Acharya Prashant addresses a question from someone struggling to move on from a breakup. He begins by challenging her assertion that the breakup has left her "completely broken from the inside." He explains that if she were truly and completely broken, there would be nobody left inside to experience the hurt. What she calls the 'inside' is actually the ego. The ego is a magical thing; it becomes stronger when it gets hurt. The more you hurt it, the more strength it gathers. He suggests that instead of being broken, a lot inside her has only become more cemented and solidified after this episode. The speaker explains that hurt arises from resistance to what is happening. Using an analogy, he says an arrow hits you only when you block it; otherwise, it goes past you. The obstruction offered is what pierces the hand. He asks why she is obstructing the happening, given that her ex has moved on. He questions her desire to beg for him, asking if she wants crumbs of love as a donation or charity, and whether that would even satisfy her. He points out the inherent lack of compatibility that must have led to the breakup in the first place. If she remains who she is and he remains who he is, getting back together would only lead to another breakup. Acharya Prashant states that the questioner is hurt because she insists on remaining who she is, and for the same reason, she wants the guy back. However, if she insists on remaining who she is, she won't be able to retain him. He asks if she is prepared to really change and not be the one who experienced that attraction. To stop being in misery, she must stop being who she is. He defines 'who she is' as the one who will accept the guy back, quarrel with him again, have another breakup, and shed tears again. He urges her not to remain caught in this cycle. He emphasizes that nothing is more important than one's own peace. When you want a person, you actually want peace and contentment through that person; you don't invite someone into your life to harass you. Relationships are a medium, and contentment is the end. They are like roads that must lead to contentment. If there is no contentment in a relationship, there is no reason to want it. The quality of your love depends on the quality of your life. A love affair cannot be a sublime thing if your life is mired in littleness. We are little people—afraid, desirous, ambitious, suspicious—and we cannot have a fairy-tale love affair with such a life. He asks what kind of lover a person with a petty being can attract. Citing examples of enlightened figures like Ashtavakra, Nanak, Kabir, Buddha, and Mahaveer, he questions the quality of women they would attract and the nature of their relationships. He mentions Lalleshwari, who split from her husband at twenty-two because of incompatibility. He concludes that if you live as a petty one, you will only invite a petty being into your life, leading to more suffering. The solution is to elevate and transform yourself. Only then will you see who comes to you and know what love really is.
