you can have an off today.” And all the students are very happy.

Something goes bad it’s a matter of celebration, right? You remember when it used to be a rainy day in school times and kids used to pray, “let it rain, let it rain, let the entire school building collapse, full two months off” — that’s ego, it celebrates what should not be celebrated. It deprecates what deserves to be celebrated. you’re getting it?

So, someone can throw a lot of tantrums and say, “you know that’s because I have a certain mental illness.” You can abuse someone, you can hit someone, you can throw stuff around. You can do all kinds of unimaginable things and later on getaway saying, “I am?”

Audience: Sick.

Acharya Prashant: And as far as mental illness goes, it is not something that can be very accurately, absolutely, conclusively, proven in a pathology test. It is always an inference that your doctor draws. It is never a fact really. A blood report or any other report of the body cannot just prove that, there are borderline cases, there are gray areas and the ego loves to make use of these gray areas.

See, let me clarify, I’m not talking of people who are genuinely ill. Depression is not a hoax. There are people who are genuinely depressed and require medical care. There are people who suffer from other disorders — mental disorders. And it’s not as if they are just pretending; they are genuinely suffering. So, we are not talking of them here. Your question is about people who are either faking it or misusing their illness.

I’m saying, ‘It’s an age-old tendency of the ego, don’t do that.” The fundamental observance should be to not treat your weaknesses as your assets. And it’s a great temptation, to use your weakness as your asset. If your weakness becomes your asset, please tell me will you ever get rid of your weakness? And think of the various ways in which we try to use our weakness as our asset?

There is just one chair and the two of you are vying for it, who gets the chair? the one who claims that he has pain in the knee! Weakness becomes an asset. Don’t do that, don’t do that. If ever you are asked reasons for your non-performance or failure in any field, think of the answer you come up with? I did not perform or I failed because I was suffering from something, it could be a disease, it could be a situation, it could be some foreign party, some person, some thing, who’s trying to pull you down. “I could not clear the entrance exam because the examination center, it was not properly built and, it was the month of May 40 degree Centigrade, tin roof. I was sweating so much. The damn paper got all wet. Nobody could read my answers, ink was all over the place, the paper was wet. That’s the reason I couldn’t be selected otherwise I was all India rank one. No doubt.”

The frequency of those who come up, it’s my job to meet people everyday, and on an average if I average it over the month, I am probably meeting hundreds every day. The frequency of those who come up claiming they have a certain disorder or disability or great problem has simply kept on increasing over the years. In short, everyone likes to play a helpless victim. Who am I? “A helpless victim.”

Now what kind of character is this? Everybody is a victim and you know why you want to play a victim? Why do you want to act as a victim? Because when you are victim there is definitely a victimizer. And if you are a victim there would definitely be compensation. It is the greed of compensation that pushes us to play the victim.

Sometimes people do not say that they have been personally wronged by either an internal disorder or an external entity. They say, “we have been socially and historically wronged. We are victims of history, we have been wrong since 500 years or 5000 years. So please pay us compensation. You have been doing all kinds of wrong things to me.”

“But I have never even seen you or met you.”

“No, no it’s not you, your grandparents who did all kinds of filthy stuff.”

“No but my grandparents were simple people who lived in that village and they didn’t even know you!”

“No, no their grandparents. Finally, the thing is that you should pay compensation.”

The man wants to draw compensation from the woman, “I work all day, I work so hard. I am the breadwinner and I come home tired, so you ought to be the massage woman for me. The moment I land in the house the massage should begin.” A massage of all kinds. This one goes out to my friend with dark humor. Because nobody seems to be getting it. (laughter)

The woman says, “you know, I am exactly as educated as you are. In fact, I’m more educated, I’m a masters in something you are only a graduate. If you earn this much, I could have earned even more but you destroyed my career by making me pregnant. You forcefully impregnated me else I would have been the President of India today, for sure. All my friends are CEOs but because you destroyed my career therefore you must compensate. And how will you compensate? You keep all your salary here, keep your salary here. Further I’ll appoint three maids and a cook. I need compensation; my life, my career, have been destroyed by my husband. Had there been no husband, there would have been no kids. And if there were no kids, I would have had a flourishing career.”

Now the kids, they come up and say, “you know, these two are psychos and we are the real victims. We need compensation.”

“How?”

“The latest Apple.”

“Which one, i-14, 13?”

“i-14, the latest i-14. We deserve at least that much of compensation you know, for living with these two retards.”

It’s a matter of shame if you have to declare yourself a victim. I’ll tell you what all the great people have rather done. Even when they were hurt, they neither acknowledged nor declared that they are hurt. Forget about declaring to others, “I am hurt and help me.’”They would not acknowledge even to themselves that they are hurt. They would say, oh yes, we are wounded, we are wounded indeed. Come on, but not hurt, but not hurt. Because it is a sign of weakness to say that there is anything in the entire universe that can hurt me. Nothing can hurt me.

Vedanta teaches you — You are sons and daughters of immortality itself. How can you be so weak and so brittle, so fragile that just about anything comes and hurts you? How is it possible? “Amritasya Putra” you are. And you are so keen to declare, oh you know, he said two bad things to me and I am depressed.

“What did he say?”

He said, “you know, look at your height, you are just 5”10 not even six feet.” And 5”10 is something to be ashamed of so I’m hurt.”

All you have is 91% marks not even 98%, not even 98%. So, I’m feeling so anxious about what will happen to my future. I have only 91% so I’m hurt. Somebody entertained me.

