Suicide or Samadhi? || Acharya Prashant, on World Suicide Prevention Day (2022)

Questioner (Q): I am a doctor by profession, gynecologist. I work in a rural health sector. My question is about sufferings in the lives of the patients and about suicidal Tendencies as today is the world's Suicide Prevention Day.

There are many patients I see, they are suffering like anything. They are very poor and illiterate. And even the disabled people come full of tears in their eyes and telling like “It's because of our last janma’s (previous births’s) curse and I have become disabled like that.”

And every alternative days I see there are cases of the suicides, every like other attempt or the successfulness. Two of the people, I have myself done the postmortem of that. The age was around 24 and 26. And in the last 2021 in India, there was 164,000 suicides rate was there and in the whole world it was 8 lakh.

So my question was like how actually by seeing all these sufferings even sometimes I feel like ending of the life. It is like where to go to the root of this problem? How exactly for me it is a challenge to be peaceful by seeing all these things and work at that place and top of that my own suicidal Tendencies also I want to fight it. Even this many times in my life I have faced that tendency because of the stress of life.

I've seen so many people who are well educated, well affluent, they have committed suicide. my own colleagues so being a doctor she had committed, in the last year the prime ex chief minister Edurappa's granddaughter, she was doctor by herself, she committed suicide. So by seeing all these things sometimes we feel like what is the end of all these sufferings? If Samādhi is the end like not to be affected and be Samādhi, it is very difficult. Sometimes we feel like suicide is the easy route.

Acharya Prashant (AP): See, the primary cause of suicide is birth itself. The data that you have that 1.5 or 2 lakh people committed suicide in India the last year is actually existentially wrong. The thing is that the entire population, every single human being born ends up committing suicide. Birth itself is suffering and the purpose of life is to get rid of suffering.

Even if you live for 80 years or 100 years without attaining that sole purpose of life, what you have died cannot really be called as proper death. It is suicide. You have ended life without letting it attain its climax. What do we call it, if not suicide?

In general, when a person who is 25 or 40 or something or 15 dies by suicide, we find it so regrettable. Why? Because there was so much more to be done and that person ended his or her life, and therefore deprived himself of the opportunity to do more and be more in life, right? And that's why when there is a suicide, we all feel sad. Because a suicide is wastage of opportunity, right? That’s how we define it and that's why suicides are so very lamentable.

The moment we hear that especially if a young person is gone because of suicide, it hurts us badly. Why does it hurt us? Because there was an opportunity and that opportunity was wasted. That person will not be able to now live, learn, grow, experience, realize and be liberated, right? Do we see this? Otherwise why would we find it sad or bad that a fellow is gone early? “Oh! he's gone early. There was a potential to be met, a possibility to be realized.” The potential and the possibility have been squandered, right? That’s the reason suicide is a curse, correct?

Now tell me how many of us even if we live till 80 actually manage to realize our possibility and potential? Hardly anybody. So are we all not then guilty of suicide? But then we say a fellow has committed suicide only if he hangs himself or poisons himself or jumps from a building.

That's when we feel because we are body identified people, and we give credence only to tangible events that are gross Sthūla . So when that kind of a sight appears in front of us, we label it suicide. “Oh this fellow is gone by a suicide because I can see him hanging there, I can see, my eyes can see. There is a tangible event happening. The body is there. The body is hanging and therefore it is possible for me to call it a suicide.”

Why not call it a suicide when the body is not hanging that way but the mind is hanging that way all your life? The body is alive, the mind is suffering. The body is walking, moving, eating. The mind: it can't breathe, it can't fly. Is that not suicide?

Remember the definition of suicide and remember why a suicide is a sad event. A suicide is a sad event because it prevents us from realizing our possibility, right? And when you know that there is no chance of realizing your possibility, then even euthanasia is allowed.

I might be only 22. But if it is fully established that due to physical reasons I will never be able to move or cognate or live any kind of half decent life, then even law in several countries allows me to end my life, right?

Why is that kind of suicide permissible? Because it is known then in such cases there is no point living on. You will not be able to as we said experience, learn, grow and be liberated. And if you cannot learn and grow and be liberated, then even law allows you to end your life.

Is that.. do we see this? So you must remember that it is not the end of body that you must call a suicide, it is the end of possibility and potential that you must call a suicide. That is the real definition. Do we see this? Do we see this?

