The Rebel's Handbook
Questioner: Namaste Acharya Ji. When I think of Bhagat Singh, Chandrashekhar Azad, Rajguru, I see how fearless they were. But when I look at myself, I'm deeply scared for my and my family's well-being. Why is that young revolutionary so fearless, and why am I so fearful?
Acharya Prashant: He was careful enough to not to have a family. That's a big part of the answer.
Questioner: Yes sir, I understand. But I have a family and two kids.
Acharya Prashant: It's a very wonderful thing —Grihasth Ashram (Family man; Householder). What do you do with it when you are told to get into it right at 25, and then when you are like 30-35? How old are you?
Questioner: I am 39, sir.
Acharya Prashant: 39, Now at 39 you ask, "I want to wage wars." They have already ensured that you won't. What else is this 25-year-old Grihasth Ashram for? So that you get nicely, docilely domesticated, and don’t turn into a revolutionary of any kind. You're a man, right? Think of a woman, two kids — what kind of war is she going to wage now?
Do whatever you can in your capacity. I mean, first of all, if you are tied to another person called a wife, you need to have that other person on board. There’s no point asking me for an answer. Is this answer going to be acceptable to her as well? Because you’re now tied.
Questioner: Whenever I try to kind of go against the community, she's always the one who is scared saying, "Oh, you are the one — whatever friends have left you, you will also remove them from my life, and I will become as antisocial as you are."
Acharya Prashant: That's why we also need the very consoling concept of Punar-Janma (Rebirth).
No need to regret, there is always a next chance. You understand the practical utility of these things, and why has that concept remained so popular? "You’ll die and then you’ll get another chance." Because for most people, there is hardly any chance left in this life. That is the position they have brought themselves to.
You’ll need a total revolution, first of all, in your inner world before you can fearlessly do something in the outer world.
There was this one passage from The Fountainhead. I was very young, I was reading, and it really made me convulse from within. There are these two aspiring architects — Roark and Peter Keating — and Keating is in the field of architecture just so that he may have a career.
A manipulative kind of fellow who slogs hard and gains entry into a good institution, and then makes or greases his way to one good firm after the other — though he really has no passion for architecture. Roark is the exact opposite. He has so much passion for architecture that, at some point, he decides to drop out of school — that is architecture school.
He doesn’t decide to drop out. He’s actually expelled because he’s just too good for them. They say, “No, the kind of thing that you're making is just too outrageous. So we don’t take it, Fine.”
But anyway, these two remain in touch. And inwardly, Keating admires Roark — though outwardly, he tries to harm Roark in whatever way he can. He’s quite jealous also. But inwardly, in a hidden way, he admires Roark.
There is this scene and these two are meeting and they meet like once every six months or once a year. These two meet, and Keating is at the height of professional success, and Roark is still struggling.
And Keating shows a particular painting — not a sketch of a building, a painting, like a painter, not an architect — a painting to Roark. And with a lot of hesitation, he says, “You know, this is something I made.” And for the first time, Roark sees something that Keating has made with love.
Keating had made a lot of sketches and designs and all those things that architects do, but there was never any love in it. There was only ambition, greed, and fear in it. For the first time, he’s showing something that his hands are trembling to show, and his eyes have some love for. And he has not been trained as a painter or received any formal education in the arts.
Roark sees that. And he looks at Keating, and he sees that there is raw passion here and also talent. And had this person stayed true to himself, probably he would have made a first-rate painter. But he chose, rather, to fall for his fears and ambitions. So he looks at the painting, and with a lot of regret and pain — he doesn't experience the pain himself, but there is a lot of pain in the scene — he tells Keating, “Too late.”
What?
“Too late, Peter.”
“You have gone down the wrong road for just too long. Too late. This is where your — if I could say — soul lies. This is where your passion lies. But you never would commit yourself to it because probably there is no money, no career in it. But that’s what you saw.”
Don’t let that happen to you. I’m not saying “too late” to you. As long as you are alive, there is always a chance. But the lights, you know, keep getting dimmer and dimmer as you walk away from the source, don’t they? And at some point, the lights get so dim that the human eye can’t even perceive the light. Doesn’t that happen?
Technically, the light is still there, but it has become so feeble now that you can’t even experience it. Don’t let that happen to you. Don’t move so far away that you can’t even return, or think of returning, or initiate a return. Do whatever you can in your capacity.
You have kids, your kids are your second chance. Be with them like a father, like a coach, like a trainer, like a teacher. Raise them into fearless lions. Getting it? And in raising them, you’ll find you are raising yourself.
Those who want to fight important battles — they don’t carry baggage. Those who want to travel long distances, they travel light, don’t they?
Questioner: Yeah.
Acharya Prashant: You have to go all the way, keep it as light as possible. Else you’ll find you’ll have to take shelter just somewhere along the highway.
Have you seen those guest houses and shabby hotels located at odd places along the highways? And you would wonder, “But why would somebody lodge here? I mean, this is neither midway, nor this way, nor that way. It is just at some random point.” But the fact that the lodge or hotel exists means that it is surviving financially, no? That means people are indeed staying there. Tell me, why do people stay there? No choice.
They started out thinking they’ll rest only at the destination. But they ran out of fuel. Or they were carrying somebody who started complaining, “I can't travel anymore. I need to sleep.” So, wherever you are at that point, then you look for the nearest lodging, and you check in.
