Rise Above Failure: Claim Your Success Today
Questioner: My name is Rohit. My question is related to failures. At certain moments of life we feel that we have had enough of failures and we are tired of it. Similar goes with me, like I have been trying my best in my life to do everything that I can, I give my best in everything. I have been a very positive minded person but like I have been disappointed in myself. I’m not disappointed in others, but I'm disappointed in myself. But every time I try myself to stand up, and give up my best, but now I feel like, yeah! it’s been a lot of failures in my life, In both my personal and social life.
I try hard to please people, I try to give my best in a relationship but sometimes I get disappointed and dejection. So, I don’t know how much I recover myself because after every time I fail, every time sole within me weakened. It begins to me a little bit even if I try to get up and work more but it’s not the same spirit. I don't have the same spirit anymore. and at the present moment I just feel that I'm already very much weakened. But still I'm trying hard to cope up with everything and go full force.
But sir (acharya ji) like it’s really disappointing for me sometimes, so I want to know how should I tackle this or what approach should I take in my life to just finish these failures and succeed in my life both in personal and social life?
Acharya Prashant: You don’t need an approach to deal with failure, Rohit. You need reality.
You see, you wanted to do something. If you wanted to do something there must have been a reason. Why are you just randomly pushing yourself into something that doesn’t happen. Right?
If you don’t do that thing, if you don’t attempt doing that thing, you suffer. That’s the reason why you are doing that thing. What you are attempting is important, that's why you are attempting it. If you don’t attempt it, you won’t feel good. If you don’t attempt it, there would be a hollow within.
So that’s your situation when you start. I am suffering, that's why I am acting. Now when you act, to relieve your suffering you push yourself into the action to relieve your suffering. The action demands a price to be paid, and the price to be paid includes failures, failures in terms of results.
You wanted to do that thing a particular way, you wanted your project to take a certain form it does not take that form, so you suffer. Now the question is which suffering is bigger? You have to remember that. It’s a relative situation, if you look at only one suffering, it will appear too big.
Do you get which two sufferings we are trying to compare? The suffering that first of all impelled you to do what you are doing to pick up the project, right?
So, there is a suffering that pushes you to pick up that project, if you do not pick up that project you will suffer even more. But when you do pick up that project, the project will bring in its own wake, suffering of its own kind.
Now this suffering starts appearing very big sometimes, it starts appearing big because you tend to forget the mother suffering that pushed you into this project. If failure is so very painful to you, then don’t act at all. Come on!
Any project that you pick up if it’s worthy enough, it carries a significant risk of failure. And the risk of failure looms large irrespective of how worthy the project is. In fact, it is possible that more worthy projects in fact carry a higher risk of failure.
And if failure pinches you too much, then I am saying don’t act at all. Why act at all?
Because, failure carries a large probability of happening. You know in advance that there is a 90% chance of failure and failure hurts, so why act at all. But you will act and why will you act? Because what you are doing is important, if you do not do that then, that not doing, that inaction, will hurt you even more.
We forget that, we forget the mother suffering. So, the subsequent disappointments that come our way, start appearing too big. Oh! I did this and in the process of doing this I am meeting with so much resistance and so much effort it takes, and I’m tired and people are saying that I have invested two years into it and nothing is coming out of it.
If it's all so bad, just drop in na! Drop it, don't do it.
We forget why the thing we are doing deserves to be done in the first place. The mother reality we forget, that’s why I am saying, you do not need methods to cope with your pain, you just need a dose of reality. Failure hurts, I understand, hurts all of us, but how deeply would it hurt to not act at all? you tell me that.
Questioner: sir if I would not try I would be hurt more , I would get worse.
Acharya Prashant: Exactly, exactly. So, if you have to choose between these two sufferings, choose the lesser suffering.
Is not acting an option at all? Is not trying an option ever? And when you start something you very well know that there is a huge chance of failure.
Irrespective of that you start off. Do not start thinking that success is a birthright or something, and do not be taken in by the sellers of pleasure who tell you that suffering is optional or needless or whatever.
Suffering is a fact of life, Rohit. The best you can do is choose the better suffering, choose the higher suffering. I am not saying the bigger suffering, I'm saying higher suffering, the higher suffering, right? Suffer you must, because you are alive. So far you must suffer rightly, if there is a cause worth dedicating yourself to, plunge into it, give yourself to it.