It is not merely the end of the body that is to be labelled as suicide, it is the ending of potential that is to be called as suicide. And when the potential is not available to be realized then we are saying that even the society and the law allow us to end the body. Because the body by itself means nothing, the body by itself is just biology and we are creatures of Consciousness, not just biology. Biology is secondary. Consciousness is primary. The Consciousness has to be alive. Being alive just bodily and physically does not suffice at all.

So if suicide is to be defined as the ending of potential and possibility, please tell me are we all not guilty of suicide? Please tell me. We have come to our respective ages. Somebody here is 25 there is, somebody is 35, somebody's 55. how far have we come in the direction of our absolute potential? Do we even intend to live fully? Then are we not committing suicide every passing day? Please tell me. please tell me.

But we live very unsubtle lives. So we do not see that the mind is dying. We are just relieved and satisfied that the body is alive. But then the body being alive cannot be termed as life in case of human beings. We are not animals. How do you know that an animal is alive? You will perform some physical tests and the tests are positive, the animal is alive.

That cannot be the definition of life when it comes to our species. Just because a person is moving, walking, seeing, hearing, eating, inhaling, exhaling, you cannot call that person alive. We are alive when we are conscious and the extent of our aliveness depends on, is proportional to the freedom and the height of our consciousness. That's the definition of life when it comes to Homo sapiens. Now are we alive or are we just walking around like machines, like robots?

Robots do walk. They even talk and if you are not attentive enough, you might feel the robot is a sentient being. We have very advanced robots now. They can almost emote. They can read your face. They can judge your expressions. They can respond accordingly. What's the difference between a robot and a human being? You don't call a robot as alive, right?

Why do you call a human being alive? Because we are conscious. We can understand. No robot can ever understand. We'll be taking up the Bhagavad-Gītā today verses from chapter 4. Even the most advanced supercomputer can translate those verses, it can never understand them. Get the difference right, please. No robot can ever understand what the Gītā is saying. Not today, not 10,000 years into the future.

That’s what is the definition of Life. Your ability to understand and understanding comes with freedom. Understanding and freedom are actually the same thing. No robot will ever yearn for freedom. No robot will ever say why am I programmed and every machine is programmed, right?

No robot will ever rebel against its internal conditioning and programming. A human being does, and the intensity of your rebellion is the extent of your aliveness. If you cannot rebel against your inner conditioning, programming, your inner bondages, your biological patterns, how do you call yourself alive?

The robot never rebels. Ever seen a machine rebelling against itself ? And every machine is designed by somebody else, controlled by somebody else, programmed by somebody else. No machine rebels.

And if we do not rebel against our external and internal masters who drive us, program us, control us remotely; how are we alive ? And if we are not alive, how are we not very very sad and guilty that suicide is happening each passing moment? Suicide is not just an event. It is a process. It is a process and that's the reason Saints have cried in compassion.

They see corpses walking all around. They see life being turned to ashes. They see a man spending 60 -80 years of his life and then dying without ever coming close to what he could possibly have been. Ask yourself honestly “How close are you to the best you could have been?”

I repeat how close are you to the best you could possibly have been? Why have you killed your potential? Why are you so suicidal? Go back 20 or 30 years in time. The life that you are living today, would you have settled for this life 20 years back?

20 years back, had someone come and told you “This would be your life 20 years from today”, would you have taken the deal? Then why are you content with your current situation today? When you were 20 or 25 or 30 or whatever you had great dreams for yourself. You wanted to be big, you wanted to be best, you wanted to soar high.

How today are you satisfied in your chained, controlled, caged condition and how is that very different from someone who just hangs himself? We are born in chains. Someone said, man is born free but is everywhere in chains. The fellow didn't really go very deep. The fact is we are born in chains. The purpose of life is to set yourself free.

There are only two solutions. The suffering self has to come to an end because we are born suffering, right? And you cannot carry on with the suffering self. It has to come to an end. There are only two ways: one suicide, second Samādhi.

What I am calling as suicide happens in two ways: one man-made suicide, second biological suicide. What I am calling as biological suicide you call as natural death. What you are calling as natural death; someone dies at the age of 90, peacefully in his sleep, he has a heart attack and he's gone. And you say, “Oh! He was already 90.” And it is a natural illness. It is not natural death, it is biological suicide. The body is gone. Consciousness did not get what it craved for its entire life.

