Living Without Illusions: A Lesson on Expectations and Reality

Questioner: Namaste Acharya ji.

Acharya Prashant: Welcome.

Questioner: Acharya ji, my question is a bit related to the personal struggle and basically let's say if we take today's context, there are so many disturbing events on many aspects, right? So very recently Facebook founder said something around fact removal, of fact checkings that, you know, created a whole host of opinions.

Then we know that Elon Musk and Trump are going to really accelerate climate change. Last time we talked about Gisèle Pelicot's case, which was very heinous and she finally won. So which is good. Also I was going through some other news which was very, very disturbing. And so my question to you, and if I go to the work side of aspect of life, I see the same thing in leaders.

So just to give you a concrete example, I have seen so many so-called chief sustainability officers or people working in ESG, but when you see them personally, you do not see any relation in their own lifestyle with what values they should actually be standing for. So you see a dissonance, right, you know, naked.

So my question to you is, when you see, because you must be seeing a lot more than what I see, how do you maintain this balance, that center you talk about? Because I get into, you know, I lose a lot of time, maybe in examination and seeing if I'm sleeping. And it has been a real challenge. Like on my personal front, I'm single, so I, you know, saved myself from that at least harassment, if I can say that.

And my relationships with family are also very leaned up and very clean. So on that side, I think I would say I've done fairly well and I'm not troubled. But when I go to a workplace, when I go and interact with the community, or if I see globally like all three dimensions, I see a lot of dissonance and I feel sometimes like very much like myself then, and I lose a lot of time, a lot of my energy.

So how do you practically, you know, suggest some ways, because when I see Jiddu Krishnamurti, I went through a lot of his videos and I saw that he was in the field, but somehow he gives me a feeling that he was never touched by anything of this world. At least whenever I listen to him, this is something along with the words, this is something he communicates to me. So I don't know what kind of a human mind and how was that possible? How is that possible? I don't know.

Acharya Prashant: It might be different from how you are interpreting it. See, it is not that the way the world is, the ignorance, the stupidity, the suffering, the perverseness of it all. It's not that — that hurts or surprises you. What shocks is that adverse things come from people you think of as decent, respectable and wise. It is not events or people, therefore, who are shocking you, it is the expectations that you hold of them.

You assume that you are entering a hall full of wise people. And then in that hall, if you are able to detect two crackpots that throws you off balance, just two. And the room had a hundred people. You entered the room and you were able to detect two lunatics there. And that shocked you no end, right?

I enter the same hall containing the same hundred people and I see a hundred lunatics. And I'm not shocked at all, because I never expected to see wise or sane people. I know in advance that the one who does not respect self knowledge is compulsively going to be lunatic, irrespective of how intelligent or respectable he looks.

I do not go by their looks therefore, or the degree or the social position they hold. There is only one yardstick, only one criterion that I have and that is self knowledge — Atma Gyan. Does the fellow know who he is? And when I look at these hundred people in that hall, it takes me no time to see that they have zero respect for self knowledge. I know I have a hundred loonies in front of me and that does not shock me because I have zero expectations from them.

Your problem is you have still not been able to wrap your head around this simple fact. You still continue to hold very unrealistic expectations. Your expectation is if the fellow is a Chief Sustainability Officer, he ought to be at least a semi decent fellow. I have no such delusions. In fact, the moment I see a CSO, I know that the top looney is here, CLO — 'Chief Lunatic Officer'. So therefore I chill. I rarely get shocked.

And I've been trying to somehow put this across since such a long time. I remember there was this little camp we organized. Where was it Bombay or Pune? Some six, seven, eight years back? Nirayas (name of volunteer) here might have been a part of that. This fellow gets up and says, you know, the world shocks me so much and my own family has shocked me so much. No, it was in Ahmedabad. Dig that out. And so I replied. And that response was both published digitally and in print with the title “जानवरों से उम्मीदें रखोगे तो दिल तो टूटेगा ही”, “जानवरों से उम्मीदें रखोगे तो दिल तो टूटेगा ही”

If you hold expectations from beasts then a heartbreak is all that you would get. I have spared myself the obligation to hold expectations from beasts. Therefore, I am not surprised when I see them behaving beastly.

Your situation is different. The fellow is a trillionaire. This planet is going to have a trillionaire soon. You know that? The fellow is a whatever.. 'Zillionaire'. Therefore he must be at least a little intelligent. I have no such compulsions. I do not find it necessary to respect or regard someone just because he is a prime minister or a top corponcho or a charming celebrity or even a most revered religious leader.

Since I do not anyway expect them to behave sanely therefore it does not come to me as a surprise when they behave insanely. Now you must look within and ask why do I continue to harbor this expectation? Because it is the same yardstick you measure yourself with.

