Why Guilt Doesn’t Transform?
Acharya Prashant: What does guilt say? Let’s first of all look at it.
Guilt says, “I am better than how and what I did.” Right? Guilt says, “I am better than my actions,” or “I am better than my thoughts. I’m better than the account I gave of myself on a particular occasion, or on multiple occasions.” That’s what guilt says.
So guilt says, “I am a resident of the tenth floor, but unfortunately and accidentally I dropped down to the second floor.”
That you are operating from the second floor is a fact. There need not be any imagination in this. But that you belong to the tenth floor is a presumption, it is a declaration that only you have certified to yourself.
What is the fact of one’s life? That one is operating from the first floor, or the second floor. But what does one think about himself? “I belong to the tenth floor.” And this is guilt. “I’m actually better, but I’m not living as per my sublime self.” This is guilt.
Now, this can work both ways. It can encourage you to really move upstairs, or it can console you and comfort you into remaining where you are. You could say, “What a shame that a resident of the tenth floor is found rolling on the second floor.” Or you could say, “Oh, when I actually already belong to the tenth floor, it’s all right if accidentally I happen to be spotted on the second floor. These are minor accidents. They don’t count. My real place is anyway on the tenth floor. That’s my home.”
Guilt can be a great alibi against improvement.
“I don’t need to improve, because the faults, the foibles, the shortcomings, the lapses that I am displaying are just accidental. They are not me. They are happening despite me. They are not me. I’m far better than my performance. This performance is temporary. Very soon I’ll return to my standard elevation.” Guilt could say that.
Or, if one is honest, one would ask oneself: “If I am so consistently being seen at and operating from the second floor, do I really belong to the tenth, or is the tenth merely an escape, a thought, an idea, to help me stay comfortably on the second floor and yet feel as if I am on the tenth.”
Guilt can act both ways. It depends on your love for height. If you really love heights, then guilt would assist you. But if you are comfortable with being thrown down from the heights, then guilt would provide you a lot of consolation and secure your place on the second floor.
For most people, it is very important to accept that they are not accidentally making mistakes, that what they call mistakes are not mistakes at all. They are their standard state of being a mistake is a deviation.
A mistake is a rarity, is it not? A mistake is something that should not have happened and yet has happened. A mistake cannot be a regularity. A mistake cannot be the default mode of functioning.
One has to ask: If I am so frequently mistaken, are these mistakes, or are these what I really am?
If a vehicle is always found with two tires, and always is always, would you call it a car or a scooter? Or would you say that it is a car that is mistakenly missing two of its tires? That’s how most of us want to believe. All our life we are found with two tires. But we do not say we have two tires. We say we have two tires missing. We say we are actually a car. Are we a car at all?
And when somebody points it out, the scooter, the scooter feels guilty. The scooter says, “You know, had I been carrying those two missing ones, this fellow wouldn’t have dared to open his mouth. Just because today I’m not carrying those two tires, he addressed me as ‘scooty’.”
When was the last time you moved on all four? When was the last time you were not mistaken? If 90% of the time you are mistaken, then what is a mistake, the 90% of the occurrences, or the 10% of the remaining one? Please.
So, then you should say, “By mistake, sometimes I perform better. Usually, I am on the second floor. By mistake, accidentally, sometimes I’m found on the tenth.” But that we don’t say, because that hurts.
Far better than guilt is the realization of one’s actual state.
And once you realize where you actually stand, where your choices and decisions have brought you to, then there is a certain sublimation.
When you honestly appraise yourself, then it arises from within that you are not what you have made yourself to be. Is that guilt? Probably yes. Probably no. But whatever that is, that is quite beneficial.
That honest realization does not shout too loudly but nevertheless has great power. For that power to arise, you have to first of all acknowledge where you really are.
Self-improvement cannot happen along with self-deception. If you don’t even admit to yourself that you are in the dumps, how would any improvement happen? You don’t really need to announce it to the world. To yourself, you must know where you really stand. No?
And that silent realization, I assure you, is highly transforming. You don’t even have to then try for transformation.