So, we said there are only two possibilities when it comes to the life of a human being, either suicide or Samādhi and suicide is of two types; one, when you throw yourself on a railway track; two, when you live the so-called normal life and pass away in a hospital when you are 80 or 90. The state, the doctors, the society, they will certify that you have died a natural death. No, it is not a natural death. It is natural suicide. So there is suicide and there is Samādhi and suicide is of two types.

We regret only one type of suicide. We do not regret the other kind of suicide that we witness every day, that we commit every day to ourselves. Is it not so? One kind of suicide cannot be better than the other kind or can it be? Yes? So, instead of opting between 1.A. and 1.B; 1.A. is what you officially call as suicide. Somebody jumped from the 10th floor; that's what we officially call as suicide.

1.A. is official suicide 1.B. is biological suicide. What is 1.B.? The fellow lived for 80-90 years his usual mediocre enslaved life and then died. Is 1.B. really better than 1.A.? I'm asking you. So do not try to reduce 1.A. so that 1.B. increases. No. Chuck both 1.A. and 1.B., opt for 2. That’s what mankind needs today. A movement from 1.A. to 1.B. is no progress at all. The real movement is, the real progress is when you move from 1 to 2 and 2 is Samādhi. If not suicide then Samādhi is the only option because the thing has to end. We are born suffering. Suffering has to end. It can end only in these two ways either suicide or Samādhi.

Now instead of Samādhi, we go for 1.B. 1.B. is “Oh! come on, come on, don't commit suicide, just live on, keep suffering, keep bearing all the humiliation life heaps on you and continue living, continue living life till the age of 90. 1.B. is no better than 1.A. 2 is better than both 1.B. and 1.A. and 2 is the real solution to the problem of human suicide rather to the problem of human birth, human suffering, the very human condition, only 2 is the solution.

Samādhi is the solution and if not Samādhi, you will either hang yourself or will continue to live a tortured life which is hardly better than hanging yourself. What is Samādhi? Nothing exotic, nothing of the kind that our fantastic storytellers have fed us. Samādhi simply means a deep true lasting solution. A true and lasting solution, that's what is called Samādhi.

Life itself is the problem. When the kid is born, the problem is born. When the kid is born, the bondages are born. And therefore life itself is the problem. How to solve that problem? The solution is called Samādhi. How to solve that problem? Know the problem. Can you solve a problem without knowing what it is? Get into the problem.

Observe your daily movements. See what you're doing. See where it is coming from and it will become very clear to you whether you must continue doing what you do and continue living as you do. That simple thing is called samādhān, more precisely Samādhi.

Life is a challenge. Meet it with wisdom and courage and then life is good fun. No? What better than having a good challenge to deal with? Is that not exciting? Does that not elevate you? Does that not awaken and arouse you when there is a proper challenge in front of you? And you're not afraid of the challenge, you want to meet it head on and you don't want to ram your head into it, you want to meet it head on wisely, we said with wisdom and with courage.

Most of us simply balk 26:40 away from life. Life hurts us so much that we become insensitive to ourselves. That's the only way we think we can survive. If we do not become numb, it pains. So, we choose to become insensitive. No, gather some courage. Open up to your own hurt. Admit that you are suffering and that is not a sign of weakness. The day you open up and acknowledge your sufferings is the day you are standing up to your suffering.

What's worst is when we refuse to acknowledge that life is really bad for us. That's the worst we can do to ourselves. That's a sign of deep cowardice, weakness and lack of faith. The moment you say, “Yes it is bad, very bad.” How is it? Smile and say, “Very bad.” There's no reason to keep uttering to others, “Oh! Good, good I am doing good.”

You don't need to weep, but you also don't need to be a liar. You are entitled to smile but smile and express the Truth. With a smile, say, “Yes, I am hurt. I am vulnerable. I am beaten. I'm bruised. There are so many wounds. It pains everywhere. Life is not good.”

And I say that with a smile - life is not good. Life is not good but I have not been finally beaten because I have not yet surrendered. I have faith. I'll fight it out. I'll look my enemy in the eye. If you do not squarely look at your enemy, how will you identify it? How will you know it? In the doctrines of warfare they say, “Śatru bodh is very important.” What is Śatru Bodh? To really know who your enemy is. If you do not even identify and acknowledge your enemy, how will you win the war?

Yes, Mayā is immense, big, huge and she kicks us in the face every day but call her out with a smile, obviously. You don't need to turn bitter. And then you will realize that Mayā will also by herself provide the solution. She is the problem and the solution also goes from within her.