And when you do these things, a lot of circumstantial forces will strike you, when you proceed in the right direction, you will meet headwinds. And they will arise a feeling within, why am I doing all this, why must I needlessly invite so much trouble. Then the ways to remind yourself that the trouble you are facing is not needless, and if at times the inner clamour grows too loud, then say all right. If this seems too much to take, then I am resigning, I quit, and then see.
Questioner: You cannot quit.
Acharya Prashant: Yes, you cannot quit that’s the thing. Irrespective of how bad it is to continue, you still cannot quit, Rohit. Right? That’s why pick only the right things in life. When you pick the right things in life, then you stay put even if the road goes bad, even if the going becomes quite difficult.
Because you know in the first place and you can remember very well what made you start off. Always have a solid reason to start off, don’t randomly throw yourself in any direction. And never, never expect a trouble-free ride.
I am guaranteeing you, in advance, if the cause is worth it, then troubles will be plenty. In fact, chances are that if you pick up something very trivial, something quite worthless, then you will have a relatively trouble- free life. Is that what you want as a young man?
Questioner: No sir, I want my ambitions to come true.
Acharya Prashant: Great. First of all, pick your ambitions wisely. Know very well why the things that you want, deserve to be wanted. Be very choosy and very discreet in deciding your goals. Most of the things that tempt us and attract us, do not really deserve to be pursued.
So, be extremely wise and extremely mature and very patient, in knowing what deserves your attention, your perusal and as you gain in clarity, as you zero in on your goals, you will find that you are now imbued with an inner inspiration that cares for no obstacles.
Because that inspiration is coming from a deep clarity, the clarity that will be prepared, to accept all sufferings along the way. Only when your goal is not coming from your heart, that the sufferings along the path becomes too much to take, you start complaining, you become fidgety, you become nervous and you drop out.
And I am not saying that dropping out is a bad thing. If you have picked up due to some mistake, an unworthy goal, it is a wise thing to drop out.
So, pick your goals with caution and if you have picked them rightly and you are still facing suffering, remind yourself of the mother's suffering, remind yourself of the kind of suffering that first of all made you pick that goal and remind yourself of what happens, if you are not loyal to the goal you picked up.
Am I being somewhat clear?
Questioner: Yes sir, you are almost here.
Acharya Prashant: thank you.
Questioner: I'd like to ask follow-up questions sir, the human behaviour you will know like every human behaviour whether we are giving in our best, this was all about project.
But when we come to our social life or our personal life, things differ in a different way, like about family or something we don’t get that response that we want if you are giving the best of us. So, how should we deal with that? That's one of the second points that I would like to ask you, sir.
Acharya Prashant: No I didn’t quite get your question would you please repeat.
Questioner: Sir, like in our social or our family life, things happen like there is a relationship with our relatives, assemblies and other people. So, when I’m just giving my best interest in relationship
Acharya Prashant: When you’re just putting something into the relationship?
Questioner: Yes, I'm just giving my best into the relationship like I’m trying all. I'm trying to satisfy all the requirements. I'm trying my best to satisfy my parents, or my family. And suppose if I'm not getting the equivalent support or anything like that, how should I deal with that, like that’s an emotional drama or something?
Acharya Prashant: No,(laughed). Why must you do anything? Go to the fundamentals, always. You do something because it is important to your inner state, otherwise why must anybody do anything?
You help someone because that fellow deserves to be helped. You display respect to someone because the fellow deserves respect. No? You put something into a relationship because the relationship is worth it, and a relationship is worth it only if it nourishes the people in it.
So, ask yourself the fundamental questions. Is the relationship nourishing both of us? The other person and me. I am putting a lot into the relationship, you said.
Questioner: Actually sir, putting support type like, getting support from them for achieving my goals and dreams like I want support from my family side and things, more of like that.
Acharya Prashant: Your goals are your goals, as a young person why do you want ratification or support from others?
If that support comes, great it’s a bonus. But I do not suppose at your age others can have a great role towards energising you in your journey.
In fact, you might discover at some point, that it’s a worthy project to help the people around you, and help them by correcting them and when you try to correct them, they will offer resistance.
Now in this project, where they will face inconvenience because you are trying to correct them, would you still expect them to support you?
Questioner: No.
Acharya Prashant: That’s what, that’s what. Worthy projects can run only on innate inspiration. I do realise that being creatures of flesh and blood, we all are affected by what others are saying, doing.
Other’s support motivates us, lack of support makes us feel lonely, when those things happen. But those things have to be kept to a limit, otherwise life will be an exercise in helplessness. You do not want that.
Questioner: Thank you sir, that was a peaceful piece of advice. I am really motivated and resided, and I don't think of giving up anymore. Thankyou.
