Speaker: The question is, ‘personality, ego, individuality, freedom, all these surely have the society as the back drop. The relationship between the society and the individual is always questioned. How to secure my freedom from the society then?’
To how many of you is this question important, the relation between the individual and the society?
(Some listeners raise their hands).
Alright! Then this question belongs to many others as well.
Because we are conscious, we relate with each other, but unconscious things and material also relate to each other. For example, hydrogen relates to oxygen and you have water. Right? Iron is attracted to magnet. Even materials have some kind of relation with each other. What is the difference between a material relationship and a conscious relationship? Go into it.
In a material relationship, there is no understanding of what is going on. You are just a slave to your conditioning. Can the iron piece decide that it will not get attracted to the magnet? Can the iron piece decide that it will get attracted to the magnet? It is just happening. Neither the magnet knows, nor does the iron piece, that why does this relationship exist. Whereas, when the two conscious beings relate, they understand, their relationship comes out of this real understanding
.
Can I relate to you if I do not understand you? Can you relate to me if you do not understand me? You cannot.
We have to investigate that what is the relationship that we have with other individuals and that is what is called the society. The relationship of one individual with many others is what is called as the society- this entire network of relationships. We have to investigate the origin of these relationships.
Do we understand what is going on? Because if it is a conscious relationship, then we must understand otherwise, it is just one material relating to another material in a very, very dead way. Do we really understand that what is the foundation of our relationships with our parents, with our teachers, with our friends, with our pet animals, with trees, with the entire education system? We are relating to all of these. Right? This is what is society- friends, teachers, family- that is what society is for us.
Do we understand the basis of our relationship with these? Do we really understand?
Listener: Sir, feelings.
Speaker: Do we understand what feelings exactly are? What do you mean by feelings? When you say ‘feeling’, then do you want to say that it is something different from a dead process? Iron and magnet, it is a mechanical thing. When you say feelings, you probably mean that they are not mechanical.
Now is there really consciousness in your feelings. To be conscious is to understand and to understand is to stand at some distance to what is happening. To understand means to not to be entangled but to be an observer. Are you getting it? Alright, I ask you, when you get angry, this is a feeling. When you get very angry, then do you really understand that feeling? Are you entangled in your anger or are you observing your anger?
Listener: Entangled.
Speaker: Do you really understand your anger then? Is not our anger purely a mechanical thing? Just as you have two metals reacting. It is given that under certain conditions of temperature, pressure, presence of catalysts, these two molecules are surely going to react. We know that. It is predictable. Is our anger also not predictable? We all know that if such and such things are told to us, we will all get angry. Don’t we know that?
It is given that when ‘X’ type of person comes to you and says ‘Y’ types of things, in a ‘Z’ type of environment, you will surely get angry. Now, it is just not like a chemical reaction that under suitable temperature and pressure, the reaction will surely happen. Is it not just like a chemical reaction? Then how do our feelings approve of our being conscious? In fact, feelings are our proof of being conscious. In fact, feelings are a proof of our unconsciousness. Remember all feelings arise from thoughts.
When thought gets intense, when the thinking activity in the mind becomes very vigorous, then it starts appearing as a feeling. When you are just irritated, nothing will happen to your body. If that feeling of irritation grows and grows, then what happens? Your hands start trembling, your face becomes red, and it becomes obvious that you are angry. It is the same thought of irritation that is already present. When that thought intensifies, then you say that it is a feeling. So, feeling is nothing but an intense thought. And thought is very predictable. It is just like the material process between iron and magnet.
What is the basis of our relationships? Do we really understand what is going on? When I say that such and such fellow is my friend, do I really understand the basis of our relationship? Do I really understand why he is my friend? When I say that I love this person or that person, do I really understand the basis of our relationship? I am talking about society, all this is society- friends, family, the entire system. When I say that I have this kind of relationship with my parents, then do I really understand the nature of this relationship? I may have given it a thousand names, that is alright. Names don’t matter. But do I really understand that relationship?
When I speak to the audience, more often I have found that what you call as affection, love and care in case of all these familial relationships, it is actually dependency.
What you call as love in relationship between man and woman, it is actually nothing but your hormones. Just as the two chemicals react, similarly the male and female hormones are attracted towards each other. That is all, but you call it by the great name of love. It is just like iron and magnet. Neither is the iron really alive, nor is the magnet, two dead things attracting each other.
Why do we live in this society? Do we understand what all is this? If we understand all this, then we would be free. And then it would be a conscious choice, then it would be a free-will. Most of us feel oppressed living here. Right? We often say that society is taking my freedom; I feel chained and such things. Don’t we say that? Had this relation between us and society really come out of a clear intelligence, then we would have never felt oppressed. But we do feel oppressed. Don’t we?
Consciousness is our nature, we are intelligent. Someone has said that man is condemned to be free. So, you may like it or dislike it but you are intelligent and that is your very nature. If you do not let that intelligence manifest, then you would be frustrated and you would live in fear.
If society terrifies you, then it is a proof enough that you are not looking closely at your relationships carefully. You are related to the society out of fear, out of obligations. You see there are two ways in which an individual can connect to another individual. One, out of love, real love and second, out of fear. Find out how you are relating to all the individuals all your life. Is it really the joy of love which connects you to others, or is it some kind of fear which holds you with other people?
Let me drop you a hint. If you think that if I am not with a certain person, then such and such things will happen, if you think that if I am not in the family, then that will happen, if I am not with my friend, then this will happen, then you must know that your relationship with your family and friend is of fear. You are afraid that if I am not there, then this will happen. You are not relating to anybody out of your intelligence, out of your love but purely out of a certain fear. You may not realize it. In fact, it may hurt you to know that the relationships that you considered so sacred were out of fear. If all these conditions are attached to any relationship, then it is not a relationship out of conscious understanding, love. Then this is a relationship out of fear.
We are not iron and magnet, that is not how we relate. Before you relate to anybody, before you give a name to a particular relationship, find out what the truth of that relationship is.
Man does not exist for society. Society is the relationship between man and man. Find out the basis of this relationship.
Any basis of that relationship except understanding and love would be a false relationship. If you will have this basis for any relationship, then you will always remain in fear and these questions will keep coming.
Excerpted from a ‘Shabd-Yog’ session. Edited for clarity.