Yes, being beaten is all right. Opting out of the arena is not all right. The worst defeat is when you decide to not to fight, otherwise biting the dust even a hundred times is okay. After all it's a rigged kind of match, a rigged kind of battle. No? We are born in chains. We cannot say it's a level playing field. So it's okay. It’s okay to meet defeat daily but it's not okay to surrender. It's not okay to be so intimidated by her that you run away from her.

Stay close to her, watch her. Even if coming close to her would mean that you land some extra punches on your face, that's okay, still come close to her. See how she operates and who where is she? She sits within each of us.

She sits in the body and then after the body she sits outside of us in the society, in the world, everywhere. First of all, she sits here. (tapping on the arm to signify the body) See, how she functions. Observe her. That observation of the problem will lead you into the solution. That solution is Samādhi, the only alternative to suicide.

It’s not that we are bad problem solvers. The problem is that we do not even know the problem. The problem is that we address the problem by very decorated names. We are so attached to the problem that we hesitate calling the problem a problem. It's okay. A problem simply means something that troubles you. It has no moral connotations attached to itself. It's something very factual, right? You’re infected by a virus that does not mean you have to curse the virus, but you must know the facts of your condition. Why don't we know the facts of our life?

Why are we so afraid? What has sapped away our energy, our honesty, our courage? Why are we so reluctant calling a spade a spade? What will you lose? What do you have to lose? What really you have to lose? Why are you so afraid? You only have lots to gain and that's what we are calling as your potential, right?

Life can be tremendously rewarding but life rewards only those with guts, guts and wisdom, that's all. And where guts and wisdom combine, there is true love. It's great we are today on Suicide Prevention Day, wonderful. I wish the question were asked a few days back, so that we could have published it today. But anyway.

Q: My other question was that how to be unaffected by the sufferings of the patients and the physically disabled? Where they when they come to hospital it's making me depressed and… AP: No, no. There is something missing here. You know when you say you are affected by the other’s suffering, please ask yourself is it not because you take the suffering as something exclusive to that person?

Q: If all are suffering…

AP: Forget about all. Do you see yourself as suffering in the same way and equally? Once you see that, you'll find that you are not affected rather you are compassionate. That's the difference between being affected, between being merciful and being compassionate. Compassion is when you can see that condition within yourself as well. That's when you realize that in helping the other, you are helping yourself. That's compassion.

Q: I try to help sir but what happens like, daily from 10 to 2 o'clock I see everybody coming and telling their suffering. It's always it makes me feel like there is one proverb in the Kannada like in samsāra there is Sāsiveyaṣṭu sukha, Sāgaradaṣṭu duḥkha. It means that the happiness in the life is like a mustard seed kind and the sadness is like an ocean. But always we are zooming in that mustard seed and thinking like somebody is happy and like you know the only the particular people are in that suffering.

AP: So you get to hear people's problems and see their suffering every day and that influences you badly.

Q: I feel so compassionate, I feel like what to do for these people.

AP: How am I supposed to feel now?

Q: That is what even I wanted to ask. How you feel like every people come and tell you the sufferings. How do you manage the stress?

AP: There is no special or additional stress, whatever stress is there is already there. So it is just an extension of my own battle. I'm not fighting any special or exclusive or additional battle for your sake. Life is the same. Be it in my form or your form.

Our predicaments, our agonies, our hopes, our disappointments - they are also the same. So what I hear from you is nothing but my own story narrated in another form in another situation and that's why I think sometimes I'm able to offer solutions. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. We all are one. There are no different stories, right?

Q: As I am a gynecologist, I see many pregnant patients in the rural areas. They don't even have money to live a good life. They give birth, go on giving 3-4 births. I got fed up of explaining them like no. Still they will have three females and they want one more male.

Three, last week only I have conducted one cesarean section in that it was a third cesarean section of her because she still refused to do tubectomy because she want a male child as seriously I …

AP: Is this condition specific to that patient? Think of it.

Q: Everywhere it is.

AP: Repeating the same mistake over and over again and again. Is this something only that particular patient is doing? So, on one hand it's something that really concerns us, on the other hand it should bring that little smile to us.

That patient is who I am, Who You Are, no? do we ever commit a mistake only once? Has it happened? Are there any new mistakes ever? She has given birth three times. She is pregnant the fourth time again. We all are pregnant people ready to give birth to another mistake. It's just that the woman you are talking of will give birth in the form of a baby. We will give birth in other forms. This day itself so many of us will give birth.

