How Do I Really Know Somebody?
Questioner: Acharya ji, How do we really know anybody?
Acharya Prashant: Charu, let's first see: How do we presently work? What is our way of knowing and relating to others, other individuals? How do we look at anybody? Pay attention to this: How do we look at anybody? Do we look at people as they are?
No. Our eyes are covered with a lot of filters. Filters of identity, of belief, of our own prejudices, of the opinions that we are already carrying about others, and with these eyes, do we look at others? Now, can looking be really possible if you already have an opinion about the other. It’s simple. Is it possible to really know the other person or the other situation or whatever? Is it possible to really know if your mind is already carrying an opinion about the other? It is impossible because if you strongly believe that you already know, then you can no longer know. If you believe that you already know, then it is impossible to really know, and that is the way we operate. We never really look at anything.
We always come to people, places, and situations with some kind of belief, and that belief is a great barrier to really knowing. With that belief, you can never know anything. So, Charu, it is no wonder that we are deceived. It is not surprising at all that we are deceived. But nobody else is responsible for this deception. Nobody else is responsible if life makes a fool of us. We ourselves are responsible. We never bother to look at life honestly and directly. We look at life with these filters, and these filters are the enemy of truth. They will never let you know so that you will ask, is it possible to be without these filters? From where do these filters come? From where do these obstructions to truth arise?
They come from your own identities. They come from your own identities. You said you want to know the truth of an individual. Let’s try to understand. Let there be the same building which Hindu calls by the name of - Temple. That same building, that single building, when one individual looks at it, a great feeling of devotion arises in their heart, and another fellow looks at it, nothing happens. Nothing happens to him at all. In fact, he may feel a repulsion because he has belonged himself to some other religion. Now, how can you know the truth if anything is just a mere building, a structure of brick and mortar?
But you are approaching with a mindset, you are approaching with an opinion, an identity. We need to understand that behind every opinion lies an identity. Now, my identity is that of a Hindu. So, my opinion, look at it; my identity is that I am a Hindu. So, my opinion is that this building is sacred. Conversely my identity is that of a Muslim, so my opinion is that this building is immaterial. It doesn’t matter. Obviously, none of them, neither of these two individuals are looking at the reality. Both of them have been blinded by their identities. Are you getting it?
Because we all carry identities wherever we go, from these identities come ready-made opinions, and these opinions never allow us to look at the truth. Never, never allow us to look at the truth. Do we know of ourselves as anything except the identities that have been given to us? We have no understanding of who we are, and all over, self-knowledge is limited to these identities that have been handed over to us by the environment, by others, by parents, by society, by education, by others, and it’s a very funny situation. If you look at it, somebody else is giving an identity, and based on that identity, you form an opinion. That opinion prevents you from seeing the truth, and then you wonder why I am unable to know the reality. You are unable to know the reality because you are determined not to know the reality.
Your mind is full of beliefs, full of beliefs, and an intelligent mind is one that can turn inwards and look at these beliefs and ask itself where these beliefs come from. And what are these beliefs doing to me? We already believe that we know what education is? What is the meaning of career? What is money all about? We believe we know what a good life means. And when we believe all this, there is no way of really exploring. What is freedom? What is a good life? What is love? What is joy? What the world is all about? There is no way we can know that because others have already implanted beliefs in our minds. The mind finds it very simple when ready-made beliefs are available. Why find out on your own?
Why make all the effort? There are others and they are always ready provide us with second hand ready-made identities, beliefs, ideas. Just take those ideas, just borrow those ideas and carry on with life. Why find out? And when you don’t find out, you will be deceived. Whenever you will approach a situation, or a person, or life with a pre-existing notion, you will find that life is making a fool of you. You will find that you are failing again and again, and you will not understand the reason. You will keep on wondering why this happened to me. Why does this happen to me? The reason is simple: you are responsible for it. You have never bothered to go into your own mind. Right?
Next time, Charu, when you come across somebody, in some situation, or something, try to look at it very directly and very honestly. Try to look at it as if you are looking at it for the very first time with no baggage of past beliefs or identities, and then you will find yourself closer to the truth, right? Yes.
