Relationships, Attachment and Love, Guilt of Pornography, Happiness and Joy

A. Relationships

Relationships could come from three different, distinct sources. There could be three different basis of relationships:

The lowest basis is material basis. The magnet attracts the iron piece and iron piece is attracted by the magnet, but both of them do not know why. There is a relationship, there is a clear relationship, but both of them do not understand that relationship. It is a dead, very material relationship. Such kind of relationship is possible between human beings as well, where two people are apparently related, but none of them understands why the relationship exists at all. This is the lowest kind of relationship possible.

A little higher than this is the animal basis of relationship. In the animal basis of relationship, the two parties are attached due to fear and greed. We are attached so that we may get something from the other party. The other party gives me security, money, and an identity, this is the greed factor. "I am afraid of going against patterns, traditions and conventions. It is just coming from the past, so I am related to somebody," and there is the fear factor. This is the animal basis of relationship. That relationship exists only because of 'greed' and 'fear'.

Then, there is the human basis of relationship. The human basis of relationship is love and understanding. In relationship between two conscious human beings, there is place only for an intelligent understanding and for love. There is no place for dead attachments. Remember: Attachment is always material. So wherever there is attachment, the basis of relationship becomes the lowest basis. Human beings are not to be related on the basis of attachments, only material is related on the basis of attachments. Human beings are related on the basis of intelligence. The spontaneous overflow of that intelligence is called, 'love'. Change the basis of your relationships. Move to a healthier, more human basis of relationship. Is that not good? Won't it be better if we relate with our friends not in a material way but in a human way. Won't it be good?

B. Attachment and Love

If some of you drive an old bike or old car, you will know that old nuts and bolt cannot be opened. They have to be cut, the nut fuses with the bolt. So, close together and 'close together' for a 'long period of time', that is attraction.

Space and time is attraction. Space and time is also this world. This world is all this that appears all spread around, so space. And this world is the past and future, so time. Attraction and the world are inseparable. Attraction is the fundamental quality of this world.

And remember this world by itself has no life, it is a mechanical system. Apple gets attracted towards earth; earth gets attracted towards apple, fundamental quality. And where there is attraction, there is repulsion as well. So, attraction and repulsion, that is what this universe is all about and this universe is time and space. We just said close together and there is attraction.

Attachment is the fruit of attraction in time. Attraction happens right now and when attraction continues in time then what you get is attachment.

Attraction is a dead thing and attachment is an equally dead thing. So, if you are with a person since a long period of time, you will get attached. You very well know why chemicals react? One chemical has some shortage of electron so it wants the other atom to provide those electrons, right? Either by transfer or by sharing. So attraction happens when there is a feeling of incompleteness.

When you relate to other not because of greed or fear, it is Love. But unfortunately if we look at our relationships, there is greed, fear and expectation always, always present. And where there is greed, fear, expectation, insecurity; there can be no Love. There would be jealousy and possessiveness and there could be discord and strife, but no Love. So there is nothing sensational about Love, it is so simple.

Love is not about creating boundaries, my family, my people, my love, my house.

Love is like the sun, full in itself so its brightness falls on everybody; its warmth is available to all. Wherever it goes, it brings light. That is Love.

The man, who is dull and bored and careless and violent in the office, cannot be a loving father or a loving husband. After all it is the same mind; he will carry the same mind into the house as

C. Guilt of Pornography

It is not only about pornography. There is so much hypocrisy within us and around us where we indulge in particular kind of behaviours, and we all know that not only do we but most people around us indulge in these kinds of behaviours and practices and it is prohibited to talk about them.

Two questions arise from here:

First: From where do these things come?

Second: How have these diseases become the norm?

Understand this:

The notions of heaven and hell, right and wrong, moral and immoral are deeply drilled down into us right since childhood. Obviously, the intention is to have goodness in the world. But see what it gives us: Every child is told to speak the truth, but the world is full of liars. Every child is told to respect others but the world is full of those who exploit others. These teachings of ethics and morality have not brought about goodness and virtue in the world, but they have surely brought about something else.

Pornography is a classic example of all this. On one hand you don’t understand what this thing called ‘sex’ is all about, so you can’t resist it. You have no understanding of what this entire process is. You are not bothered to understand what this hormonal business is. So, you come to a particular age, your body becomes mature, there is the chemical action within the body, and you start getting influenced by it.

You cannot resist it because there is no understanding. You keep thinking that why am I feeling sexually attracted, why do I feel all these urges and impulses? So great guilt arises.

Do you see these two things happening simultaneously?

One, you cannot resist it and second, you feel guilty about it. And both of these happen parallely.

Pornography is this: ‘I can’t resist it, I must get it’, so you go and buy some magazine or visit a website. At the same time you do it behind closed doors, and you feel ashamed if someone comes to know of it.

All this has been created by our imported morality, our borrowed ethics. We have not discovered life on our own. We have just borrowed a sense of right and wrong from the environment, and that has led us into this darkness, where we do things and then we hide them and that has made a complete hypocrite of all of us.

You see, when I find out on my own that life must be lived this way, then there can be no guilt associated with that. Then I will stay put with what I have found out.

D. Happiness and Joy

Real happiness does not depend upon an object or an event. But look at our happiness. Look at the kind of happiness we have. We say that we are happy because of something. Real happiness has no ‘because’. We say that our happiness is dependent on the presence of such and such person, or the happening of such and such event. We say that we will be happy when we get that result. So our happiness is a dependent happiness. Right? Dependent on what? That result. When that result comes, then we will be happy. Otherwise we cannot be happy and till the time that result does not come, how will we be? Sad. Because if happiness is there in the result, then till the time the result is not there, we cannot be happy. Our happiness is a very-very dependent happiness. It is not self-sufficient.

Real happiness, on the other hand, does not depend. It is totally internal to you. It is your own, intrinsic. Nobody can take it away, nobody can give it to you. But then look at the kind of happiness we have. We say that he gives me happiness, or a particular activity gives me happiness, say playing gives me happiness. This happiness is necessarily dependent on something else, and this happiness cannot be there till you are not sad. You have to be sad to be happy. If your happiness is dependent on something, you have to be sad to be happy. Say, the result is about to be declared. You are greatly afraid that you may fail in a particular subject. And you are nervous and shivering. Now the result is declared, and you find that you have passed. So you are very happy. The intensity of your happiness is directly proportional to the intensity of your fear. The more afraid you are, the happier you will be. So to be happy you first have to be sad. When your happiness is dependent upon the result, then to be happy you first have to be sad. What kind of happiness is this? -1 + 1 = 0.

First be sad, then be happy. What stupidity! You are sitting over here and your shoe is hurting. Your shoe is hurting and you are greatly stressed out. And then you go downstairs after this session and take-off your shoes, and you feel a great relief. This is what dependent happiness is. On the other hand, there is something called self-sufficient happiness, the name for that is Joy. It does not depend upon something. It is there. It is your intrinsic nature and that joy is nothing but watchfulness, a silent awareness.

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