A new mistake is born and that mistake will now run its course. Mistakes have their own life cycle, and before one mistake is expired, five more are born and these five - that's the worst thing - are nothing but mirror images of the previous one.

We don't learn. We don't learn. For those who learn a few years are enough. Sage Ashtavakra is said to have taught King Janak at the age of 11 or 14. It's possible. Even by that age you have sufficient experience and exposure to have known all the possible mistakes one can commit.

That huge universal set is actually contained only in a few basic elements that we somehow manage to combine through various permutation combinations in an infinite ways.

If you have three variables x, y and z, how many numbers or how many possible points can result from just these three variables? An infinite number, right? In Cartesian geometry x,y,z means the entire universe. So all that we have is just x y z. You could call that as sat, raj, tam and from that the universal set of our mistakes is born.

Q: Acharya ji, pranam. Deepest gratitude for your teachings. In the last three years, I've experienced a profound shift in the way I think and the way I live my life and yet when you say aren't we all committing suicide, it hits you like a 400 volt. What am I doing, how much more can I do, where am I stopped, what are my barriers?

So my question is also about somewhat related to mental health but this is coming to me as I read your book on the Upanishads where you talk about the Vṛtti, about tendency and a lot of your question answer sessions that I've listened to about Vṛtti.

So I'm a psychotherapist. I work with people who come from again a lot of victimhood and so in the initial stages, I'm empowering them to think for themselves and to take affirmative actions, to recognize what their patterns are and how those patterns got constructed.

But the basis is that I was born as a blank sheet and then the patterns got constructed based on the environments I lived in, the people I met and how I responded to them and now I'm reading now I wasn't a blank sheet. aaj subah maine suna hai, kali chaadar… aapne jo satsang mein kaha hai, (Today morning I heard the quote “Kaali chaadar..” during the satsang) So where does one go from here? We were born flawed. We were born to self-destruct.

AP: See we have everywhere to go. When you're in such a bad condition, that's good news as far as your potentiality goes. No? If you are already on the top of your curve you cannot go anywhere from there except sliding down, but when you are right at the bottom the entire universe is waiting for you.

Good news, no? We are in such a bad condition that from here only better things can happen to us. Is that not nice? So, in some sense, Prakṛti the mother loves us. She gives birth to us in in such a wretched form that from there we can only improve.

We are in such terrible shape as we take birth that from there, there is no possibility but to become better. So the thing is that some people manage to become worse even from there. That's another story. Q: Those are the stories who come to me to be counseled…

AP: No, but even those who become worse, remember you cannot be influenced or enslaved if it is not for something within you that cooperates with the enslavement. That something is our genetic composition itself.

It's a very flawed concept that the kid is born clean or innocent. In the shape of the kid, a severe problem is born. In the shape of the kid, deep enslavement is born.

Don't you see that the human kid requires something like 20, 25 years of education? If you were born all right, why would you require two and a half decades of education? And even after two and a half decades of education, we are still internally illiterate. That's how great we are. And that's how bad our situation is at the time of birth.

Any other species that needs so much education. We spend a quarter of our life including the prime of our life just getting educated and in certain streams your education lasts till you are 35 or even 38, 40. Never wondered why do we need to be? And this is only with respect to the external kind of education, worldly education, we are reading about accounts or arts or science or technology or medicine or law and that consumes so many years.

Internal education, the real education that makes you a human being, a proper human being that takes even longer. That kind of education might not be complete even by the time of your death. Even 80 years do not suffice for that. If we are beings who cannot be properly internally educated even in 80 years, think of how we are at the time of our birth? Think of how lowly the kid is that even 80 years are not sufficient to sufficiently illuminate him internally?

Now do you realize why Saints have repeatedly prayed to get freedom, liberation from the bhava chakra, the cycle of birth and death? Who wants to be born? To be born is the worst thing that can happen to me. I don't want to repeat the mistake. Once you realize that you have not come to this world to enjoy, celebrate or have fun; then you have known the purpose of life. Now you can be liberated. But to realize that you have not come here to have a Gala party, you first of all need to know that the kid that you have in your lap is seriously diseased. In fact, the scriptures say a bundle of diseases is born. Only Aham Vṛtti takes birth, the mother disease that's what takes birth.

Now once you know that you have been blessed with the mass of disease, now you will live your life rightly because you know your situation. When you know your situation you know what to do with it.