That’s what happens when you are carrying people who do not want to share your journey. They’ll make you check into shabby hotels — places where you don’t deserve to be. And you’ll only curse yourself. But you can never fully curse yourself, because there will always be those little delights.
“Well, look at the cute smile of the baby, my little angel.” And you’ll find you have a reason to forget all the pain and the tiredness and the regret — for two minutes. So you’ll carry on. Or, you’ll have a terrible fight with your wife, and you’ll realize you have made one huge blunder of a decision. But then you’ll have some sex, and all will be forgotten. Mediocrity.
I have come to have a general distrust of Grihasth. I have been stabbed just so often in the back by them, that it has become difficult to not to stereotype.
The fellow would be all mine — totally committed, devoted — the epitome of realization. A long discussion right till midnight or beyond midnight, and then he would go home. And I don’t know get what, next morning, he won’t pick my call. What kind of spell? What irresistible charm? Nothing. Some sex, that’s too bad sex. Tasteless, stinking kind of sex. And even that is too much to resist. That’s all. Or some tears. It’s got to be about some watery leakage from somewhere. Either he sheds, or she does. Some tears — and you find your number blocked.
What’s the point? Nothing. The fellow already has a center. The fellow has already decided his topmost priority and you should not even compete, because the matter is settled for him. And that’s what I have learned — not to compete. Don’t compete with a man’s wife. And don’t compete with a woman’s husband. You’d always lose.
If you are inducting a man, and the wife is not on board, there is no way you’re not going to lose the man. And the same applies to women, the woman might keep saying, “Oh, Acharya Ji, I love you. You are my life, this, that, and all that.” I know. Just, you know, the moment he plays — kasme waade pyaar wafa, waade hain waadon ka kya, you will melt. Extreme climate change. Or he’ll just display some old album — and these days people also record videos of all kinds — and he’ll display that: “See, this is how intimate we were once and now that Acharya, he has entered like poison.”
I don’t even try. I don’t even compete. I conserve energy and give up. Because that’s what that Grihasth Ashram is for. Go, reproduce. Do you understand the word husband? Go and read what animal husbandry means. I’m not discouraging you, obviously.
Questioner: No, right now something happened at my home, so I totally agree with it. Now both of my kids are here, playing around, and she has got angry and just gone downstairs.
Acharya Prashant: Let’s have a revolution now. That’s the revolution, that’s what you wanted, that's what you got. It’s just that — you must know what you’re doing.
What was Shri Krishna saying today? Nothing is forbidden except ignorance.
22, 25, 28 — do you know what you are doing? I’m all for marriage at 48 — Is that a joke? Please tell me. It's not a joke, seriously. Go and get married, but obviously get some sense first. If marriage means companionship, it’s all right to have a companion. Who can find fault with that? But at 25? What do you know at 25? What are you doing at 25? How many of you are 25? 25 or less than 25?
When you feel totally assured — you understand life, you know yourself, and you know the world, and you also see that you need a companion of the other gender for very, very right reasons — go ahead and get married. But not before that. And the bigger issue is liabilities. Liabilities do not come only in the form of a person.
You want to lead a rebellious life? Why are you so keen to buy that house loan? It’s easy to get indebted. It takes a couple of decades to clear the debt. And you’ll be all grey by the time you clear your debt. You’ll rebel walking with a stick in that great mansion! This is for those — this is the manual for prospective rebels: Billi mat paalna — EMI mat paalna, also the traditional kind of responsibilities.
You must know which responsibilities rightfully belong to you and which ones you must disown.
You are not obliged to fulfill all the so-called traditional responsibilities. You’re going to have a harrowing night. I can already see it on your face.
Questioner: Yesterday it was the same thing. So now Ramadan is going on, and I don’t want to attend the community gatherings. But she makes it a point to kind of have those tears and cry, ensuring that I come, and then giving me that “my children also need that community feeling, so that they can grow better,” while I’m kind of not letting them have what I had in my childhood. So I understand what you’re saying.
Acharya Prashant: You must value freedom just so much. Do not accept anything that’s going to limit your freedom.
I was earning a very decent salary — you could even call it hefty — when I quit the corporate. For 3 years after Advait was founded, I took nothing. I could have opted for funding from somewhere. But that would have come with strings attached and I don’t need any strings.
I value my freedom. And there were investors available. They said, “We’ll invest so much into it, this, that...” Even after those 3 years, I started picking up only as much as would keep the bank balance of the organization very healthy. It was a private limited company, not a foundation. I technically owned it, but I never, never withdrew even one rupee as profits. Never.
After 3 years, I started taking a salary like any other employee of the company. Never, as a shareholder, did I opt to draw dividends. I could have done that, but that would have meant risking my freedom. Because if the company falls sick, that’s a prospect I don’t want to entertain.
And here we have people splurging on credit cards and all kinds of personal loans. And if you have done these things, you think you can still be your own man and rebel? Not possible.
There is that wedding next week. And what do you do? You’re already spending huge. Now, how would you rebel? That’s your opportunity now, turn her into a fearless warrior. And as she grows up, tell her I’m not her enemy. You’ll need to tell that.
And these are the possibilities one works for. All my work is for these people, rather than for you. They still have the possibility, the potential. They are still not committed, not obliged, not engaged. They are the ones who can soar high. Yeah, keep this recording with you. One day I might show this clip to them and embarrass them.
Questioner: These are my opportunities.
Acharya Prashant: They are your opportunities and that’s what you must now live for.
Questioner: Thank you so much, Acharya Ji.
