Decoding the East: Insights Ignored by the West
Questioner: Namaste Acharya Ji. Last time I had attended the Mahotsav online and I had asked you a question, your answer to the question has brought me here.
Like you had just mentioned that when doubts arise, we try to fade them away on our own, we try to do away with them on our own; I have been trying to do this for quite some time. I don’t know what the problem is, I’m in a deep state of confusion, there is always an underlying feeling of unease that I face. Everything on the outside is okay, the work that I do, I like the work that I do, I enjoy it, I want to continue doing it; there’s no such problem on the outside but on the inside, there is this constant feeling of unease, I don’t know what it is, maybe an existential crisis, I’m not sure.
I’ve been talking to a volunteer, we have been trying to dissect what it could be. On the periphery, what I see is that I don’t like associations and identifications of any sort. I don’t like being identified with anything. For example, my parents, I like to see them more as individuals and not be connected, like for referential purposes obviously, I say that that these are my parents, but I don’t like that form of being tagged or being labeled as something, anything. For example, one of my friends often refers to me as her best friend, I am very taken aback by that thing because I don’t understand what that means. I don’t want to confine myself to any sort of an identity.
The second thing is, I also don’t like taking any form of authority, any form of instruction, if it comes consciously even from myself, I try to retest myself from doing it. A simple thing that I can share is, if I tell myself that I have to study today and I am conscious of that instruction, I don’t like taking it. So, one thing that I tested was, I would simply get up and start doing my work instead of giving myself any sort of an instruction.
I don’t like being told, for example, even when I got in touch with the organization, with the volunteer, I was happy at first that maybe I’ll be able to attend the Mahotsav and everything, but after some time, I was like, "I’m in touch with someone, oh god, is she going to be after my life now?” Like is she going to check on me, or am I going to be forced into doing something? Sometimes I feel like maybe I need to be just scolded and humiliated at your hands at once so that I come down of that pedestal and get back to life because it is creating a lot of stress in me, every act of doing, it is also reflected in my body.
I have seen many doctors, I’m facing from something called as excessive water retention and bloating. So, whenever I get stressed, it reflects in my body. It takes me time to forget myself and come back to reality, I think my own personality is overpowering me so much and this time I am getting scared as I ask this question because I know I am the problem but I know that I need to let my guard down and let you help me in some sense.
Acharya Prashant: Why should I scold you at a time and place of your choice? I’ll do that when you least expect it. So, for now, let me disappoint you. No, I’m not done yet.
See, it’s alright, it’s a great thing to not be submissive to authority. In fact, as a person, when you say that, I so very much resonate with you. I have been exactly this kind of person. At the same time, I don’t want to yield to authority for my own good, right? Things must have a reason.
One doesn’t needlessly bow down because that would be detrimental to one’s interests. It’s not merely a matter of the ego’s whims, “I don’t want to be submissive.” If I am submissive, that would hurt me, hurt me not in the sense of feelings but in the sense of my real interests. So, if my interests are to be protected, I need to learn, I don’t need to kneel down, to prostrate; nevertheless, I do need to learn. And learning is something very different from submissiveness or prostration or whatever. There are words galore, right? Don’t we want to learn?
And I readily empathize when you say, “Why not learn on one’s own?” Obviously, let’s give that one try, two tries, let’s try that the first thing. Why go to someone before making ample effort on one’s own? Because if you haven’t tried on your own, then forget all other aspects, going to someone is going to be an inefficient thing, no?
Before trying on your own, you do not even know the problem in its entirety, and you are going to somebody and the whole process demands time, energy, space and sometimes even money. And it’s not just about your time, energy, space, etc., you are also taking that person’s time. So, before you engage, obviously you need to have tried your uttermost. So, that’s something obviously to be supported, but equally, we all know how limited we are beyond a point, and when we come to that point, it becomes obvious that one needs to look beyond herself, that one needs to seek help.
And it’s not, mind you, an admission of your powerlessness, it is just an expansion of your power boundary. You feel you are powerful only as long as you get it from within yourself. Why can’t you admit that it is in the purview of your power to seek help as well? That too is an expression of your power, is it not? Is it not?
But that thing has to be exercised only after you have exhausted all your inner and available resources. Then you go to the next level to exercise the other quality of power, which is seeking help, right? Just be discreet in seeking help and be very honest in seeking help. There is nothing ignoble about seeking help as long as you have first done the most, the best you could, okay?
In fact, why even say help? I mean, you could have a word of your choice, if help sounds a bit demeaning. You could say ‘consultation,’ or ‘discussion,’ or whatsoever is the going jargon these days. What do they call it these days?—‘Conversation’. “It’s just a didactic engagement,“ how does that sound? “I never went to a Mahotsav , it was a didactic engagement.” No help is involved, nobody is helping anybody. ‘Open discussion,’ ‘Open liberal discussion,’ I am very fine with that, in fact I want it that way.
Questioner: But I’m not able to identify why I have this underlying uneasiness, or fear, or vacuum, or whatever.
Acharya Prashant: It’s alright to have it. You see, given the way we are, we have a latent yet strong tendency to exploit. So, one has to be therefore very careful in going to someone, or accepting an authority, or taking ready-made answers or stuff. The probability of being exploited or manipulated runs very, very high; so, it’s alright if you are careful. But being careful is one thing and becoming psychotic about that is another thing. Care is alright, right? The kind of world we have, the kind of history we have, and the kind of bodily constitution we have, it makes sense to be apprehensive.
Questioner: What I was trying to say is, the feeling of uneasiness or I don’t know a word to put it, is not necessarily related to this. I feel like it is always there in the background, no matter what I am doing, it’s always there. I forget it for some time, but then…
Acharya Prashant: Exactly, with respect to that. With respect to that I am talking of help. That feeling is there, you need to get rid of it, you have tried on your own. Now with respect to that, I am talking of help.