We do not know our situation. We celebrate when a kid is born. And we say, “Oh! the kid is cute, innocent, masum , pyara clean, Nirdoṣa” - whatever that's the fundamental mistake and from that mistake all other mistakes ensue. A challenge is born and it has to be met with wisdom.

Then the purpose of life is not happiness but liberation. What kind of happiness? What celebration? What song and dance? You’re a captive. You're a prisoner. Your state is pathetic. If you want to write a song, it must be written in your blood. If you want to sing the words must arise from your deep pain and there have been people who have written from a point of Truth, only their songs, only their literature is worth reading. When you listen to those songs, you feel elevated. Those songs are coming from a recognition of the true human condition.

You feel disappointed only when you compare your current state to the imagined party state you have been led to believe belongs to you. The world and its markets and its institutions and the family and education - they have misled you. They have told you - you are here to party. And when you find that your life is not exactly a party then you feel disappointed. As is evident in your question, what do I do? There is disappointment.

That disappointment is coming from comparison. You are comparing A to B. The problem is B is fictitious. So the comparison makes no sense. What is B? The feeling the concept that I am born to be happy, that I am born to party.

We are not born to be happy. You are not born to party. You are born to struggle. You are born to strive. You are born to fight it out. And if you really fight it out then you get something higher and heavier than happiness. That's called Ānandā. That's Joy. But that's not a cheap thing. You have to pay for it dearly.

Most people get neither happiness nor Joy. They don't get happiness because happiness is not possible. The more you chase happiness, you get its opposite - it's dual companion - sadness and disappointment. And Ānandā which is indeed possible and which is actually your birthright, joy that you must really attain, that you keep yourself deprived of because you never even target it. You target happiness instead of joy.

I sometimes say that the knowers, the Sages, they were hedonists in the real sense. We aim for petty happiness. They targeted real Joy. They were the really ambitious people. The ambitions of today's CEOs and multi-billionaires is childish in front of their aspirations, their aspirations were beyond all these petty ambitions; transcendental ambition they had. Their ambition was to get rid of that itself which is sad and hence seeks happiness. They said, “Happiness is sought only when I am sad. I'll finish the seed of sadness itself. Who will need happiness then?” And when happiness is not even needed, that is called Joy.

Whenever you will be a happiness seeker, your face will carry the imprints of your failures and disappointments. As you said, in this world happiness and sadness exist in the ratio of one is to a thousand and that's an understatement as if even one is possible. Am I being pessimistic?

Q: Realistic.

AP: I'm being realistic. I am being joyistic. I'm asking you to go for something finer than happiness. I'm asking you to go for real happiness. That's not pessimism.

Pessimism is such a small thing. I am destroying pessimism itself. This is the height of pessimism- to get rid of both pessimism and optimism. All kinds of dualities, altogether happiness, sadness, pessimism, optimism - this is the cycle of our suffering to be caught in duality.

If things are bad, that's how they are - you cannot avoid that. If you really wanted to avoid bad things, you should not have taken birth. I didn't have a choice. But now you do have, right? To be born is to be born in choice. Now the choice is happiness or joy. What do you choose? Joy.

And if you choose Joy, then do not be reluctant to embrace pain. Those who cannot bear pain will never know Joy. It's in the depths of your pain that Joy will emerge. If you'll continue to harp for shallow happiness, joy will elude you. Be brave, the only way to embrace life is to have a head-on collision with it. That's the only way you can even touch life. Otherwise, life will be all around you but you will never touch it.

You talked of the 440 volt shock. Whenever you will touch life, that's what you will get. And that's why we are so afraid to get in real contact with life. We are life evaders but that's also how this beautiful lady called life can be embraced. She'll give you a 440 volt shock, embrace her.

The moment you embrace, you will be thrown away. Embrace her again. Develop the stamina. Lady for the men, handsome hulk for the women, whichever you want to take it. One thing is certain, whatsoever is real will also be shocking. If you have no stamina, no taste for shocks, then you will live in your little petty dark cave. That's the only place that is shockproof. Reality is always shocking and to embrace reality is to embrace 440 volts.

After a while you discover that's the only way you want to live. Initially, it is very very bad. You want to run away. After a while, you cannot live without it. After a while, you discover this is what you have always wanted, this is your deepest longing, this is what you were born to love; remaining protected, covered, insulated, secured - that's not the way of life.

show_less