The mind has been living for long in patterns. It knows no other way of being. The movement of patterns is gross. The movement of egoless action is very subtle, and the habituated mind will initially fail to notice it. You will have to wait like one waits for a lover. Do not expect that the new action, the new voice, the new guide will be of the same type, the same nature as the old one. This will be new, really new. Be ready to be surprised.
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Questioner: Sir, I am awake almost 14-16 hours a day. I have been feeling that I have just been wasting away this time. Nothing is getting done. Nothing is being accomplished. There is so much I can do, but I avoid it because I have a doubt that the need to accomplish something may itself be conditioning. But then, what do I do?
I feel like my 16 hours a day are not productive. I read some books; the rest of the time I am just lost in the past. I am lost in memories, always remembering all the wrong I have done, all the pleasure and pain I keep recalling. I just sit all day lost in thoughts. I do this because I have read that society pushes you to do something and not sit idle. But sitting idle like this is making me worried.
From the beginning, we are told to always achieve something, to always try to get ahead of everyone else. So I said, “Fine, I won’t do anything.” Because of all this, I am not learning any new skills, because I feel that all skills only strengthen the ego.
Sir, how does one know whether the desire to do a particular action is coming from the ego or from the true self?
