Why to Get Married: Is It Your Choice or a Scripted Expectation?

Questioner: Acharya Ji, recently I had a small argument with my parents regarding marriage. They have been pushing me for the last seven years, trying to somehow convince me to get married. I’ve got kind of really sick of it. I’m trying to push it, saying that I don't need it.

But now things have become more serious. It looks like the sole purpose of my dad is just to get me married. He has no interest in anything. It seems like he is lifeless without this ambition being fulfilled.

I have tried to tell him in multiple ways, for five - seven years, that I will go ahead only when I really feel the need or significance of it but not because of fear. But they try to install fear in me, saying “How will you live after some time? There is no security.” They have a lot of fears and a lot of worry. I have been ignoring their fears but now I am worried about their worry, their health. I don't know how to explain them —I have tried multiple times.

Acharya Prashant: You won't be able to explain.

Questioner: And I cannot see them suffering.

Acharya Prashant: You won't be able to convince them. In fact, you will just end up doing what they want you to do. It's not so much about them. It's a pre-written script the way a common man lives, and one follows that script chapter by chapter, act by act, scene by scene. If you have been following that script till now, you'll find it very difficult to break away from the script suddenly. When till now you did everything that was socially mandated and sanctioned, how will you suddenly fly away from the script? And to fly away from the script you must have first of all a more attractive, a more compelling chapter ready with you. Only then can the script be modified, edited. Remember that it's an old script and it has gained a lot of validity and respectability just by its oldness. Like the old books that are considered so sacred that not even a word can be changed. Such is the social script as well. You are born —you'll be brought up in a certain way —you'll go to a certain type of school —you'll have a certain kind of relationship with parents —you'll have certain kinds of relationships with relatives and neighbours —you will pursue certain kind of disciplines in your studies —you will take a few co-curriculars —then you will probably get a job and then you ought to get married. It’s a track, solidly laid out. Merely wishful thinking won't let you deviate from the track. If you really want a deviation, then it cannot be a small deviation. It has to be a dimensional change. You cannot say “I want to deviate ten percent from the script.” You cannot say “I want a ten-degree deviation from the track.” It cannot merely be a deviation —it has to be an outright rebellion.