How do you know you are good? You are good, right? That's what we think of ourselves, right? We are good. How do you know you are good? Because I am well educated, so I am good. No, no, no. If you think you are good because you are well educated, then there is somebody always better educated than you. And then if you are good, he is better. That's your problem. You look at the others. You are bound to look at others with the same eyes as you look at yourself.

I am going out for the Saturday party. Don't I look pretty? If you are good because you look pretty then how will you not admire someone who looks prettier? And then you will be shocked. When the one who is outstandingly pretty behaves in the most brutal of ways. Then you will say, but you know this one was supposed to be good. Why was that one supposed to be good? Because that one is pretty.

Who told you that being pretty is a proxy for being good? Because I think of myself as good on the basis of being pretty. The same basis you apply to others also. I am satisfied. I feel satisfied on having some amount of money. How satisfied do I feel? Well, around 33.46%. That's the usual level of satisfaction. The dissatisfaction levels are twice as big. So 1/3.

So if on having, let's say, whatever is your net worth. Let's say whatever — 10 lakh rupees. Don't be disappointed. It's just an assumption. So on having 10 lakh rupees, if you feel that you are 1/3 satisfied then you extend the same proportion to the other who has 10 crore rupees and then you say that fellow must be hundred times more satisfied than the 1/3 times I am. So that makes him 33 times more satisfied than satisfaction.

How much do you have? Just 10 lakh rupees. And you feel you are 1/3 satisfied and 2/3 dissatisfied. Right. The fellow has 10 cr. So that fellow must be 33.33 times more satisfied than complete satisfaction itself. But you find that the fellow is still terribly dissatisfied. Incorrigibly dissatisfied. Irreversibly dissatisfied. And then you are shocked. You are shocked. Now why are you shocked? Who told you to expect that fellow to be satisfied in the first place?

You expected that because you apply that same measure to yourself. That billionaire must be a terribly happy man. Why do you assume that? You assume that because money gives happiness to you. Just that you do not realize the nature of that happiness. So you think you have a little bit of money. So you are little bit somewhat happy. And that fellow has so much money. So he must be infinitely happy. And then you see that the fellow is acting all mean and petty in the worst way possible. And you are shocked. But you know, he has so much. Why is he still acting in ways that would destroy the planet? Why?

The problem lies in your assumption. Why do you expect people to be good? Please tell me who told you that people are good by default. Why hold that expectation? People never disappoint me. Tell me why? Because I don't have expectations. Or at least I pretend that I don't have expectations. I try to and I fail. The fact is, we are born brutes. We are creatures of the wild.

I was trying to figure out, in the context of biodiversity depletion, extinction of, mass extinction of species. I was trying to figure out which was the first species that humans caused to go extinct. Can you guess? Ah, that's far too recent. It was our own first cousins, the Neanderthals, 50,000 years back. That's who we are. Even when we had no knowledge, no organization, no resources, we still caused a very intelligent species to disappear. A species possibly more intelligent than us, the Neanderthals.

Obviously, much of that is in the realm of speculation. But reasonably, we are today certain that that's what we did. Why do you expect people to be good? We are not good. We are killers. We are violent people. We wipe entire species out. In fact, it's pretty. What should I say? Should I say innocent or should I say just rich? It's pretty rich of someone to say, oh no, I met a really good fellow today. No fellow is really good. Only a Buddha or a Krishna can be good. Others are all turncoats. You will be deceived, disappointed, and you will suffer.

Man, by his physical nature, by his biological constitution, is ugly, cruel, barbaric. Why will he not destroy the planet? Especially if you can win a presidential election if you promise to destroy the planet.

We have been fed fancy stories. We are born good, and then the society corrupts us. Some philosopher who probably never went to Vedanta, quipped, 'Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains. Figure out who said that.' No, we are not born free. We are born brutes. What's the definition of a brute? The one who is born in bondage.

Your default attitude towards everyone should be of some cynicism. And that does not preclude the possibility of compassion. How can you be compassionate towards someone if you do not know his reality? Yes, there will be compassion between me and the scorpion.

But I will know very well that the scorpion is physically configured to bite. Man too is physically configured just to bite. But we regale ourselves. We hold a totally unrealistic, bloated and very marvelous image of ourselves. God: man made in his own image. No, the chimpanzees made us in their own image. Obviously.

Never be surprised when you find somebody acting mean. We are supposed to act mean. In fact, you should be surprised when you find somebody not acting mean. A Krishna or a Kabir is an impossibility, improbable to the extent I am calling him improbable. Impossible! Probability tending to zero. But we say, 'Oh! I'm so surprised, that fellow tried to fob me off. You should be surprised when somebody does not try to cheat. And if you have too many people in your life who you think are good, then you are heading towards disaster.