The real individual is one who takes no pride in being hurt, who finds it a matter of shame to be hurt. He wants to win over his hurt or her hurt. He says, “if I admit that the other has succeeded in hurting me then the other has won. I have to develop myself into someone who is hurt proof. The body can be wounded, the mind will not receive, not admit even a bruise. Even if you kill me, I’ll still be composed. You cannot hurt me. You can kill me but you cannot hurt me. Victim! Forget about being a victim, I’ll always be the provider.”

Remember the story of Karna? He has been hit and people will say unfairly so, right? One of the wheels of his chariot was stuck in mud and he was trying to somehow pull it out. And Arjun fired the arrow and Karna is now hit and is fatally hit. He is about to die, last few breaths. He is lying in the battlefield and as one last test, one could say as one last joke, the gods decide to test him once again or make him laugh once again. So, they go to him, dressed as a mendicant with a begging bowl. And they say, “please can you give me something, some bhiksha, something?”

And then this Brahman who had come to ask for arms. He said, “oh I see, what can you give me? you are yourself lying on the ground here in your last moments, so you cannot give me anything.”

Karna says, “wait, wait, wait, I am still Karna. I’m lying on the ground, I never admitted defeat and history will remember that I was never beaten fair and square. The battle was very, very, evenly poised when I had to descend from my chariot. And that was the only opportunity Arjun had to hit me, right here in the chest. So, I have not surrendered. I’m in a bad situation that does not mean I have surrendered and I am still Karna, I’m still the ‘Daanveer.’ So, wait here is something for you.”

And it is said that one of his tooth was of gold, some treatment might be some surgery, whatever. So, in his last moment he pulls out that tooth. Ever been to a dentist for a root canal or something? How does it feel? Even with anesthesia, how does it feel? Horrible. Do not even want to remember that, right? Somebody putting his hand right inside your mouth and doing all kinds of wild stuff.

And Karna pulls out his own tooth and hands it over. He says, “this.” Or is Karna crying, “see I am a victim.” Is he crying? ‘See how fate has unfairly treated me. First of all, I am from the royal family and I was abandoned for no fault of mine. My mother mated with the sun god and just threw me away in the waters. How was that any mistake of mine? Later on, I was raised by someone from a relatively lower class and all my life I was mocked as of ‘Sutaputra’. How was that any fault of mine?’ Is he play trying to play the victim?

Even in his dying moments, he has his dignity. And when you play the victim that’s the one thing that you immediately lose — dignity. Do you want to live an undignified life?

Audience: Dignity.

Acharya Prashant: Uphold a dignity first thing. When the ego is little then it runs after pride. When the ego is great and sublimated then it says, “pride is a small thing. I love, I love?”

Audience: Dignity.

Acharya Prashant: Dignity. And dignity is not pride. Dignity is something far higher than Pride. Even when you have lost everything in the world, everything material, everything that can be owned and possessed, is still retain your dignity. Never say I am helpless, I need support. Even when you need support, seek support with dignity. Don’t just fall over. Am I making sense?

There is no greatness in playing weak, in acting as a victim. There is no greatness in that. Therefore, you must read a lot. You must read the stories, the biographies of the greats from any field — from science, from religion, from Sports, from politics, adventurers, discoverers. And you will see how they fought against adversity. And one common characteristic is that situations never got the better of them.

In fact, I was reciting this poem, ‘Invictus, Invictus.’ When I was coming to Nagpur, if somebody could, I’ll read it out to you. It’s very pertinent. Are we together?

Audience: Yes sir.

Acharya Prashant: Fine. How many of you have heard of this poem ‘Invictus- W.E. Henley?’ I’ll recite it. And look at the Spirit, look at the Spirit.

Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul.

I’m not living in illuminated times, my environment is all black even bleak. The night is all outside and the night has enveloped me but the soul within is unconquerable. The situations might be adverse but within I shall always remain unconquerable. Outside I might be defeated, inwardly I shall always be a champion. Getting it? That must be the spirit. Not the desire, the cheap desire to play a victim.

In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud.

In the fill clutch of circumstance — amid adverse situations, the circumstances are not favorable. Yes, situations are indeed bad, I’m not fooling myself. It’s not as if I am disconnected from the reality. I know the situations are bad but I have neither winced nor cried aloud. But I am not going to cry, that’s not for me to do.

Under the bludgeonings of chance my head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beautiful. You understand bludgeoning? Hammering. When you hammer something, it is called bludgeoning. Under the bludgeonings of chance, what does chance mean? Fate, circumstance. It is a matter of chance. Nobody can control life, so many things are unpredictable. Under the bludgeonings of chance, my head is bloody but unbowed. Yes, the hammer of fate has bloodied my head. But my head is bloodied, still erect, upright. That’s how your head should be, always irrespective of how the situations are. Even if your head is shattered by the hammer of time, let it be unbowed. Getting it?

You remember the story of that fakir? Was it Aurangzeb who executed him? Memory, my memory ditches me sometimes. So, it is said that his head was cut off because he was refusing to follow the king’s orders. And when the severed head fell on the ground, it laughed! Look at the audacity. Now this is humor. Can you laugh with your head chopped off? Then you are a humorous, sir. Getting it? The head is gone and the head falls on the ground and starts laughing, obviously only for a few seconds and then it’s just silence. That’s how you ought to be as young people, as strong men and women.

wrath and tears looms but the Horror of the shade And yet the menace of the years Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

Does this stir something within you? Yes? Are you young?

Listeners: Yes.

AP: Good.

It matters not how straight the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my faith: I am the captain of my soul.

Repeat: “I am the master of my fate, I am the master of my soul.’”

Listeners: I am the master of my faith, I am captain of my soul.

AP: I’m not a hapless victim, I’m not a little one being kicked around by chance, right?

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