Facing My Fear: Journey to Trust and Connection
Questioner (Q): Pranam Acharya Ji. I’ll read my question. I’m a bit nervous. I have been avoiding facing you for a long time because of fear, and now I want to face this fear. There is some deep distrust to let anyone come truly near. I know that a direct connection with the teacher could help me to get free from suffering. When there are moments of clarity, I truly feel that the self is marvellous, that it dwells in all the bodies, but then the ego also gets afraid of that and runs away. So, the fear cannot be a master anymore. Could you help me with this? Thank you.
Acharya Prashant (AP): Am I really all that vicious? That really is the answer. Am I really all that horrible?
Q: You?
AP: Yeah, the one you are probably afraid of. Yeah, that’s the answer, , that’s the answer. We said, “Thought serves to serve the master.” You could say, “Thought serves to secure the master,” right? Protect the master. That’s all. It’s a thought that there is something horrible or destructive or extremely unpleasant that could happen. This thought is not random. This thought is extremely purposeful.
Just that we do not know ourselves, so we do not know where the thought is coming from and, hence, what is the purpose of that thought. If the thought says, “The teacher or the book or whatever, the process of self-observation, oh! these are dangerous things, there might be pain involved, there might be stuff that hurts,” this is what thought suggests, right?
Thought is suggesting all that on purpose. And the assigned purpose of thought is — just save the master, save the master. So, no thought is random. Though we say that thought proceeds through random associations, fact is, thought is never random. Thought exists to save, secure, defend all falseness.
But here, as you are right in front, there is no space for thought in between or at least the space has been shrunk. The master has decided to give it a try. So, the servant has been told to wait outside the room. The master is saying, “Okay, I am experimenting with something new. If I need you, I will call you.” And the master discovers in this experiment that the suggestions coming from thought were not all that helpful, and the observations made by thought were not all that accurate.
Being in touch with the reality can never harm anybody, accept that as probably the only principle that needs to be accepted. We do not need to otherwise live by axioms. But take this one. It never hurt anybody to know the fact and come to the Truth, never, never. And if thought suggests otherwise, dismiss the servant.
Don’t we have all those obsequious ones whose only job is to save their job? They don’t exist to serve even the master. They exist to secure their jobs. We have them everywhere, all departments, all places, all countries, I think. Or do we find them only in India? Loads of people who exist just to please the boss, not even to really serve the boss, but to just please the boss. Thought is that kind of a servant.
And the principle is, coming face to face with things as they are can never be inauspicious. Temporarily, a little bit, it might bite, pinch here, bruise there, a little bit. But that much we can take, you know. We are not so fragile, right?
Whenever there is a trouble, a problem, as you said, loss of clarity and such things, ask yourself, “How much of it is in the mind? Will I still be experiencing all these things if I fall asleep this moment? There is a cloud within. There is commotion within. There is chaos. And all kinds of things are playing out, their silly games. What if I go to sleep this moment? Would all this still exist?”
So, it’s mental, it’s mental. “And if it’s mental, can I open my eyes and then open the door and walk out into the fresh for a while?” Use this when you know what to use it for. That’s probably a pretty way to put it. Just because you have a servant, don’t keep the poor fellow running around. Certain people do that. They say, “You know, fellow must justify his salary.” That’s like keeping your car on ignition even when you don’t have anywhere to go.
Just because the faculty of thought is there, don’t keep using it. When you know what to use it for, then use it on purpose, sharply, precisely, like on a mission. Go do that. And then, and then sit still, sir. Sit still. That’s your job. Go complete the assignment. Go fetch the goods. Go complete this task. And then sit still.
When you have nothing to do, that doesn’t mean you will just dance or prance around. When there is nothing to do, sit still. And if you can sit still when there is nothing to do, then you will be excellent when you decide to do. If excellence eludes thought or action, one likely reason is that we do not know how to make it sit still.
Think of a runner who is always running. How will he perform in a race? How will he perform? He will perform very badly in the race. When it will be the real time to run, he will find that he has no energy, no pace. Am I making sense?
Q: Yes, very much, yes. Thank you. Thank you so much. I’m so happy that I got over this fear. Julius has been pushing me. I’m also from Finland, so he has been helping me to just push through this fear.
AP: I’m glad and I’m thankful he has pushed you. I want him to keep pushing you a little more.
Q: And now, when I have the guts to come face you, I want to keep coming again. So, I’m very thankful for your teachings.
AP: All this is making me feel guilty. I must be communicating a very monstrous persona. And I’m scaring away people.
Q: It can be a little bit intimidating. I can understand. I have heard this one name of yours, this Ravan, the roaring one. But I have started feeling more and more that you are roaring to the ego, not me. And it is pure love that you are roaring.
AP: I’m thankful if you can see that. Thank you.
Q: Thank you so much.
AP: Yeah. Welcome.