Because very soon you will be shocked. Come to learn of yourself and come to learn of others before you meet a crushing shock. Nobody is good, you are not good. Others are not good. I am not good, nobody is good.

Oh! he is talking so negatively. What a pessimistic view he holds of humanity. I am not pessimistic, I am just realistic. I am telling you who you really are. And then I am inviting you to rise above yourself, to not be yourself. That's why I love people who expose their meanness, their cruelty, their blind desires without compunction. My problem is with people who pretend and project goodness.

By the time you hit 15, you should have come to a clear realization that goodness does not exist by nature. That goodness is something that can come only when you diligently cultivate it. It should have been clear. And when it becomes clear, then you do not fall prey to all kinds of deceivers and manipulators who pretend to be good.

Let me give you one more reason, a final one, why we are deceived by others. I'll tell you why, and I'll give you an example that does not personally apply to you. So you know nobody will be offended. You're single, right? Yes. So that fellow believes in a particular political ideology, speaks in a particular way, goes to the church or temple every Saturday or Sunday. I like that fellow. That fellow must be good. Why?

He exhibits a particular temperament, he holds a particular ideology. He behaves in a certain way. He has to be good. And then I come and say, you know, but there is so much evidence that the fellow is not good. And you will be very reluctant to admit that evidence. Let me tell you why?

Because that fellow is just so much like your husband or your father. If you admit that that fellow is a rascal, you will have to admit that your husband or your father too is a rascal. And that's why we keep on giving green chits to all kinds of brutes. Else you will be guilty of double standards. Hypocrisy. Are you getting it?

Kapoor uncle, next door has to be a good man. Why? Because he is such great friends with your father. And then Kapoor uncle gropes and tries to molest. And then you are shocked. Why are you shocked? Because first of all, you thought that Kapoor uncle is a good man. And why is Kapoor uncle supposed to be good? Because he is friends with your father. In fact, he resembles your father so much.

Why can't you accept that your father too is a brute? Because you draw so much from your father. Because there is an inheritance to be had, an identity to be had, security to be had. Therefore you will never want to accept that your father is an animal. And if your father is not an animal, then Kapoor uncle is also not an animal. So you will trust Kapoor uncle and be molested. And we do not realize that all fathers are Kapoor uncles to other women, Kapoor uncle too is a father to his own daughter. But to somebody else's daughter, he is Kapoor uncle.

Your best friends, your idols, if they share traits, even the great gods that you worship, if they display the same traits as some of the worst human specimens you can see, will you be able to freely call those specimens the worst? Because if you accept that those specimens are not fit to be called humans, you will have to accept that the gods you worship, that they too are not fit to be called even humans, let alone gods. And by gods, I do not mean just mythological gods. Power, pelf, prestige. These too are gods.

People keep giving the benefit of doubt to everyone. No, no. The world is good. The world is good. If somebody is not coming to the Gita, he must be having some genuine problems. You know why you want to extend the benefit of doubt to that person? Because you too are exactly like that person. You are not favoring that person. You are favoring yourself. That fellow dropped out of Gita. He must surely have some genuine family and financial problems.

You know why you want to be sympathetic to that person? Because you too are inwardly harboring plans of dropping out from Gita. If you are sympathizing with the evil, that is only because you too have the evil lurking within. And when you sympathize with the evil, will you call the evil as evil? No. Then the evil will be named as goodness. And then this goodness will stab you in the heart. And then you will come running. Oh my God! Something totally unexpected has happened. What unexpected? What unexpected?

Be very, very cautious of people who have a very high opinion of humanity. Who keep on saying the world is a great place. The world is a good place. Those who have known man and life have said, the world is a cage, the world is suffering. And then there are the positive types who keep saying, Oh! Life is bliss, life is benediction.

Then surely Gautam the Buddha was a fool when he said, Sarvam Dukham, life is suffering. If people are born free and great, then surely all the sages were idiots when they said life is bondage. Anybody who has not paid respect, genuine respect to self- knowledge does not deserve your respect. And if you will offer respect to such a person, be ready for surprises. Very nasty surprises. Yes, yes.

Questioner: So, Acharya Ji, I think this part I follow because I've been with you for the last two years. So I think I started to understand and I completely agree with you that life is suffering and but my question is more around when we go and operate in the world because we will have some activities, some engagement. And this is where I think my question more is because two years ago, why I came to you, like two years ago was because I was battling suicidal depression because from my workplace and I could see a lot of corrupt practices against which I had actually stood up.

And I failed, not failed, but I withdrew the battle. So they offered me some money and I left it on the table because that was not right and I wanted my voice back. So that's how it, you know, Gita started. And that's how even my position in the battle itself literally changed because I put all the stakes on the table, which were more, let's say, tangible or something, one can count.

And, and I. It was an exit from that, you know, that place. And I think I somehow was able to at least see the depth of corruption. And I'm not saying that I am an expert on this, but at least I could witness some parts myself.

So now this doesn't come as a surprise as much, but my challenge now is like, like two years. But my challenge is how do I go back and operate in a world which is more effectively, of course, I will never be, let's say, a Buddha or, you know, but I think at least to improve my own self. You know, how do I manifest and express and utilize my life going forward? So that's where I think I see that it's still a challenge because it's hard to find a place and it's hard to. Yeah. And when I encounter such things, then I lose my time. Some days I'm just thinking about this.

Acharya Prashant: Talking about a vocation, finding a profession, a workplace.

Questioner: Yes, that too. But even, yeah, even that. For example,

Acharya Prashant: So what else? What else?

Questioner: I don't, I think pretty much that. So basically I have not finalized on what I should do next. I like briefly working with a sustainable startup, but I think that's also not something which is good enough for me now. So wherever I interact and engage with people and then I see, okay, it starts on some value system but soon, you know, you encounter some of the nitty-gritty and, and you see the same stuff. It doesn't surprise, but it has definitely become a challenge. So that's the only thing I wanted to say. How do you navigate?

Acharya Prashant: I'll not console you here. It's next to impossible to find a workplace that's not working towards an overt or covert animalistic purpose. It could be a top notch investment bank, it could be strategy consulting or it could be a slaughterhouse.

They are all much the same. So I'm not going to just entertain you by saying, you know, you keep searching and you'll find a good place. Were that possible, I would have entered such a place and happily served that place my entire life. It's not that I was intoxicated with the idea of starting something.

First of all, I tried to figure out if there is something already existing in the world, something that I could approach and humbly serve. And I think, I can honestly say I tried to find such a place with all the purpose and intelligence of a young man. I didn't find any place. So I had to start.

You too will probably need to start something of your own. This is, this is, this world is not a place where you will get easy avenues, ready made places. Maybe, maybe not entirely impossible, but highly improbable.

People will talk of their social responsibilities and their divine purposes. We as a social media company exist to facilitate great conversations so that mankind can be liberated. We know what you exist for. Right? Right. So you don't go by their vision and mission statements and such things? No. Great workplace.

Questioner: Yeah, a couple of years, a couple of years when I was going through, I think that's when the decision was made, at least that time it was clear that it's better that I stop at least giving my effort because I could see that my efforts are very dangerous in all aspects. But the best I could do was that, okay, now I see and I don't unsee and I just stop it. That was the only thing in my hands that time. But since then I'm striving and let's see. But thank you.

Acharya Prashant: One has to create an alternate world of our own. Do not expect to fit in the pre-existing worlds. If you fit in, then you will have to go by the rules of the pre-existing type. You will have to. If you want to live a life of freedom, then you have to realize that the default is bondage. Which means you will have to start afresh, create anew. At least that's my experience. I couldn't find much purpose in the way the world currently is. And so I had to go through this tiresome but necessary journey of doing what I am currently doing.

Questioner: Yeah, even seeing your journey, honestly, it's very scary. So…

Acharya Prashant: I agree.

Questioner: This is very scary. But thank you, Acharya Ji. Because if you were not there, I think two years ago, I decided that I would physically exit. Honestly.

Acharya Prashant: Come on, don't be childish. Drop all that.

Questioner: Yeah, I mean all that.

Acharya Prashant: If one has to perish, why not go down fighting?

Questioner: Yeah, I did put up a good fight, I think when I met you. Only after that I think the philosophy of fighting itself changed. So I'm very glad that I at least came out with a draw. But of course I could not win it anyways.

Acharya Prashant: One would always be smaller when it comes to resources and all compared to the vastness of evil that obfuscates this earth. One would always be a little thing. One would never have the odds in her favor. But still the choice to give it a good fight is always available.

Punch. Punch above your weight and above your height. Give them a bloody nose before you are knocked out. Obviously you will be knocked out. One day you will be knocked out. I'll be knocked out. But before I am knocked out, छोटा पैकेट बड़ा धमाल।

Questioner: Scary it is.

Acharya Prashant: Not scary. It's fun. It's fun. Is it not fun to punch above your weight? Glory for you.

Questioner: I don't do that in fear. To be honest, I had layers of fear and I. Yeah.

Acharya Prashant: No fear, nothing. What are you afraid of? You are anyway not going to be there for long, right? Nobody is here for long. So as long as you are here, have fun. And no better fun than giving it back to the rascals.

Questioner: Yeah, Thank you, Thank you.

Acharya Prashant: Welcome.

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